Know thyself

[lulubelle]

I recently dove with someone for the first time who had about the same number of dives as I do. He was very nervous and unsure of himself in the water. This resulted quite a few scary moments for me when he would do something impulsive without communicating with me such as a rapid ascent because he was unsure of what his computer display meant or how to problem solve calmly, would disappear with someone else he was following while I was looking at something leaving me in a solo dive, and was disinterested in being responsible for navigation to any degree. So it gave me cause to think about what it was that really bothered me about diving with him.

1. I'm OK with a nervous diver. BUT. I think it is critical to be honest with your dive buddy about what you are solid with, and what you are not, to develop your dive plan accordingly along with contingency plans for areas in which you need assistance, and to dive your plan.

2. Always evaluate your own skills and seek help in improving them. I realized that I was only comfortable with natural navigation and it made me nervous when my buddy would not take any interest in navigating at all. I realized that my compass skills stink, probably because I did my AOW on the wrecks here. So I have asked a local navigation guru to spend some time with me at the quarry this coming weekend in our lovely 5 feet vis to practice nav skills with me.

 

[Token]

I find myself puzzled why anybody who's really uncomfortable in the water would take up scuba. Risking the many very real potential hazards of diving without being mentally prepared and generally organized in your own mind...hmmmm.

I haven't dived much, so I don't have any real experience with newer, nervous divers, but it seems to me that every diver should be aiming for a very high degree of self-reliance in the water, even if you never contemplate diving solo...

 

[redacted]

Good. It is often a lot easier to make yourself a more skilled and confident diver than to cause someone else to be one. If you are not inclined to consider becoming comfortable as a solo diver, you may just have to be more careful in picking buddies. Just because you elect to develop good solo diver skills, does not mean you can not be an excellent buddy.

 

[lulubelle]

Good. It is often a lot easier to make yourself a more skilled and confident diver than to cause someone else to be one. If you are not inclined to consider becoming comfortable as a solo diver, you may just have to be more careful in picking buddies. Just because you elect to develop good solo diver skills, does not mean you can not be an excellent buddy.

I'm pretty solid in the water, have been since the beginning, but have no interest in being a solo diver. I like buddy diving. And I am a good buddy. BUT. I always take responsibility for myself and don't plan to depend on someone else when I buddy dive. And if I am a bit nervous about something, such as when I went on my first night dive in a long time, that conversation is had with my dive buddy and is part of our plan. I'm always looking to be a better diver, and am quite good at natural navigation, but realized on the dives that my compass skills need some work, so I plan to work on them. To me, this is the attitude that all divers should have, self responsibility (even if you only choose escorted diving), willingness to acknowledge one's weak spots and willingness to work on them, and good communication and commitment to one's buddy when buddy diving.

I think that was what bugged me about diving with this guy was his complete lack of interest in being responsible for himself and being responsible to his buddy.

 

[aquaticaggie]

I have seen guys/gals like that.

I get picked on because I am take my time getting in the water and squared away. I hate it when people rush and then act like a tweeking coke head.

 

[eponym]

Lulubelle, I liked reading your posts, thanks. Regarding this snippet:

I think that was what bugged me about diving with this guy was his complete lack of interest in being responsible for himself and being responsible to his buddy.

Is this a person you want to dive with regularly? Some extended surface interval conversation seems indicated.

Here's a link to some thoughts on the buddy system I use in OWD courses. It does not dicuss self-reliance.

I recommend you compile a short list of agreements to make with each brand-new buddy before starting the dive.

-Bryan

PS. Much of that piece was mined from posts on scubaboard. I welcome feedback which will help me improve it.

 

[TSandM]

If you put yourself out there to dive with new folks, you will have some dives that aren't comfortable or particularly enjoyable, but they will almost always be educational. It sounds as though you have mined a couple of good points for your own development from diving with this fellow -- one regarding pre-dive communication ("Is there anything about this dive you are not entirely comfortable about, or would like help with?") and one regarding your own ability to lead a dive with a dysfunctional buddy (improving navigation).

