My instructors are driving me to quit

[mempilot]

Ok, I know alot of you will see my problem and say "LOL dumb girl", but hear me out.

I was first certified as a diver as a bright eyed, bushy tailed 13 year-old, and have wanted nothing but to be a divemaster ever since. Finally, after graduating from college, I got the chance.

My dad hooked me up with a great opportunity to basically work in exchange for the course. I couldn't say no! Its a great deal, I get to go dive every day, in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and get to acheive a life goal.

However, things haven't been quite what I expected.
Firstly, I got screwed around alot on scheduling. however, I brushed that off, I mean, you don't look a gift horse and all the free diving I could dream of in the mouth right?

But the more time I spend here, the more comfortable the all-male crew I work with get with me, and thus the more brazen they are with me. Now, I told them from the get-go to not go easy on me in terms of work just cos I'm a girl and am getting a technical free ride. I'm willing to do the same work as everyone else, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to damn well earn it.
I think they misinterpreted that as "we're gonna make you work, but take some liberties about where our hands wander."

I can handle that kind of carry on from the crew, I can just slap them and go about my day. However, when my INSTRUCTORS laugh off this kind of conduct, and sometimes participate in it, its crossing a line.

Basically, I don't want to say anything, just cos I fear losing this opportunity, but I feel really uncomfortable and it distracts me from what I'm doing.

I have told them repeatedly that I want them to lay off, going to far as to fly my boyfriend out for a week to show them that I am quite taken and that they haven't got a snowball's chance in hell.

I'm out of ideas. I'm really dissuaded, and really about ready to just pack it in and go home.

Please, help me regain my faith in professionalism. I just hate that I'm beginning to want to avoid the water, because of what goes on out of the water.

This happens in the airline industry with new flight attendants all the time. The young single, and some not so single, pilots get a little too friendly with the new young FA's.

Set boundries, and don't let them cross it. If they do, call them on it. It's a friendly warning. The next time - you have to decide what happens next time.

You don't deserve to be harrassed no matter how playfull it might seem to them.

 

[alemaozinho]

Ok, I know alot of you will see my problem and say "LOL dumb girl", but hear me out.

I was first certified as a diver as a bright eyed, bushy tailed 13 year-old, and have wanted nothing but to be a divemaster ever since. Finally, after graduating from college, I got the chance.

My dad hooked me up with a great opportunity to basically work in exchange for the course. I couldn't say no! Its a great deal, I get to go dive every day, in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and get to acheive a life goal.

However, things haven't been quite what I expected.
Firstly, I got screwed around alot on scheduling. however, I brushed that off, I mean, you don't look a gift horse and all the free diving I could dream of in the mouth right?

But the more time I spend here, the more comfortable the all-male crew I work with get with me, and thus the more brazen they are with me. Now, I told them from the get-go to not go easy on me in terms of work just cos I'm a girl and am getting a technical free ride. I'm willing to do the same work as everyone else, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to damn well earn it.
I think they misinterpreted that as "we're gonna make you work, but take some liberties about where our hands wander."

I can handle that kind of carry on from the crew, I can just slap them and go about my day. However, when my INSTRUCTORS laugh off this kind of conduct, and sometimes participate in it, its crossing a line.

Basically, I don't want to say anything, just cos I fear losing this opportunity, but I feel really uncomfortable and it distracts me from what I'm doing.

I have told them repeatedly that I want them to lay off, going to far as to fly my boyfriend out for a week to show them that I am quite taken and that they haven't got a snowball's chance in hell.

I'm out of ideas. I'm really dissuaded, and really about ready to just pack it in and go home.

Please, help me regain my faith in professionalism. I just hate that I'm beginning to want to avoid the water, because of what goes on out of the water.

I,ve heard of similar story,s in Egypt,i would send a written complaint to the Agency(whichever it is)with their names and Pro numbers ID,and report what you have been thru.They will then start to investigate the problem and if they find out that your Instructors/other members at fault,could be suspended from the Scuba Agency they affiliated with.

 

[mempilot]

Be nice, but firm. Protect your interests first, not theirs. Don't compromise because you think you'll lose an opportunity. Make them respect you as much as you respect them. If you don't respect them, time to change instructors.

 

[Foo]

I agree with the consensus here, obvious sexual harrassment- I can remember having those same feelings, in various situations, ever since jr. high school, upon occasion. I can't speak for every woman, but in my own experience, there will be several times in a woman's life (perhaps a man's too?) that they will experience this type of sexual harrassment. It can come while being taken home from a babysitting job, being interviewed for a job, or even while picking up a fallen book at school. It is uncomfortable, and franky, it can be frightening and freaking irritating.

While I suppose that they may feel like it's just fun & games, I don't think some guys really realize what women deal with when faced with it. I don't think they would ever want their moms, sisters or daughters feeling like that. I think a lot of women have looked the other way because they don't want to deal with all the crap that would come from exposing it.

