How to handle non diving husband who is being difficult....

[JamesK]

I'm sorry I asked the question. How do I delete the entire thread.

Why delete it? Because you did not get the answer you were looking for? Because you have some perception of certain replies that is incorrect? If this is how you handle adversity, I can see how this is a big issue in your relationship. Maybe you area king this a bigger issue them your husband believed it is.

You asked for advice. You were given some good advice from many. Joint trips, counseling, talking it out, getting to the root of the issue.

---------- Post added May 17th, 2013 at 09:02 AM ----------

I do hope you get it worked out though. Honestly. Otherwise I would have said "leave him"!

 

[ladyfishdvr]

Just for clarity, I have been married for 22 years and I love my husband. He has never acted like this before, and yes we have a good relationship. He just spent a week on a fishing trip which covered Mothers Day and our anniversary and I did not mind because he loves to fish.

I am getting this attitude from him, and also when people find out he does not dive they have the impression I am looking for a man. Well I am not. I have a good one and I want to keep him. What is the matter with being a woman who just wants to enjoy diving and have fun doing it? Nothing in my opinion!

 

[JamesK]

I also feel this is a good topic. The discussion that comes from this could actually help others on your situation.

 

[flots am]

. . . He has come to a few dive club meetings with me. Then he says to me " Your diving will tear us apart". Well what the hell does that mean? I just acquired a used regulator and he asked me about it. When I said "it will be ok for now but a good backup when I get new gear" he got very angry. . . . So what's his problem?

It's a control and gender issue. He doesn't like you going off and doing something independently. In his mind, he's allowed to do what he wants and you aren't

This has nothing to do with you SCUBA diving and would be the same reaction if you decided to take up Roller Derby, Sky Diving or anything else fun or exciting that didn't involve him.

My only suggestion would be to tell him to suck it up and deal with it. It won't make him happy but will let him know that he can't control you. If you think that might make him violent, you have bigger, more immediate concerns.

I also work at home. And I dive and my wife doesn't. Do you know what she says when I take off for a weekend to go diving? "Have a great time and be safe!"

flots

 

[uncfnp]

Please don't delete or abandon your thread. I think it could be relevant to more than you. And it's good to get the view point of the other side as well. But with the limited info given on the source if his behavior, all we can offer is sympathy. Do you want to provide more detail or leave it there?

 

[ladyfishdvr]

More detail. Ok, I frequently go kayaking by myself - never a problem. I have kept him in the loop this entire time with the scuba diving. Tell him everything. Obviously he has an issue with it or some aspect of it that I am oblivious to. Maybe because there are men involved that I will meet and talk to. A jealousy issue perhaps. And no he is not violent. I am missing something because I am not thinking the way he is. I asked him why he thought this would tear us apart and he said he did not know why he said that. So I'm confused. We talked about a trip to florida so I could dive and he could fish and he liked that idea.

 

[ferris213]

I can offer my advice as a man. It would be to avoid the subtle hints. Causally leaving travel brochures etc and hoping he puts it all together... I know it doesn't work on me! Choose a time that is not related to the topic at hand and ask calm, polite but straight up what his issues are, then work together to sort through them.

It sounds like you think it might be related to jealousy?? From my personal experience that usually stems from an insecurity... A touchy subject for a guy to confront and one not to be taken lightly.

I'm a believer in counseling too. Good luck with it!

**Edit** You were posting while I was typing.

 

[dlofting]

Maybe your husband can't understand why anyone in their right mind would want to swim around 50 - 100 feet under the water, breathing from a man made contraption.

My oldest son is a hard core rock climber but can't fathom what my wife, youngest daughter and myself see in scuba diving.

 

[lostcajun]

I agree. This is an important topic! From the general description of your relationship with your husband it sounds like you will be able to come to agreement. Most people have collisions with the people they love when it comes to hobbies.... Thanks for posting.

 

[oldschoolto]

Just for clarity, I have been married for 22 years and I love my husband. He has never acted like this before, and yes we have a good relationship. He just spent a week on a fishing trip which covered Mothers Day and our anniversary and I did not mind because he loves to fish.

I am getting this attitude from him, and also when people find out he does not dive they have the impression I am looking for a man. Well I am not. I have a good one and I want to keep him. What is the matter with being a woman who just wants to enjoy diving and have fun doing it? Nothing in my opinion!

It's about control and keeping every thing the same.... It's NOT about money... It's NOT about time.... It's NOT about you.... IT's about HIM..... In skydiving we call it a "skydiving induced divorce" ....

The only way to deal with this is to say..... I LOVE " YOU ".... I WANT " YOU " ..... But you must let me be "ME"..... Just as I have let you be "YOU" all these years.... Diving makes me " HAPPY ".... Just like fishing makes you happy..... Don't you want the love of your life, your wife of 22 yrs 'HAPPY' ?????

Jim.....