I f*** up and I am ashamed

[lowwall]

You're on the ceiling? Cool. Flop on your back and crawl out.

I was thinking that as well. Or stick your feet up there and push off with your legs. At 1 or 2 kg underweight you will get enough separation that you can kick away.

Dody, spend some time doing what pilots call unusual attitude training. Dive on your back, head up, feet up, right and left side up. Try some rolls, including holding it while kicking every 45 or 90 degrees. Once you are comfortable with this and are sure your gear is well secured, you can work up to Immelmanns, inside and outside loops and barrel rolls.

I do some of this on every dive. It's fun, you'll find out if your reg has any wet breathing issues (and how to deal with it) and it will help you be a lot more comfortable if you face a situation where you have to be in a non-standard position. And it's fun. Which is kind of the point.

 

[Cdncoldwater]

@Dody I rarely dive in good viz but 10M apart (33 feet) is not great buddy distance IMO. Lots of contributors to this incident; no lights, large distance between buddy, deviating from the dive plan, poor weighting, untrained/experience for environment etc. You shouldn't be ashamed but you should take a hard look at your dive practices and communication with your wife while diving. It's normal to want to save a loved one but if you're a victim you're no longer helping anyone and if you refuse to adjust your gear or practices, you increase your chance of becoming a victim.

 

[Ayisha]

I agree but I usually control this with my DC. In this case, I lost control because I could not see my DC...

...I ascend very very slow, my eyes on the DC. I now know that it was stupid even though this incident would not have happened if I had not lost control of my depth.

You lost control because you were underweighted. Period.

If you were weighted correctly, it would not have mattered how shallow you were at any point in the dive, including the end. You would have been in control of your depth at any point in the dive, and could go shallower or deeper at will.

If you move forward from this continuing to think that it was caused by some extraneous factors (the DG led and your wife followed; your wife followed the DG and you followed, too far away from either and no attempt made to communicate; no one was paying attention to you; you lost control because you had no working light to see the non-lit DC), it will not serve you well.
There was certainly a cascade of events that happened on this dive.

Given all of that, would you have been pinned to the ceiling if you weren't underweighted?

The point where this dive became a much bigger issue was when you could not regain your position in the water because you were underweighted.

The sooner you come to terms with that realization, the better.

 

[Dody]

As the kids these days say, "Dude", you need to see what you did RIGHT! Earlier in this thread @chillyinCanada said something about being able to take stock of 'I have air, so that means I can take a minute to think about the next right step' (paraphrase). You did that. You didn't totally freak out. You made a plan and then acted on it. You have the makings of a competent diver (which is a high compliment).

FYI, I was your wife when we first started diving. I'd chase sharks, stop and look at things too long and lose track of the group, basically turned my husband into my babysitter. I was a horrible, clueless, inconsiderate dive buddy. I began to change when I got narc'd at 100 feet (dive #42! I just looked it up). Up to that point I relied on my husband to keep track of my air consumption (he was an air hog and I wasn't, so if he had air, I had air, right?); and if he could go "this deep" I could too; and if the dive guide went there, I could too. When I got narc'd, and Roger didn't, something in my brain said "you need to be more personally aware and responsible - and be a better buddy". (Btw, getting narc'd was actually fun - I hit 100 feet and felt a little tipsy - it wasn't a bad experience). Anyway, I went back to our room and got out the manual for my dive computer and started REALLY reading it. Started asking more questions like "what is this deco stuff?". I hope your wife is at least a better dive buddy than I was at that point - and hope she is becoming more aware of you after this incident. I know Roger wasn't too happy with my diving up to that point!

Thank you for your post. I will show it to my wife. A couple of weeks ago, she came to me while we were at 35 meters asking why her DC alarm was on. We were at 5min NDL. I signaled her that it was OK and that we just needed to ascend a bit. Instead, she stayed watching an octopus. I grabbed her valve and went to 20 m where the NDL was like 15 minutes. After the dive, I told her that she was narced but she said no. Oblivious.

 

[Dody]

You lost control because you were underweighted. Period.

If you were weighted correctly, it would not have mattered how shallow you were at any point in the dive, including the end. You would have been in control of your depth at any point in the dive, and could go shallower or deeper at will.

If you move forward from this continuing to think that it was caused by some extraneous factors (the DG led and you followed; your wife followed the DG and you followed, too far away from either and no attempt made to communicate); no one was paying attention to you; you lost control because you had no working light to see the non-lit DC, it will not serve you well.
There was certainly a cascade of events that happened on this dive.

Given all of that, would you have been pinned to the ceiling if you weren't underweighted?

The point where this dive became a much bigger issue was when you could not regain your position in the water because you were underweighted.

The sooner you come to terms with that, the better.

You are right.

 

[Dan G]

I am super impressed that you have come to a public forum with your story. We all learn when people do this, so thank you.