I've had a bunch of those dives. They're useful.

 

[CamG]

Greetings lulubelle and thanks for posting your experience.
It is priceless lessons you have learned as it has already been spoke of pre-dive communication is critical and keen evaluation of strange buddies even more critical.
I have done many such dives and have made a conscious choice to try to KISS or keep it simple stupid on the first of any dives with a stranger.
We discuss our diving and comfort levels then what skills we are not rock solid on.
Cards mean nothing to me nor do hundreds of dives. Log books are sometimes a interesting way to help discover information about a insta-buddy.

Regardless of all the preparation you can have the dive you described but your reaction will determine what the other buddy will learn from it. I always attempt to have a post dive debrief. In this I always ask them first what I could work on to improve my buddy skills. This breaks the ice and starts them to evaluate and mull over dive details.
I have gotten some very positive feed back and given some advice as well.
Some times I get a disgusted look and cold shoulder. No worries look for another buddy next dive.

I have found some awesome friends through diving with new people and just had a great experience with a new friend. We met and our group helped her celebrate her 100th dive. It was a blast!
I love to dive with new people it keeps your own skills sharp and provides many dive buddies that you can dive with. I enjoy all levels of dives and divers.
I have turned dives down that I do not feel physically or mentally prepared for and this has never been a problem. If I can not be a good buddy I will not dive!

Good luck and always dive safe within your training and comfort levels!
CamG Keep diving....Keep training....Keep learning!

 

[lulubelle]

Thanks for weighing in everyone.

This person was no newer than I was to diving, but far less comfortable. I think most of his previous dives were escorted. When I spoke of lack of self responsibility, I did not mean that I expected him to be prepared as a solo diver, what I meant was that he did not care to be responsible for his own safety in the water, even to the degree he was capable of, he wanted everyone else to be responsible for him.

The thing that was so frustrating about this person is that he did not acknowledge any discomfort whatsoever, even after an episode of panic over something small on the previous dive, or problems using his equipment while diving, or losing his buddy, etc. Even with a positive and gentle approach, he did not want any help with anything. After the first dives, the pre and post dive conversations were more thorough, and it changed nothing. He did not follow the pre dive plan, sped off after the DM while I was looking at something small on a coral head putting me on a solo dive, had a rapid ascent without communicating with his buddy (it was nervousness about equipment, there were no OOA issues or such), and refused to even participate in navigation. Thank goodness my natural navigation skills are pretty good.

This is probably a good example of why I will not dive with an insta buddy here in NC.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

Given the description of this diver as uncomfortable with his own skills, I suspect the problem is two-fold. First and foremost, this person most likely is using so much mental bandwidth trying to control his position on the water that he doesn't have a whole lot left over for awareness of external surroundings. When you're totally focused on what you're doing, it's difficult to focus on what your buddy is doing.

Second problem would be that he probably doesn't know how to BE a dive buddy. You mention that he's used to being escorted ... more likely he's used to being supervised, and has no real experience making his own decisions underwater.

The first problem will be overcome through diving ... as he logs more bottom time, the skills he has to concentrate on now will become more second-nature ... freeing up his conscious mentality to start paying more attention to what's going on around him. Don't compare his progress to your own based on number of dives ... everyone learns at their own pace, and some folks need much more bottom time to become comfortable than others.

The second problem will be overcome through education ... learning behaviors like buddy positioning, communication, and the simple act of turning your head to look at your buddy rather than assuming that your buddy will be where you expect him to be. Putting on a dive mask reduces your field of view dramatically, and divers who don't practice looking around more than they're used to often don't realize how much they're relying on assumption rather than visual verification to keep track of where their dive buddy is (same thing happens when a more experienced diver starts using a camera, by the way).

Bryan's article is an excellent summary of the behaviors a new diver must learn in order to become a responsible dive buddy. Perhaps you can send the link to your buddy, or even discuss the concepts with him informally.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)