I went back and forth as to whether to put that side bar into the thread.
I don't perceive you as being confrontational, but I've become pretty passionate about this, and my intent isn't to return your kind inquiry with fire. But as it was a rant and, as most rants go, only partially coherent - driven by emotion more than reason, lets roll with it.
I used to think there were different scenarios: If you're my dive buddy, or if you're simply on the same dive boat as me. But as I'm writing this, I'm thinking there is no difference. If you can't deal, we may need to scuttle the trip, we may have to dumb down the dive agenda for the entire boat, the DM may have to dive in and pull you out, etc. After some thought (maybe a minute's worth) here the deal:
If you can't pick your stuff up, on your own - and this takes many forms... (the overhead don I used to do...until my computer gave me a black eye, the 1-shoulder in don I used to do...until I moved to a BP/W, and the ever-attractive squat in front of the rig and stand up into my BP don I now do until I find something more attractive and functional) and get to the gate on your own, you need to come back when you can.
At the very least you need to have the strength to pick up and wear the stuff you're going to be, well, wearing. Of course all of the other in-water givens are taken here - the person can swim, is competent in their dive skills, has the basics wired, etc.
But minimum physical requirements - you gotta be able to handle the gear out of the water by yourself.
The swim step is another issue. Pitching swimstep, end of a 50 yard in-current surface swim, blah blah blah....there is some slack here. The last thing I want to see is some exhausted diver take a step to the chin and now we have a rescue issue.
My wife went to an HP80 for this reason. She was having issues shlepping a steel 100. She almost went to a 63, but she worked on her skills, became stronger and smarter and now I don't need to haul her into her stuff. 2 seasons ago, I had to help her up the steps at Catalina, now she's out on her own. Since we went dry this fall she went from 18# to 26# of lead...so its been tougher for her. But this past weekend she got, got out, no issues.
I expect the same from everyone else on the boat.
Ken