I f*** up and I am ashamed

[The Chairman]

I guess my question would be what is the harm in adding 1 additional kg?

My question as well but it appears he's got it figured out now!

I ask because divers on the forum may mention 'cave,' 'cavern' and 'swim-though,' and each term has a different meaning, but a fairly new diver encountering one as a surprise on a dive might not see the distinction.

I love you DrRich2! Yeah, learning the right terminology is important.

You were in no position to 'save' your wife.

Another great point!

I have never had a problem with being 2# overweighted, but have had a problem with not enough weight.

Meh. Your tidal volume is far, far greater than 2 pounds. You should be able to exhale and sink anywhere in the water column. I'm guessing he has a fairly thick wet suit for this to really be a problem. For me (no wetsuit or 3 mil), perfect weighting is at the start of the dive, with normally full lungs, feet crossed, hands crossed, empty BC and the top of my head is just awash. When I exhale, I start a gentle descent.

His wife should also know when not to continue a dive herself.

His wife did fine. Why bring her up? If you have to be that close and controlling, get romantic and hold her hand through the dive.

You had lots of air Dody. Had you remained calm and thought to yourself, "I have air, I have time to figure this out".

When you're in a panic, the tendency is to fill your lungs with even MORE air, making you even lighter in the water column. Relaxing is a huge skill that many seem to lack. Close your eyes, take a really, really deep breath, and slowly exhale till you can't exhale any further, and then exhale some more. We all naturally pause our breathing when our lungs are full. Learn to pause while they are empty.

You were very stressed,

My second rule of diving is the "rule of fun"... You can call a dive at any time, for any reason, no questions asked! IOW, if you're not having fun, stop and figure it out before you continue.

Stress is the antithesis of fun. Stress is also the anthesis of trust. You don't seem to be able to trust your wife to make the same decisions you would make. That might not be a failing on her part but yours. Overly protective spouses are often a cold blanket for fun. Relax. You did a swim through, panicked, and floated to the ceiling. Save for running out of air, there's not much that happens underwater that you can't handle... if it weren't for stress. That's the real killer here. It robs your brain of its ability to think logically. You're on the ceiling? Cool. Flop on your back and crawl out. If you always think that you're one breath away from perishing, then diving can't be any fun, so learn to relax. If you always think that your wife is one breath away from perishing, then diving with her can't be any fun either. Learn to trust her diving instincts as well.

Here's another thought... rather than avoid swim-throughs because you're skeered, go take a cavern course WITH your wife. We have a number of excellent instructors here in Cave Country who will help both of you accomplish the following...

Perfect buoyancy
Perfect trim
Great kicking techniques
Situational awareness
Communication skills
Buddy skills
Be able to look at an overhead environment and tell if it's a real problem
Trust
Confidence
and, much, much more...​

It's a great "couples therapy" for those who don't trust their Significant Other. On top of that, it's fun and challenging. I actually recommend Cavern to all my OW and AOW students because you'll finally learn to zen rather than stress during the dive. Hey, you might even find a new way to enjoy diving! Everything you learn in a Cavern class can be used in OW. The converse is not true. You won't be setting the bar higher, as much as more neutral.

Sorry this was so long.

 

[stiebs]

Here's another thought... rather than avoid swim-throughs because you're skeered, go take a cavern course WITH your wife. We have a number of excellent instructors here in Cave Country who will help both of you accomplish the following...

Pretty sure @Dody doesn't live anywhere "here in Cave Country" ...

 

[The Chairman]

Pretty sure @Dody doesn't live anywhere "here in Cave Country" ...

I often travel to dive... don't you? I would guess that most of the people who train here live more than a day's drive. Heck, some are from across the country and across the world and have to fly in. However, I used to live in the Keys and drove here twice a year to go caving. Now, I dive here and have not made it back to the Keys.

 

[Open Ocean Diver]

Here's another thought... rather than avoid swim-throughs because you're skeered, go take a cavern course WITH your wife. We have a number of excellent instructors here in Cave Country who will help both of you accomplish the following...
Perfect buoyancy
Perfect trim
Great kicking techniques
Situational awareness
Communication skills
Buddy skills
Be able to look at an overhead environment and tell if it's a real problem
Trust
Confidence
and, much, much more...
It's a great "couples therapy" for those who don't trust their Significant Other. On top of that, it's fun and challenging. I actually recommend Cavern to all my OW and AOW students because you'll finally learn to zen rather than stress during the dive. Hey, you might even find a new way to enjoy diving! Everything you learn in a Cavern class can be used in OW. The converse is not true. You won't be setting the bar higher, as much as more neutral.

We love this any recommendations, contacts, where to start?

 

[J-Vo]

We love this any recommendations, contacts, where to start?

Instructor listings - NSS-CDS Training Program

 

[Kimela]

I have always thought that I would sacrifice myself for my dear ones. In this case, I realized that I instead of looking for my wife whereabouts, I tried to save my life. And I am ashamed.

