How to piss off a Divemaster?

[george_austin]

1.) Equipment dependent divers. 2.) Divers of a certain type (Koreans) that scour the southern California sea bed for those tasty sea cucumbers and other illegally collected marine life in order to bum rush the galley after the dive and throw that dead stuff on the grill. 3.) Divers that drink too much beer at the end of the day, then pretend they're Joe Sea Hunt around all the cute girls. 4.) New divers that need 5 people to carry their weight belt aboard, have to fully inflate their 36# lift water wings in order to not go rocketing to the bottom while chatting to their friends on the surface - return from the dive and drop their weight belt from waist high on my foot. 5.) Divers that show up a half hour before boarding with enough gear in roller bags to sink a battleship then try to rush the gangway and deposit all that new dive gear right in the middle of a pathway - these people are always the most nervous, which is weird considering they have the most up to date and modern market driven equipment, whistles, alarms, transmitters, flares, flare guns, instruction booklets, etc. etc. 6.) The uber experienced Captain Ahab spear gunners - loading up and charging their toys on the fantail - 2 hours before the first dive. 7.) The story tellers - OH. My. Gawd. 8.) The "Sporting Goods Superstore" Instructors taking a class of 8 or 10 greenhorn bubbleblowers out for their first boat dives who think they have purchased the boat for the day and "don't listen to the divemaster" - "he's not a PADI instructor" . . .

 

[tajkd]

One more - Explain to me the disorder that causes you to be in such poor physical condition that you can't get into your drysuit even with the entire crew helping, then explain why you need 30lbs of lead, then explain why it takes an hour for you to prepare yourself to enter the water and, once in, panic causes you to flail at the surface. And now please explain why it's the DM's job to get you back into the boat and clean the excrement out of your stinking drysuit. Here, have another donut...

---------- Post added December 17th, 2013 at 10:08 AM ----------

1.) Equipment dependent divers. 2.) Divers of a certain type (Koreans) that scour the southern California sea bed for those tasty sea cucumbers and other illegally collected marine life in order to bum rush the galley after the dive and throw that dead stuff on the grill. 3.) Divers that drink too much beer at the end of the day, then pretend they're Joe Sea Hunt around all the cute girls. 4.) New divers that need 5 people to carry their weight belt aboard, have to fully inflate their 36# lift water wings in order to not go rocketing to the bottom while chatting to their friends on the surface - return from the dive and drop their weight belt from waist high on my foot. 5.) Divers that show up a half hour before boarding with enough gear in roller bags to sink a battleship then try to rush the gangway and deposit all that new dive gear right in the middle of a pathway - these people are always the most nervous, which is weird considering they have the most up to date and modern market driven equipment, whistles, alarms, transmitters, flares, flare guns, instruction booklets, etc. etc. 6.) The uber experienced Captain Ahab spear gunners - loading up and charging their toys on the fantail - 2 hours before the first dive. 7.) The story tellers - OH. My. Gawd. 8.) The "Sporting Goods Superstore" Instructors taking a class of 8 or 10 greenhorn bubbleblowers out for their first boat dives who think they have purchased the boat for the day and "don't listen to the divemaster" - "he's not a PADI instructor" . . .

Absolutely ! Nice list but you need to add the dive shop owner who thinks that since he chartered the boat, he doesn't need to listen to, follow instructions from or tip a DM. Neither do his clients...

 

[DivemasterDennis]

Things divers do that piss off DivemasterDennis:

1. Not paying attention to the pre-dive briefing, instead fiddling with equipment, cameras or just chatting
2. Not doing a proper pre-dive buddy check
3. Failing to remain in reasonable proximity to me if they are not diving their own profile by prior arrangement
4. Failing to maintain proximity to their buddy
5. Making any misrepresentation about their experience or competence
6. Not moving away from the dive deck immediately upon re-boarding the boat
7. Not monitoring their air supply and telling me when they are at the stated "notice" level
8. Not monitoring their depth and exceeding the planned depth for the dive
9. Blaming me for things beyond my control- the weather, the viz, the surge or current, etc.
10. Not asking for help if they need it- whether setting up gear or for anything else. I'm not a psychic.

