Non diving Girlfriend

[getwet2]

I certainly agree with much of what you have said here; however your remark about not knowing how to compromise and "you are probably single" rankled somewhat. See my post in Single Divers - I was married for a long time, and did a lot of compromising. If you have a healthy relationship, good for you. My comment was about what I have observed locally, with a few people who are very commited to diving paired with people who truly have NO INTEREST in diving. I think I have picked up signs that these relationships are not healthy, and that likely has nothing to do with diving.

I am not passing up any terrific people for any reason - I have however passed up people who are self-centred, full of rage, extremely judgemental, or whom I just don't find sexually attractive no matter how hard I try (and sex is important to me, so chemistry is important).

Diving is very intimate, expensive, requires a lot of time and commitment - and draws a certain type of person. This leads me to believe that if your partner is not at all interested in diving, you have some very significant differences. Just my .02psi I guess.

I did not say that YOU wouldn't or didn't know how to compromise but it seems that your ex couldn't or wouldn't or whatever and he is now single, unfortunately you happened to be the other half of it so I think the statement I made is sort of correct............in an odd way. The statement you made sounded to me like if the person didn't dive than you wouldn't want anything to do with them. Maybe I misunderstood what you were trying to say?

You say "significant differences" but it seems to me that you are basing this all on diving. If the only differences two people have are say, one likes to dive and the other likes to do crafts, well that's not very significant in my books at all, there could be so much more that they do have in common that it's actually insignificant. I also think that it's very important and even neccessary that the two people have your OWN thing to do and hopefully, the two people grow so old that the only thing they'll end up having in common is drooling and holding hands.

I didn't mean to offend you so if I did..................sorry.

 

[Nehallenia]

Maybe I misunderstood what you were trying to say?

You say "significant differences" but it seems to me that you are basing this all on diving. If the only differences two people have are say, one likes to dive and the other likes to do crafts, well that's not very significant in my books at all, there could be so much more that they do have in common that it's actually insignificant. I also think that it's very important and even neccessary that the two people have your OWN thing to do and hopefully, the two people grow so old that the only thing they'll end up having in common is drooling and holding hands.

I didn't mean to offend you so if I did..................sorry.

Upon reflection, of course you are correct - I know lots of divers with whom I have nothing in common BUT diving, so . . . . I guess diving is such an enthusiasm for ME that I would really like someone who was my SO to share it with me. If they didn't share some of my other hobbies or interests (say photography or knitting or horses), it wouldn't be important. It all depends on what is most important to you.

And that is an astute and poignant observation about when people grow old together. No offense taken, I apologize for being "prickly".

 

[jaymi]

I am living proof that someone terrified of the water can change. I was convinced that if I stuck my hand in the ocean, or for that matter the lake, something was going to bite it off. I was a bit claustrophobic to add on to that. I wanted nothing to do with diving. My husband, then boyfriend, talked me into just getting my certification and trying it out. In the pool I didn't feel so intimidated, then I moved to the lake, and eventually into the ocean. I would highly recommend an instructor with a lot of patience. It took me awhile to be sold on the idea, but I would go out every now and then to the destinations where there was little shark activity (oh believe me, I would research it).
I don't know what happened because around the 20th dive, I became addicted. I now organize the dive trips, and yes I have been on shark dives. I definantly think starting in the pool was the best idea due to the fears I had. My parents were freaked out about the idea of diving, because they too thought something was going to eat me. The wanted to go on vacation with us after we were married, I told them it would be a dive vacation, they tried the same technique, and are both instructors now.
So see even the chickens can succeed.

 

[Nehallenia]

I am living proof that someone terrified of the water can change. I was convinced that if I stuck my hand in the ocean, or for that matter the lake, something was going to bite it off. I was a bit claustrophobic to add on to that. I wanted nothing to do with diving. My husband, then boyfriend, talked me into just getting my certification and trying it out. In the pool I didn't feel so intimidated, then I moved to the lake, and eventually into the ocean. I would highly recommend an instructor with a lot of patience. It took me awhile to be sold on the idea, but I would go out every now and then to the destinations where there was little shark activity (oh believe me, I would research it).
I don't know what happened because around the 20th dive, I became addicted. I now organize the dive trips, and yes I have been on shark dives. I definantly think starting in the pool was the best idea due to the fears I had. My parents were freaked out about the idea of diving, because they too thought something was going to eat me. The wanted to go on vacation with us after we were married, I told them it would be a dive vacation, they tried the same technique, and are both instructors now.
So see even the chickens can succeed.

Wow that is fantastic about you and your parents. So brave to take a risk, to over come your fears, to really change! I was scared, but not THAT scared; I can see I had it easy compared to you guys - there are no sharks here! About the worst thing that can happen marine wildlife-wise is a jellyfish sting or a lobster pinch. Congratulations on getting your certification, you should be really proud.

 

[love2godeep]

I've been diving for about three years, but my hubby doesn't dive. He did the Discover Scuba dive; had trouble with his ears; and won't try it again. He tolerates my diving but makes a lot of little remarks about the expense.

I appreciate the fact that he is willing for us to take vacations in places where I can dive. I just wish we could share the joy of diving. For a while I considered giving up diving, but I just couldn't do it.

Anyway, some of your stories have encouraged me that maybe someday he will try again, and perhaps overcome the ear thing. Lately he has shown a little more interest in what I see and do on my dives. He really enjoys snorkeling, and I know he'd love diving.

In any case, I've quit making even subtle suggestions that it would be nice if we could dive together. I realize now that if he ever decides to get certified, it must be his idea.

 

[Bretagne]

My biggest problem is not that my husband does not dive, he does (we got certified together). It is that my kids (12 and 16) do not dive, due to medical problem (chronic nose run, which prevent them to equilibrqte eqrs... yes we are looking for medical solution... no success up to now).
They like travels very much, but what to do while we are diving?
So no diving trip for us for a time... hopefully our family holiday place in France (at my parents house) is in one of the best diving areas.

 

[H2Andy]

Bretagne, i've seen diving couples divide their diving days... one dives one day, while
the other takes care of kids, and then they switch...

seems to work well for them, and it's better than no diving!

 

[divebunnie]

Getting her in the lovely clear Red Sea might change her mind a bit. I can see why people are put off by the murky, cold waters over here… you really can't see what's behind you! But when you can see the bottom from the boat itself, she may be a little more tempted at least to hop in and have a snorkel.

Good move not to push it though, that can only be counter productive.

Have fun over Christmas.

 

[Brian Gilpin]

My wife is a strict adherent of the 80-80 rule which is nice because it means we can dive together on vacations. On the other hand it means I can get away with buds locally because she wouldnt dream of diving the "cold" waters of Northern California. I told her how beautiful the local diving is but I dont think she thinks it could possibly be worth the hassle. Honestly I see as many problems with a diving wife as with the opposite.

Now if I was a woman whose husband would not dive I would slap him a few times and tell him to man up. If that failed I would get several male buddies and leave him home with the kids/grandkids/dogs and go dive.

 

[divebunnie]

Brian, I think that is kind of what my ex did.

We both dived, and loved it, however he was more experienced, and loved the whole technical side of it, and was jumping in the chilly waters over here within minutes of his return… not really for me. I like my sea warm and clear.

But like you and your wife, we could share the nice stuff on holidays. Quite a good solution really, as you guys still get to have your "bloke" time, which is just as important, as time spent together. Yet you can rest in the knowledge of being like-minded in general.

I don't know how it would work out if my next boyf was totally a non diver… hmmm hopefully I won't need to find out.