You have been given quite a bit of good advice about diving and what to do differently next time. I cannot add to any of that, yet I can add to some of the ideas shared about diving with a spouse. My wife and I have about 200+ dives together and we will debrief after many dives about one thing or another. A frequent topic early in our diving together was communication and expectations. We often invented our own underwater signals for specific things based on the previous dive during these debriefs.

These debriefs would also lead to some great conversations about expectations in certain situations, one of which is always signaling if each of us is OK prior to a swim through as well as establishing some signals regarding who will be first to enter. This sounds similar to what Kimela posted earlier. A great outcome of these debriefs and discussions are that they were great for our relationship (The Chairman mentioned this, too). We bonded over these debriefs and invented signals. They also helped establish the fact that we are a buddy team, rather than two divers with one of us "being in charge."

 

[lowwall]

deviating from the dive plan,

Right. Even with a guide, there should have been a pre-dive briefing which absolutely should have included info and procedures about the cavern.

If your DM didn't do this you have two valid complaints about his conduct. An improper briefing and failure to get the group together and get an OK from everyone before entering the cavern.

But this is also an example of why you can't throw your judgement out the window just because you are on a guided dive. Not to be too snarky, but the OP is DM certified (see Don't know what happened). Would you want him to be leading a group through conditions they found challenging?

 

[Kimela]

Thank you for your post. I will show it to my wife. A couple of weeks ago, she came to me while we were at 35 meters asking why her DC alarm was on. We were at 5min NDL. I signaled her that it was OK and that we just needed to ascend a bit. Instead, she stayed watching an octopus. I grabbed her valve and went to 20 m where the NDL was like 15 minutes. After the dive, I told her that she was narced but she said no. Oblivious.

Oh - that sounds eerily familiar. She may not have been narc'd, but she also may not understand why NDL is important. And until she gets yelled at by the boat captain for a beeping computer (no need to ask me how I know), she may not! Good luck!

 

[Dody]

Together we stand, divided we fall.

That's true in diving as well as life in general


You and your wife are the BUDDIES. You need to have some fixed rules in place. Irrespective of the seperation between you during an actual dive, which can be some distance in high current conditions for example, you BOTH need to ensure that you both stop BEFORE any significant change in dive environment, and both agree to procede, with appropriate signalling. That might be a descent to a lower depth, going into a swim through, surfacing, what ever really. At any point where there is a noticable change in environment, risk, or dive profile, you both stop, buddy up closely, and both agree before proceeding. This point is also an ideal point for an air check and gear check (take a quick look at each others kit, look for any obv problems etc.

So yes, you messed up, but your wife messed up by simply following the guide without stopping and waiting and AGREEING with you, her buddy. This is the classic "three person team" problem we see time and time again

I agree. However, the problem is that as you get more and more experienced, you become sloppy. You dive like you walk at the surface. You believe that because you have properly checked your equipment, nothing foul can happen to you. You forget that you are underwater. I am perfectly aware of that and that's why I don't want to do tec diving. But this event showed me that even as a rec diver, I am not in full control.

 

[Swedinsidemount]

Since the first day I started diving, I have always said that no one but me would be responsible for my safety. I stuck to that rule even when my wife who loves playing the mermaid buddy is going too far.
I dive with 4kg of lead. I struggle a bit to go down but once I reach 2m with a full tank, it is fine. I hold my 5 m safety stop at the end of the dive with no issue however if I reach 2 meters at the end of the dive, I will surface and will not be able to go down after. Some tell me that I should dive with 5 kg but I refuse.
Yesterday, my wife and I went to a boat dive with a DM. At the end of the dive, we went into a big cave with no visibility. The briefing did not mention this cave. The DM entered, my wife entered. I was at the back and I followed even though I would not have if my wife was not in front of me. I could not see anything, could not see my DC because of the poor vis and did not see my wife. Then, I realized that I was moving up. Purging air did not do anything and I ended up stuck at the cave ceiling at 2m (I checked my DC later) with my head knocking on rocks.
Summary: I am stuck at a cave ceiling with 0 visibility, so shallow that I can't go down and I have lost sight of my wife and the DM.
To make a long story short, I used all my strength (Exhaling, down kicks and arms) to go down, in an upside down position and swallowing sea water ( I understood what wet breathing means) and went for the cave exit light. One minute afterwards, I was at the surface on my own. Ashamed becaused I did not know where my wife was. 5 minutes later, she surfaced with the DM. They had looked for me before surfacing.
I am ashamed. I should not have entered this cave. I should not have let my wife enter this cave. At the end, I was a crap buddy.

I think the DM screwed up more. As DM its his responsibility to plan and execute the dive safety, if you say there was no mention of cave( you saw light so it's more of a cavern) during pre-dive, then there was no way you could prepare or plan for yourself or partner. I also assume your group went into the cave without redundant air, setting line, carrying three lights each, etc... could have ended much worse...it wasn't entirely your fault <TG>