Hot Peppers

[wstein]

ouch....

 

[TSandM]

Years ago, I went to an Indian restaurant in Berkeley with my folks and their best friends. We all ordered curries, and when asked how spicy we wanted them, we all responded, "Medium." The last woman was sitting a little ways from the waiter and he didn't hear her, so he asked again, and she replied, "Medium, medium hot."

The food came and we all tucked into it. It was pleasantly spicy. But Claire, the woman in the corner, complained bitterly that hers was too hot to eat. We teased her about her "English mouth", because it was known that she didn't have the tolerance for spices the rest of us had.

When I finished my dish, Claire's was largely untouched, and I asked her if I could have it (this in my younger and calorie-tolerant days). She said, "Sure." So I grabbed the plate, dragged it over, and took a heaping forkful of curry . . . and choked. The stuff was fiery! Apparently we had all ordered "medium", but Claire had managed to order "medium hot", which was about an order of magnitude more formidable. I could not, of course, admit the difference, after we had teased her so much, so I manfully ate the entire plate of it. Not the last time in my life I've suffered for machismo . . .

When I was in my residency, I met a man while working in the ER. We spent a long time talking about food (what else do you talk about at 2 in the morning?) and found out we both really liked hot peppers, and both of us were seeing people who didn't. We agreed to go out for Thai food some night and order it as spicy as we wanted it.

Several months later, we repaired to my favorite Thai place in downtown Seattle, and ordered everything four star. They believed us (they knew me) and the food was very hot, although wonderfully flavorful. But about a half hour into the meal, I began to have the most horrible stomach pain I'd ever experienced. It felt as though the peppers were actually trying to burn their way to the outside world. My companion was having the same symptoms. We actually quit eating and had the restaurant pack the food up. I thought I was going to have to be seen in my own ER!

I took the container home and put it in the fridge, but first I drew a skull and crossbones on the cover, because my roommates were wont to raid such leftovers, and I figured what hurt me, would kill them.

 

[Missdirected]

:lol: You must have acutally like your roomies?

Venturediver: :11doh:

 

[wreckchick]

So, what exactly does the ER do with a case of boy-with-bleach-to-the-privates? Morphine? Point and laugh?

R

 

[venturediver]

He got a nice cool bath and some antibiotic ointment. Of course, there was a lot of pointing and laughing too. He just couldn't see it.

 

[ONESPEED]

 

[Missdirected]

OMGosh, I will have to catch up on this thread. Some of those stories are still hysterical.

 

[Missdirected]

Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at the a chili cook-off after a recent sailing event. It’s probably because no one else wanted to do it after the original personal called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the bar when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO:. Nice, smooth tomato flavor Very mild.
BRUCE: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
BRUCE: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.

Chili # 3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
BRUCE: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends call her “Sally.” Probably behind her back they call her “Forklift.”

Chili # 4: Bubba’s Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: A hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
BRUCE: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me her snake sort of coiled and uncoiled - it’s kinda cute.

Chili # 5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
BRUCE: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Chili # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
BRUCE: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing later.

Chili # 7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am a bit worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress.
BRUCE: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save yourself before it's too late. Tell our children I’m sorry I was not there to conceive them. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful and I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I've found a super nova on my tongue.

Chili # 8: Helen’s Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
BRUCE: Momma?