How to spot a "bad buddy" - have you ever refused a buddy?

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Now like others have said a good dive buddy will be relaxed prepping their gear. smiling( this is an important one ) and will talk about the dive or ask about the dive
They will verbally refer to you and him as a team in one way shape or form ie: not make it all about him/her they will also let you know their limitations.and not be afraid or embarrassed about them.
But most importantly they will be happy with any dive as long as they get wet
 
I have definitely done this.

(You might be a bad buddy if: 2. you frantically look at other assembled kits on the boat in an attempt to figure out how to put your gear together.)

My assessment of this person is harsh, but warranted. There is a huge chasm between not knowing and not caring. This character didn’t give a rats and his ignorance and complacency put others at risk. If he had entered the water “breathing” from his inflator hose, he would have panicked and latched on to somebody else’s reg in a heartbeat.

The vast majority of experienced divers are more than willing to assist, advise and mentor new divers displaying a motivation to improve. Nothing new here, but my unsolicited advice is to get busy as soon as you get on the boat or arrive at the shore dive site. Analyze your tanks pronto if diving nitrox (if you haven’t already). Then assemble your gear with minimal interruption and have everything ready to go. Now you have plenty of time to fidget and obsess! It’s too easy to get distracted and look for squirrels on a dive boat. Our last trip to Cozumel we were seconds from back rolling into the water and I looked down and saw some big black fins without any feet in them. Mine!
 
Boat crews do not necessarily know how to assemble everyone's gear. Anything unusual may cause problems. Divers should double check that the crew has assembled the gear properly.

Sometimes, It can be interesting seeing boat crews trying to put gear together. A boat crew in Cozumel recently tried to strap a tank onto my xdeep Stealth sidemount bcd. I think they thought it was broken.
 
I get this and agree. At the same time, dive operators often frown on divers putting together their gear even when the diver owns the gear. It's easy to get out of practice when you never do it. So I'd like advice (as a new diver) on how to deal with this.
I was going to respond to this and decided to read further to see if anyone else already did and then came across the reply from @NWGratefulDiver - Didn't surprise me to see such a coherent and intelligent response from him. Great counsel indeed and exactly what I always do. More often than not, the only issue I ever have is tank height positioning.
 
Ok. I haven’t seen it posted yet so I will own up to it. I am a bad buddy, I am a solo diver at heart and I specifically do not want to have a buddy if I am solo diving.

So if you see me on a boat without a buddy, please do not be offended if I do not wish to be your buddy. The fault is mine and has absolutely nothing to do with you. When I do “buddy” it is usually with a like minded solo diver.
 
We almost need a buddy rating system and matching system.
 
One thing I haven't read is about is the diver that "swims" while diving. I know of one friend that denied his arms flailing about, until I accidentally caught on video (really, it was purely accidental).

I dove in T&C and remember listening to this one guy that wanted to pair up with a pretty, young lady. He din't know her. The DM took charge and said that all needed to be with her (the DM). I think it was lucky for the young lady. That idiot could have ripped a reg out of her mouth the way he was swinging his arms. I made sure to stay at least 20' away from him.

I
 
I get this and agree. At the same time, dive operators often frown on divers putting together their gear even when the diver owns the gear. It's easy to get out of practice when you never do it. So I'd like advice (as a new diver) on how to deal with this.
If all you've done is valet service dive ops, your LDS may sponsor open pool nights, go there and practice your set up. Valet service doesn't help the new diver.
 
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A quick question about the dive plan talk with your buddy...

Doesn't the DM give the dive plan? When you plan with your buddy, is it more about what hand signals they use, and how close together you want to stay... that sort of thing?

(And thank you *everyone* for all the great advice and answers)


Yes, and in describing him I'll point out what I think you should look for.

It was in Bonaire, on an afternoon boat dive out to Klein Bonaire. I'd already three dives that day, and told my assigned dive buddy that I wanted to stay above 60 feet. He (a German fellow) said "yah", and that's what I thought the plan was. But once we got in the water he proceeded straight downslope. At 60 feet I signaled for us to level out. He looked at me and proceeded to go deeper. At 80 feet I got emphatic. Again he ignored my signal to level off and proceeded deeper. At 100 feet I stopped and watched him continue on downslope ... which was dumb because in Bonaire there's very little to see at that depth on most dive sites. I tried getting his attention, but he was looking straight down and continuing deeper. At that point I left him and swam back up to 60 feet to join the guide and those people he was leading. I didn't see my "dive buddy" again until after the dive was over ... he was already back on the boat when we surfaced, having gone through is air at 120+ feet while the rest of us were enjoying the reef. After surface interval he acted like we were going to buddy again. I told the dive guide what happened and that I would not be comfortable going back in the water with this fellow. And I didn't.

Now, what to look for. First thing you should do is go over a dive plan. If for any reason he seems disinterested in talking about it ... or he gives you the impression he's got a "my dive" attitude instead of an "our dive" attitude, find another dive buddy. Experience is less a factor in being a good buddy than attitude. Experience will help you develop good buddy skills, but only if you're actually interested in being a dive buddy ... which entails quite a bit more than just jumping in the water at roughly the same place and time as another diver.

As a new diver, I'd avoid diving with anybody who's carrying a camera (if that's possible) ... most divers with cameras have either not developed very good buddy skills, or are neglecting them because they're a lower priority than getting that "perfect" shot ... and at best you'll end up doing all the work needed to keep the team together, which means you probably won't be able to relax and enjoy the dive.

I'll disagree with those who've said to avoid someone like yourself ... being new is less an impediment to good buddy diving than being self-absorbed. Be honest about your experience level, and make a sincere attempt to discuss the dive plan, as well as your expectations of how to dive together. If they're unwilling to talk about it, they're going to be even less willing to put effort into doing it. And that's a pretty good indication that this isn't the person you're going to be comfortable diving with.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)
 

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