On flights they tell you to secure your mask before trying to help the person next to you - even if it's a child. You can't help your wife if you aren't first able to help yourself. I agree with @drrich2

It seems the added anxiety made you hold more air in your lungs, hence drift upward in the water column. Adding the extra 2 kg seems like a good move to me.

If you did exactly the same thing you did, after 300 dives, then I'd be agreeing that you made a bad decision. You're still new. Yes, you made the mistake of going into a cave in a "trust me" situation - but I feel that's on the DM more than you. You may have thought there was a light around the corner from where you entered. How in the world would you know? The DM was irresponsible and should get some heat for that.

When my husband and I are diving in a group that is getting ready to go into a swim through, even if we're not close to one another, we will make eye contact and signal whether we're doing the swim through or not. You and your wife will get to that point - hopefully, this will help you get there faster.

Btw, what does your wife think of what happened?

 

[Dody]

Sorry I do not understand:
You know you are under weighted and you still refuse to carry more weigth?
Makes no sense.
What do you do, when you go into deco, because of some kind of accident?
How do you hold you 3m stop?
Or if you get stucked at a cave ceiling at 2m?

If I had asked you that some days before, You would probably say, that will Never happen. But Murphys is always there.


Regarding the accident there is not much to say. I think you know that you effd up big times and there is not reason to tell you that again.
Thanks for sharing the story!
There are hundreds of storys just like yours, but still people are doing the same mistakes over and over again, until they experienced them theirself.
Your experience might save someone's life.

Caves and wrecks are dangerous. Don't go in their if not trained. The safety of a diver is always in their own hands.

Thanks you for sharing

I hold my safety stop at 5m (not 3) so I thought it was OK. Even though, I am very careful once I reach 10m. I ascend very very slow, my eyes on the DC. I now know that it was stupid even though this incident would not have happened if I had not lost control of my depth.

 

[Kimela]

I hold my safety stop at 5m (not 3) so I thought it was OK. Even though, I am very careful once I reach 10m. I ascend very very slow, my eyes on the DC. I now know that it was stupid even though this incident would not have happened if I had not lost control of my depth.

As the kids these days say, "Dude", you need to see what you did RIGHT! Earlier in this thread @chillyinCanada said something about being able to take stock of 'I have air, so that means I can take a minute to think about the next right step' (paraphrase). You did that. You didn't totally freak out. You made a plan and then acted on it. You have the makings of a competent diver (which is a high compliment).

FYI, I was your wife when we first started diving. I'd chase sharks, stop and look at things too long and lose track of the group, basically turned my husband into my babysitter. I was a horrible, clueless, inconsiderate dive buddy. I began to change when I got narc'd at 100 feet (dive #42! I just looked it up). Up to that point I relied on my husband to keep track of my air consumption (he was an air hog and I wasn't, so if he had air, I had air, right?); and if he could go "this deep" I could too; and if the dive guide went there, I could too. When I got narc'd, and Roger didn't, something in my brain said "you need to be more personally aware and responsible - and be a better buddy". (Btw, getting narc'd was actually fun - I hit 100 feet and felt a little tipsy - it wasn't a bad experience). Anyway, I went back to our room and got out the manual for my dive computer and started REALLY reading it. Started asking more questions like "what is this deco stuff?". I hope your wife is at least a better dive buddy than I was at that point - and hope she is becoming more aware of you after this incident. I know Roger wasn't too happy with my diving up to that point!

 

[Dody]

Instead of continuing to beat yourself up, let’s touch on what others could have done. I’m not so sure you were a crap buddy.

You had a problem. The other two could have realized you were missing, or were separated, and could have turned to try to find you. But they didn’t know. They, more so the DM, completely lacked situational awareness for the clients he was responsible for.

Were the other two responsible for the bad visibility through bad finning technique? They may have been causing your problems while they had great visibility, being the first ones through. It might have looked like an easy swim-through, but could have turned into a serious situation. The DM again should have been checking to see where you were, and if visibility was an issue, moved the group members closer together to the point of touch contact if necessary.

How much air did you have left, given it was the end of the dive? Did the DM check your pressures before going through the cave to determine if it was prudent to go in at all? What if one of you had a problem (like you did) and needed to share air? Would you have had enough to get out safely?

Much of my dissatisfaction is directed at the DM. You and your wife rightfully followed him, putting a certain level of trust in him to take you on a dive commensurate with your skills and equipment. Even if something like a swim-through, overhead, wreck, or cavern fits in what is permitted within recreational limits (at least by PADI) it doesn’t make it a trivial thing, as you found.

Stay safe!

I don't know why the vis was so bad in the cavern. But I had at least 100 bars of air. I never accept to surface with less than 50. It happened a couple of times that I decided to do my safety stop because I was at 60 bars and the Dive Guide signaled that everything was fine. Usually, everyone follows.

 

[Wibble]

You've done well @Dody. You've learned several lessons which will make you a better diver and nobody died (a miss is a miss).

Might even have opened your eyes to other types of diving.

Well done for posting this.