DivemasterDennis

 

[SailNaked]

I listened to a Buffoon pronounced "Balloon" argue with a DM on a boat that it was his right to kick and stand on the coral because he paid to be on the boat. and his "tourist dollars" supported the whole industry. same guy that if you pointed out something to your buddy, would knock both of you out of the way to stick his GoPro in its face.
Thankfully this location is known for its shore diving, We tipped the DM well out of sympathy and we never did another boat dive.

 

[TMHeimer]

I wouldn't say it really pisses me off, but I ponder why folks with very limited or no "water' experience blindly sign up for scuba. There was one guy who of course almost died doing the swim test. He was sweating in a 5 mil wetsuit in the pool (apparently he was in there before with a previous class in his shorty and froze). Then he was critical of the instructor-- and the course--in that there was just too much to comprehend all at once. I told him I agreed that there is a lot to do in 2 days on the weekend course and perhaps the night course would be better. He had never snorkelled before, which is probably more common than you'd think, but still curious to me. I realize people may sign up because of attractive (tropical...) ads to do a new activity. But you'd think there would be more thought going into it considering it's a pretty serious thing to be going underwater.

 

[boulderjohn]

It used to be blow-drying the "dust" cap before replacing it on the 1st stage to prevent salt-water ingress. The reason being that there are precious few dry towels around on the average small dive boat in British waters with which to silently dry the cap.

However, this has morphed into the ludicrous procedure of blowing air at the 1st stage which is just a good way of atomising any salt-water on the sealing face and driving it through the sintered brass filter and on into the 1st stage.

My experience is just the opposite. When I was certified back int he last millennium, I was taught to blow air on the first stage to dry it. Years later I took a DM course and was told that blowing air on the first stage was an obsolete practice and could harm the regulator by forcing water into first stage. I learned to dry off the dust cap instead.

 

[Akimbo]

The best way to piss off a good divemaster is to endanger yourself or others by being a moron. However, a good slap up the back of the head works pretty well on the few crappy ones with Scuba-god complexes.

 

[James R]

This happened to me: A guy offered me a $1.00 tip after I had to rescue him on a dive.

I told him if his life is only worth a dollar, then he should keep it.

 

[Traijin]

I am a Divemaster and I have plenty of stories about clientele, but that is between them and me. However, I have witnessed an insidious aspect repeat itself for Divemasters on vacation trips I have been part of.

I submit: "The Unrepentant Complainer"

This is the person, that no matter what, nothing is good enough.

In fact, the complainer is so disappointed that they spend endless time telling everyone, searching for nonexistent commiseration.

The person will dwell on any issue and drag down anyone who will listen. This can begin to create a sour mood for a few people in a large group.

Drag the unrepentant complainer scenario out for an entire week of diving and it becomes embarrassing. Multiple divers even attempt to elevate the mood of the complainer to no avail.

(bear in mind the following examples are in a third world country)

A minor delay of 45 minutes due to an engine problem is fuel for days of acidic complaining.

Apparently it is a crime that the dive facility does not open up at the crack of dawn, 9 AM is ridiculously late for The Unrepentant Complainer while on a tropical vacation.

The complainer chose to dive Nitrox, but did not bring an analyzer. So, having to wait for the available analyzers to make their way to him/her is apparently insanely unprofessional.

All of the above is the absolute fault of the DM's according to the complainer and he/she will even petition other guest to withhold all tips at the end of a week long dive trip.

Its amazing how everyone else loved the trip.

I entertained secret thoughts involving a cattle prod and blasting "The Unrepentant Complainer" off the dive boat.

I have seen this type of mentality manifest itself in larger groups of 70 people or so over the course of a week. Its insidious nature is found in one or two people in a group of that size.

 

[mala]

Things divers do that piss off DivemasterDennis:

1. Not paying attention to the pre-dive briefing, instead fiddling with equipment, cameras or just chatting
2. Not doing a proper pre-dive buddy check
3. Failing to remain in reasonable proximity to me if they are not diving their own profile by prior arrangement
4. Failing to maintain proximity to their buddy
5. Making any misrepresentation about their experience or competence
6. Not moving away from the dive deck immediately upon re-boarding the boat
7. Not monitoring their air supply and telling me when they are at the stated "notice" level
8. Not monitoring their depth and exceeding the planned depth for the dive
9. Blaming me for things beyond my control- the weather, the viz, the surge or current, etc.
10. Not asking for help if they need it- whether setting up gear or for anything else. I'm not a psychic.

DivemasterDennis

I cant believe that you honestly have no control over some of the above points dennis.