Inclusive Blonde Jokes Thread

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walking with this blonde on a country road away from the beach. About a half mile along the road, we turned and saw another blonde in the middle of the field, in a row boat, kicking up clods of dirt with her oars trying to row the boat through a plowed field.
'Look at that...thats how blondes get a bad name" she said, "let me borrow your fins....i'm gonna swim out there and slap that b*tch"
 
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?" It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humor."

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells: "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little guy sitting on your knee."

just to make it more family friendly - Jonathan
 
Why do blondes hate M&M's?

- It takes to long to get rid of all the W's..

And why do they hate peanut M&M's?

- They are sooo hard to peal.

Bob
 
An American Airlines plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston, and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.


The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston, and I'm staying right here!"


The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this...I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde!"

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm sorry.....," and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her that First Class isn't going to Houston."
 
A group of blondes in a class at Texas A&M University were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures; and they fell off the ladders, dropped the tape measures and pencils -- the whole thing was just a mess.

An engineering student comes along and sees what they're trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, and then gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walks away.

After the engineer had gone, one blonde turned to another and laughed: "Isn't that just like a dumb engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
 
Three blondes demanded to be tested for becoming a detective. The lead detective, though leary, decided that they should at least get a chance. So he devises a test... he will hold a picture up for ten seconds and each one will (in turn) tell him how to ID the perp.

He holds it up to the first one. They glance over it and then seem to lose all interest. After ten seconds the lead detective asks them how will they ID the perp.

"That's easy... he only has one eye!"

The lead detective quickly glances at the photo and in disgust says, "You dolt! Its a profile pic! You can only SEE one of the eyes. You have no chance of becoming a detective!" He then holds it up to the second one who looks at it a bit closer. When the time is up he asks for info.

"Welllllll," said the second nervously being shocked at how their friend was treated, "he does have only the one ear, ya know!"

The lead detective slams his hand down in revulsion and exclaims, "Didn't you just hear me??? It's a profile shot you idiot! Get out of here before I get really angry!" At which point he shoves the pic under the nose of the last one. They look at it carefully, first from one angle and then another. Before the time is up they exclaim with confidence...

"The perpetrator in this picture wears contacts!"

Shocked at the insight, the lead detective examines the photo closely. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely! Nothing could be clearer! I bet my reputation on it!"

Not believing the magnitude of this incredible observation the lead detective gets the file on the suspect and sure enough, he wears contact lenses. So he returns to the blonde and says... "Congratulations! You have the job! I have never seen such powers of observation from such a grainy photo, could you please tell me how you figured that out?"

"Sure!" beamed the blonde "He can't wear glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!" :tease:
 
What is the only kind of blonde you can actually train to do things? - A golden retriever.

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
- The moqsquito stops sucking when you slap it.
 
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry" says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?" asks the assistant.
"YES!" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
 
J-L once bubbled...
What is the only kind of blonde you can actually train to do things? - A golden retriever.

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
- The mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.


Wait -- does this mean you've trained your golden retriever to suck?

Eeew.

:rolleyes:

DM
 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/peregrine/

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