Help! looking for mommy divers

[divingirl]

:06: OK, I hope I don't regret this but I am just a little frustrated. If I am just crazy tell me, but am I the only one who feels like they are the hired help? Every day I get crap about how the house isn't clean enough. It doesn't look like the Cleavers across the street. My hubby thinks I sit around and eat bon bons all day or something. I feel like I am running myself ragged trying to keep up with everything. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to keep up with all those supermoms out there. You know the type...perfect hair and makeup, skinny as a rail and perfectly behaved children, their houses and cars look unlived in. Like something out of a magizine or off of TV. Oh, and if I ever take time for myself, away from the kid and the housework and go diving..."I'm neglecting our son and choosing diving over our family. My place is to stay home." But golfing and hunting trips are ok for him. Who by the way is only home for a couple of hours anyway, between his eat, sleep and work schedualing.
I don't know am I just being selfish...I tried some of those mommy boards but they are all those mommies that stay up til midnight handpainting their kids homework and can't wait to scrub out the oven. Have you ever noticed they even dress like there kids? I'm hoping to find a few down to earth moms that might understand where I'm coming from. Should I be greatful and continue to stay home or what?...

 

[ScubaJW]

I am not a mother but I can see that kind of burden:

that's normal, you are not the only one out there, there are severals like you even men too. you and ur hubby (I assume) didn't balance out the responsibilities if you have a job. Reading what your hubby say that you sit around and eat, whatever - he is just telling you possibly in a way of joke that actually he is - not you. Or he is just pressuring you to work more.

your hubby should take over your position shortly (if you don't have a job) if you need a vacation or go diving. Or maybe make a deal with your hubby somehow.

Don't take that supermoms with perfect-behaved children, it is sometimes that their kids were sent to boarding school where they live in for school year then come back home for the summer. Or whatever they did to their children.

 

[baitedstorm]

Girl, just look him dead in the eyes and TELL him, your going diving!

 

[skeet]

Take care of your child, it needs you. He has to learn to give and take not just take. If he has developedinto that kind, well you do have choices.

 

[jhelmuth]

Tell him he either takes you hunting, or you want time off for good behavior (keeping out of his fun).

Peace out,

Jim

 

[fmw625]

I was a house husband for a short time between jobs. My hat is off to all of you ladies who manage to do what you do even though you don't have public jobs. With two small preschool children, I was ready to find another job quickly. I think that women that stay at home and work all day should have some time to just get away and relax and get a break.

 

[diveprn]

I take it he's not into diving?
My ex & I had separate interests & we had a son & 11 years later twins sons It was indeed very hard back then. You just do what you can do. Maybe counseling is an option? I really tried to get him involved in my interests or take me with him. (I didn't dive back then) but, he was more interested in hunting with his best friend, still does. I was going with hime hunting & fishing until my twins came then boom I couldn't go anymore. He kept his interests & I had to find my own between the kids activity.
I finally got divorced when the graduated HS & signed my 3 sons & myself up for diving lessons. He still hunts with his buddy & that's about all he does & I live, I travel, dive & have a great job. We are still friends.
I am not suggesting divorce as I tried & tried to save our marriage. Don't feel selfish, just schedule your time & try to work it out.
Good Luck, Valerie

 

[Flora]

I am not a mommy ( but I hope to be someday)

Sometimes my mom feels the same way, even though she doesn't dive. She thinks her house is never clean enough ( like the neighbors) the yard isn't groomed enough. I always tell her,( now that I have a place of my own to keep up.) Do you ever see the neighbors outside using their yard? Laughing with their kids or just sitting out side on the deck haveing a beer when the hubby gets home??

Anyway, You are the best supermom out there. Even though I don't know you.

Just wait until your kid is old enough to start diving.

If I were you and please do not take this the wrong way, I would not clean up for a little bit. To show him how much you do. Schedule a diving weekend just for you. Ask your hubby to do small things at first Set the table, fold the laundry, do the dishes. I hate to say but make him earn his keep.

This is my humble opnion, so please od not take it the wrong way. I know you will do just fine, whatever you choose.

 

[H2Andy]

Oh, and if I ever take time for myself, away from the kid and the housework and go diving..."I'm neglecting our son and choosing diving over our family. My place is to stay home." But golfing and hunting trips are ok for him. Who by the way is only home for a couple of hours anyway, between his eat, sleep and work schedualing.

i think this is the problem here, divingirl. you have an essentially unfair relationship.

you need to have time to yourself too, and that means he needs to take over
for you with the child and the house.

what's fair is fair. he can't expect to have his fun time but expect you to give yours
up.

basically, he was a sweet deal. he gets to have fun and you take care of all the difficult stuff.

nah-ah...

you need to make him aware of the problem (you need time to do your own thing
too), the solution (he needs to take over for you so you can), and when it's going
to start (i am going diving X date, and I expect you to cover for me).

if that doesn't work, you may need to get a marriage counsellor involved the get
the message across to him.

(this of course is just my opinion, etc. etc.)

 

[Maya]

My advice would be to stop trying to figure out how to keep up with all the "supermoms" and figure out what will work best in YOUR life. Balance is the key to not going crazy...you need to have a balance between work and play; between family time and alone time, etc.

So....you and your husband need to communicate with each other about your respective needs and desires - as individuals and also the needs and desires of the family as a whole.

Remember.....if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!