I wouldn't be surprised if these guys are acting out a bit of resentment toward you, also, and taking liberties as a result. Seems like they are the ones who have not grown out of the jr. high mentality.

BUT!!!!! A great big THANK YOU to you guys on Scubaboard for your support toward Ninevah. I've met, worked and been friends with many men who have never been anything but gentlemen toward me- there are plenty of great men out there who respect other people, and will treat them well, without sexual tension. I am greatly encouraged to see your willingness to call this what it is, and the thoughtful advice you have given to Ninevah. KUDOS.

Foo

 

[Al Mialkovsky]

.
I think they misinterpreted that as "we're gonna make you work, but take some liberties about where our hands wander."

I can handle that kind of carry on from the crew, I can just slap them and go about my day. However, when my INSTRUCTORS laugh off this kind of conduct, and sometimes participate in it, its crossing a line.

Basically, I don't want to say anything, just cos I fear losing this opportunity, but I feel really uncomfortable and it distracts me from what I'm doing.


I'm out of ideas. I'm really dissuaded, and really about ready to just pack it in and go home.

If your instructors are too stupid to figure it out go see management. Tell them exactly what's going on and with who.

I'm an instructor, if I had a female divemaster trainee tell me this was going on I"d kick some ass. It's BS.

 

[Finnatic]

Ninevah,

I have been in situations such as you described in the past. I don't think I would handle it as others have advised here...such as suddenly barging in screaming sexual harrassment. I would venture to guess that in order not to lose the opportunity you have been given, you may be giving the wrong signals to your co-workers. Not consciously of course, but please consider this: You are a young, attractive female in a predominately male environment if I read this correctly. Firstly, it sounds like you are the new kid on the block and the boys club there is already firmly established. Trying to fit into the club is only a natural desire. But remember, women are from Venus and men are from Mars. We don't interpret signals the same way and it is particularly difficult for some women to send the type of clear, concise signals that some men (especially young men) need in order to "get it". If you have started out by passively accepting off color jokes and enduring the touching episodes ( which tend to escalate), without clearly and concisely voicing your objections in a very firm manner, your co-workers may interpret this as acceptance. Please don't get me wrong...this is clearly a sexual harrassment episode on their part and I in no way think you are "inviting" this upon yourself. It must stop immediately and only YOU can do that by adopting a professional manner and demanding to be taken seriously. You have asked for advice on this board, so therefore I feel free to give you my opinion. I would immediately ask for a private conference with the person in charge and clearly state your objections. Depending on the quality of this conference, your situation might be redeemed and for the good of all involved. If your concerns are not taken very seriously at this point, I would seriously consider that your opportunity to work there is no real opportunity at all. Lastly, if you feel strongly enough about the situation, I would certainly consider a formal charge of sexual harrassment to the proper authorities. Good luck and I hope this can be worked out for you.

 

[mempilot]

...you may be giving the wrong signals to your co-workers. Not consciously of course, but please consider this: You are a young, attractive female in a predominately male environment ....

This is signal enough. A signal she doesn't have control over. Attractive women should be able to act normal, act themselfs, without the unwanted advances. The first advance is open game, but she told them she has a committed relationship. After that, it's a warning. After that, it's harrassment. Why be pc about it? If she's saying no, she's saying no. How many times before she's 'allowed' to do something...? This is about the invasion of one's space, not coping to get a job. And if it is coping to get a job, then it's just part of the problem perpetuating the bigger picture.

 

[chickdiver]

This is signal enough. A signal she doesn't have control over. Attractive women should be able to act normal, act themselfs, without the unwanted advances. The first advance is open game, but she told them she has a committed relationship. After that, it's a warning. After that, it's harrassment. Why be pc about it? If she's saying no, she's saying no. How many times before she's 'allowed' to do something...? This is about the invasion of one's space, not coping to get a job. And if it is coping to get a job, then it's just part of the problem perpetuating the bigger picture.

Very well said. Thank you.

 

[s7595]

ninveh
my advice it is time to go to war .the next time you get touched
,punch kick ,scream yell . the message will be clear . take no prisioners ,phone the scuba agency report the instructor.if there are women tourist divers yell out loud watch the men they touch.
at some point the owners will get the message . if they fire you , you can get on the t.v. and internet and tell the world about this dive operation . stay strong good luck

 

[Snowbear]

ninveh
my advice it is time to go to war .the next time you get touched
,punch kick ,scream yell . the message will be clear . take no prisioners ,phone the scuba agency report the instructor.if there are women tourist divers yell out loud watch the men they touch.
at some point the owners will get the message . if they fire you , you can get on the t.v. and internet and tell the world about this dive operation . stay strong good luck

Hmmmm. Somehow I think mem's suggestion would be a bit more productive. At the very least - a whole lot less dramatic