Lonely old lady needs feedback

[Nehallenia]

As real as a heart attack.

Kimber

I don't know whether to laugh or be horrified! I think I'll just go where no-one can see or hear me and laugh . . . . Oh, my! God is going to strike me down for my uncharitable thoughts.

Why'd you keep the thing?? Is it really on your mantle?

 

[Nehallenia]

Not really Nehallenia, sex is like curry. If you eat it the same day you make it it can really be hot, you burn your mouth and can make you feel sick, without a shadow of a doubt it is better the second day.

One night stands are bad, short flings OTOH boost the ego, clean the pipes and makes us appreciate our own company. THIS is better than celibacy.

I have yet to encounter curry so hot I couldn't eat it . . . my Thai beef salad made a big man cry (and he claimed to love spicy food).

I already appreciate my own company; it is so much trouble to get rid of these people, a short fling hardly seems worth it.

You are going to boot me in the arse again, aren't you?

 

[drbill]

Nehallenia- I'd love to have a short fling with you! Do you throw javelin or discus? Just teasing of course. Here I am being faithful to a woman I haven't even met. What has happened to me. She called this morning from Tokyo... sigh.

Dr. B.
The Scientist Irrationally in Like

 

[TekDiveGirl]

I don't know whether to laugh or be horrified! I think I'll just go where no-one can see or hear me and laugh . . . . Oh, my! God is going to strike me down for my uncharitable thoughts.

Why'd you keep the thing?? Is it really on your mantle?

My dear you can have each and every feeling that you choose. I know I sure have.
Laugh if that is what comes. I do now and when I talk to people about the whole situation - I put my hands up and say "I didn't do it - I swear!"

And once in awhile I will smirk and say "Those black eyed peas - they tasted alright to me" - which is a reference to a Dixie Chicks country song where the girls kill an abusive husband by feeding him poisened black eyed peas. If you can't laugh - what good is life? I went from shock and horror to relief. And now peace. And heck yeah I can laugh.

The ashes aren't actually up on my mantle but away on a bookshelf - not even in a decorative box. I will likely give them to his son. Quite frankly it was not until recently that I told people the kind of person he truly was and how he treated me.
It was rather hard to admit to the world that I allowed myself to be with such a person - I felt it was a reflection of who I was more than anything else.

His ex-wife and I are best friends - she had a grand idea -- that we should go out and get drunk -- then take his ashes to a toilet and piss on him then flush him! Who knows - we may just do that someday. Until then they sit lonely in the corner.

Kimber

 

[lostinspace]

Nehlly,
God do I want to kick your arse! :11:

[BUTT_KICKING] Your 42? and that's old? you silly woman, you are not even halfway through your life yet and you are giving up?

get a grip!

You so much remind me of a friend of mine - lovely lady, pretty, intelligent, outdoorsy ~ 0 self-confidence. Always putting herself down, not accepting compliments, being so negative about herself. I mean, who is going to find her attractive when she doesnt find herself attractive?

Facile as it sounds, getting a new haircut, putting in contacts rather than wearing glasses, going to new classes, and slowly slowly being confident in her ability to cope with the world, and now she has met a lovely divorced man (heck, at that age they'd be a bit weird if they were still single & never married).

Spruce yourself up, go for a nice haircut, get your nails done, have a massage, definitely get your feet pedicured, splash some cash on yourself, make yourself feel good . Then your inner glow will glow again.

Then take the next step. Next time you meet a nice guy YOU ask him out for dinner. What's the worse that is going to happen? He says "no"? So what? Have you lost anything except a few minutes of your time? No. Have you gained anything? Yes, you don't need to waste your time thinking about the what ifs.

Stop observing life, and start living it. [/BUTT_KICKING]

Lostinspace

 

[Nehallenia]

Nehallenia- I'd love to have a short fling with you! Do you throw javelin or discus? Just teasing of course. Here I am being faithful to a woman I haven't even met. What has happened to me. She called this morning from Tokyo... sigh.

Dr. B.
The Scientist Irrationally in Like

I find you very attractive, drbill, and such a complete gentleman that I feel I would sully you by flinging with you!

I am sending the best karma possible to you and Xiaoyan. Thanks for all your input here!

 

[Nehallenia]

Nehlly,
God do I want to kick your arse! :11:

[BUTT_KICKING] Your 42? and that's old? you silly woman, you are not even halfway through your life yet and you are giving up?

get a grip!

You so much remind me of a friend of mine - lovely lady, pretty, intelligent, outdoorsy ~ 0 self-confidence. Always putting herself down, not accepting compliments, being so negative about herself. I mean, who is going to find her attractive when she doesnt find herself attractive?

