Letting Boys be Boys, But Worried

[mdb]

She is letting her son "fly", the question is; "how far?"

As far as they can go.

Having "limits", "rules" are necessary and fine.

IMHO freedom and a sense of self should be encouraged. Instead of "You Can't" maybe a yes you can-you need to do this or that, but, you can row across the bay, travel across the world, climb the mountain, ski by yourself, etc.

 

[dlndavid]

I see you added the limit and rules part, so I won't have to go into my Clint Eastwood speil, A man has to know his limitations, and I agree the limitation and rules are being set by a responsible adult. I think Catherine has displayed good practice of letting her son explore the open ocean, but just getting his butt out of the water by dark is IMO a smart choice for a rule.

 

[SparticleBrane]

*flame suit on*
Personally, I'm seeing a lot of babying, coddling, and hand-holding in this thread. The kid is 14? 15? Perhaps it's time to loosen up a bit and time to let him explore.
He needs to learn to make his own mistakes...

If you have the leash too tight now, when he leaves your care he'll go nuts. I've seen it way too many times in college. I know plenty of people who were on a tight leash at home but as soon as they got to college with no adult supervision they lost all common sense.


A talk with him on water safety is definitely needed, along with the strong suggestion to bring basic safety material. But "don't go out after dark" ??

 

[Giggi]

Sometimes, I don't feel society supports this way of thinking enough and almost intimidates parents into not letting their children reach.

Amen to that. I can't believe the comments and looks of shock get when we tell people that we leave our 11 and 13 year old sons home for an evening, with a $20 bill to call for pizza. The kids are in heaven having the house to themselves for the evening, and after a few small incidents of them testing out their boundaries (i.e. having friends over without permission when they thought we wouldn't find out or staying up too late), we have very few disciplinary problems and they are learning to self-regulate. It's good for people of all ages to have some unstructured time to unwind and relax and be themselves.

Ideally, I kind of like to picture their summertime adventures sort of like the kids in Stand By Me. Just a bunch of boys, off being boys...burping, farting, and swearing. (I also know they have little potty mouths when I'm not around, but as long as I don't hear it or hear about it, I'm fine with that as well.)

 

[JessH]

If you have the leash too tight now, when he leaves your care he'll go nuts. I've seen it way too many times in college. I know plenty of people who were on a tight leash at home but as soon as they got to college with no adult supervision they lost all common sense.

A great example of this is the documentary Devil's Playground. It is about Amish kids. When they turn 16 they let their kids go out into the world to experience it so that they can make an informed decision about whether they want to remain Amish. Having lived such a sheltered life a lot of them go nuts. One of my favorite quotes from the movie is "The Amish kids throw the wildest parties." A number of them are also dealing crystal meth and doing all sorts of drugs.

~Jess

 

[Wayward Son]

In this case it isn't simply a matter of it being dark that bothers me, it's kids out on open water, at night, in kayaks that are maybe 6 or 8 feet long & ride 6 inches above the water, with no running lights, where real boating traffic may well come zipping through under power. Making way at say, 30 knots in a 40 ft boat. It may not even be legal to be on the water after sun down without lighting, but it damn sure isn't even close to being safe. Short of an emergency with no other choice, I wouldn't want to do it myself.

 

[SparticleBrane]

I unfortunately know several people whom I went to high school with that totally lost it with no adult supervision in college. I see it all the time...
Since their parents never let them experience life when they were still younger, their maturity levels are quite low.

 

[dlndavid]

like letting the tiger out of a its cage

 

[SparticleBrane]

In this case it isn't simply a matter of it being dark that bothers me, it's kids out on open water, at night, in kayaks that are maybe 6 or 8 feet long & ride 6 inches above the water, with no running lights, where real boating traffic may well come zipping through under power. Making way at say, 30 knots in a 40 ft boat. It may not even be legal to be on the water after sun down without lighting, but it damn sure isn't even close to being safe. Short of an emergency with no other choice, I wouldn't want to do it myself.

Hopefully the kids would be mature enough to realize the safety issue and be prepared for such an occurrence...if not, they can always get a good prodding from mom and dad.
I just think that way too many parents keep the leash too tight.
Then again there's a huge number of parents who don't care in the slightest what their kids do. Personally I feel both are pretty bad.

 

[Cacia]

that we leave our 11 and 13 year old sons home for an evening, with a $20 bill to call for pizza.

I left mine younger than that, I always found that I worried less about them than the "babysitters".

Yes, I am seeing kids not allowed to make any decisions. I don't care if they are out after dark, but not in the kayak mainly because he has only had it two weeks!

The rock climbing would be hard to watch.

When my eldest was about 4-5, I would park in front of the donut store and let her go in, get in line and make her choice. It was funny, because I loved watching from the car. Sometimes people just ignored her place in line and walked "around her" as though she had "gotten away" from someone. It only took a few trips before she got a little more assertive to get the doughnut. It was so fun to watch and think these little things up. Sometimes I would send her over to get directions at the mall, while I sat and watched, just to see how she handled herself.

Ugh...flashbacks, she will gone soon.

to make sure the GPS locator in the phone's programming is turned on.

I wonder if that is the default setting, unless you requested it off.--I'll ask, good point.