Facile as it sounds, getting a new haircut, putting in contacts rather than wearing glasses, going to new classes, and slowly slowly being confident in her ability to cope with the world, and now she has met a lovely divorced man (heck, at that age they'd be a bit weird if they were still single & never married).

Spruce yourself up, go for a nice haircut, get your nails done, have a massage, definitely get your feet pedicured, splash some cash on yourself, make yourself feel good . Then your inner glow will glow again.

Then take the next step. Next time you meet a nice guy YOU ask him out for dinner. What's the worse that is going to happen? He says "no"? So what? Have you lost anything except a few minutes of your time? No. Have you gained anything? Yes, you don't need to waste your time thinking about the what ifs.

Stop observing life, and start living it. [/BUTT_KICKING]

Lostinspace

Ahem - pardon me, but I have been doing all that! I have met ONE attractive divorced man in the past 3 years. He was a psychological disaster area. I live in a very small community, with a failing economy - most of the people still here are senior citizens. I cannot move without my ex's consent - and he is not going to give it to me. Now, maybe I am giving up too easily, as far as meeting anyone attractive and single goes. I meet lots of attractive MARRIED men, or inappropriate men in their late 20's and early 30's (they are not interested in me, and that's OK).

I posted my quandary because I was alarmed at my level of apparent desperation! I do not want to appear desperate - it isn't attractive. But I sure am discouraged. I feel I have a lot to offer someone; if I could just find someone. Argh!

I agree that someone who is in their mid-40's and has never been married or even been in a long-term (more than 5 years) relationship, that is a red flag - or at least an indication they are not on the same page emotionally as myself. My ex, incidentally, is dating a woman in her mid-40's who has never been married or had children, and has had a string of relatively short relationships with jerks. I am alarmed this person is now in a position of influence over my kids - but that is a whole other thread.

 

[Nehallenia]

Quite frankly it was not until recently that I told people the kind of person he truly was and how he treated me.
It was rather hard to admit to the world that I allowed myself to be with such a person - I felt it was a reflection of who I was more than anything else.

His ex-wife and I are best friends - she had a grand idea -- that we should go out and get drunk -- then take his ashes to a toilet and piss on him then flush him! Who knows - we may just do that someday. Until then they sit lonely in the corner.

Kimber

It is so hard to admit, if you feel you are something of a feminist, or at least an independent, intelligent human, that you "allowed" yourself to be abused. People don't understand that it is not that simple. And you do feel it is a reflection of yourself- I had to tell myself over and over "it is not my fault".

For that second thing - I wouldn't even have to be drunk!! I do understand why you would save them for his son, though.

Good for you, moving on, Kimber!

 

[lostinspace]

Ahem - pardon me, but I have been doing all that! I have met ONE attractive divorced man in the past 3 years. He was a psychological disaster area. I live in a very small community, with a failing economy - most of the people still here are senior citizens. I cannot move without my ex's consent - and he is not going to give it to me. Now, maybe I am giving up too easily, as far as meeting anyone attractive and single goes. I meet lots of attractive MARRIED men, or inappropriate men in their late 20's and early 30's (they are not interested in me, and that's OK).

I posted my quandary because I was alarmed at my level of apparent desperation! I do not want to appear desperate - it isn't attractive. But I sure am discouraged. I feel I have a lot to offer someone; if I could just find someone. Argh!

I agree that someone who is in their mid-40's and has never been married or even been in a long-term (more than 5 years) relationship, that is a red flag - or at least an indication they are not on the same page emotionally as myself. My ex, incidentally, is dating a woman in her mid-40's who has never been married or had children, and has had a string of relatively short relationships with jerks. I am alarmed this person is now in a position of influence over my kids - but that is a whole other thread.

hun - I hear you.... I'm just trying to kick your butt (badly) so you realise that the discouragement is more the situation than you. and I think you do realise it, but it is easier to blame yourself than the ex.
it is a truly ****ty situation to be forced to stay where you don't want to.
I can't provide any solutions, just to say "you do have a lot to offer someone".
and that special someone will come along. it just takes time..... lots and lots of it. and whilst you may feel that you don't have that time, it will come soon.
at some points your kids will be old enough to travel independently and then you will be able to move with or without your ex's permission.
hang on in there.

 

[drbill]

I find you very attractive, drbill, and such a complete gentleman that I feel I would sully you by flinging with you!

I am sending the best karma possible to you and Xiaoyan. Thanks for all your input here!

Thanks for the compliment. Please take my comments in the same vein... I was just making fun with the word "fling." And I think you were as well. You do seem to be a woman with a lot to offer, as many others here have said.

I've waited a long time for the "right" woman. Yes, I am a bit "picky" (although living on a somewhat isolated island with a small population and limited single women plays a bit part). However, I know I am happy being by myself... but could be even happer with someone who shares enough of my interests. Hopefully Xiaoyan may be the one.

Dr. B.