Having wife / girlfriend as dive buddy

[Kim]

boxcar - great post!
Let's face it - diving is about taking your life in your own hands and being responsible. If that isn't what marriage/serious relationship is about as well then I seriously don't get it. To me - they are made for each other.

 

[baitedstorm]

cut the cord man! You'll be doing her a favor in the long run.

 

[Giggi]

For safety reasons I don't take my wife and my girlfriend on the same dive

Great, now I have to clean coffee off my monitor!

Seriously though Mordred, your wife is very lucky to have you as a dive buddy. Speaking from a wife's p.o.v., I have to say that my hubby/buddy tends to want to do everything for me and it gets annoying, mainly because I do not want to become dependent on him for my safety issues. However, I do appreciate the fact that his strong hands can secure my tank straps a lot better than I can, and he makes sure my octo is not tangled up in my BC (because I'm a klutz). (I, OTOH, have shown him a few buoyancy techniques I picked up from other divers.) Perhaps you have allowed your wife to become too dependent on you because you have been overprotective.

If this is the case, perhaps you can suggest pairing off with other (willing and trusted) dive buddies (maybe more experienced buddies who are willing to take you both under their wings) to reinforce safety checks, and also to help you both with skills which your symbiotic divebuddy relationship might have diminished in either of you. (Perhaps you are better at air consumption and she is better at buoyancy control...being with a different buddy might help break bad habits simply by observing how someone else may handle situations).

Or take a class together.

JMHO

 

[ScubaDoobaDo]

As the wife of my dive buddy...
1st off I would suggest that she gets a new mask... that would make her more comfy..
2ndly - My husband & I only dive 1-2 weeks a year. We take our training manual and review it TOGETHER on the way to our scuba destination.. I tease him all of the time about his BAD air consumption and he teases me about tightening the straps on the tank. By training together and diving together we feel extremely comfortable knowing each others strengths and weaknesses. BUT, we have talked about it... he would feel comfortable letting me know (and has) if he had a problem with something I am doing and visa versa.
By reviewing the manual together you could bring up how you do the checks and that it may be a good idea if you switched rolls...

 

[Rick Murchison]

I'm try to be very thorough with my equipment checks, etc. and as a result she is not. ... Another issue we have is if she has a problem ... she'll focus ALL her attention on the problem and forget about EVERYTHING else. ... How can I handle these issues diplomatically ...
How do you guys experience having your wife / gf as a dive buddy - similar issues or am I alone here?

I see this a lot, not only between husband/wife (or man/girlfriend) but also between parent/child and occasionally even other buddies. Solutions are as varied as there are individuals, but some of the more successful ones I've seen are: (reinforcing what others have mentioned already, mostly)
(1) Have the dependent buddy (DB) take a con-ed diving class by themselves.
(2) Have the DB dive with someone else for awhile.
(3) Have the DB take the rescue diver course - in fact, while I'm on that subject, I believe every diver should have the rescue course on their "must do" list.
(4) Have the DB lead every other dive.
--------
My bride of 23 years is my very favorite dive buddy. I'm lucky in that she put me off overzealous "helping" early on - "How will I learn to do this stuff myself if you always do it for me?" She has taken CE courses through Rescue and Master Diver, and says those have helped her truly relax and enjoy her diving. She wasn't overly enthused about taking the Rescue course, by the way, until I suggested we run an "all women" rescue class. Suddenly six women wanted to take the Rescue course and it was a grand success - so you might suggest that to your LDS.
Good luck.
S

 

[Dive4air]

I just leave my wife at home and take the girlfriend diving ;-).

Actually, my wife isn't a diver and i wish she were. If she was, i would wanna be the one to buddy with her because I want our dsafety to be in our hands not in some stranger's. If this is the only issue she has, consider yourself lucky that your wife is even willing to be out there with you...unless you have a girlfriend too.

 

[baitedstorm]

I just leave my wife at home and take the girlfriend diving ;-).

That explains the note I got from your wife asking me to shut off your air as soon as you reached 100 feet



:laughing:

 

[Azza]

Ok I have to be honest. My Fiancée is my favourite dive buddy for Rec dives.

When she first did her OW course she was really nervous about diving, and the fact that she had a really bad instructor didn’t help that matter. So when we started diving together she would expect me to do nearly everything for her and really use me as a crutch. However that was only because she was nervous and not confident. So we bought her own set of gear, and I slowly trained her to be a better diver, working on buoyancy, trim and propulsion techniques until one day I suggested she did her AOW. By this stage she had done 40 something dives, including a dozen or so to 30msw (100 ft) or more and was a brilliant diver, although she only had me as a comparison so wasn’t aware of that fact. When she did her AOW she came back to me and asked me if I was playing a joke on her. She said the other students were absolutely terrible divers and the course was nothing she hadn’t done already.
That’s when she realised that she was actually a very good diver and has since refused to let me help her and quite often likes to plan and lead the dive.

So the point I am trying to make is that you have to make her dive with other people and maybe work on her skills somewhat. If you don’t feel confident enough, or don’t have the required skill level yourself then try to find someone else to help. Maybe join a dive club or take a Peak Performance Buoyancy class?

 

[redacted]

(4) Have the DB lead every other dive.
--------
My bride of 23 years is my very favorite dive buddy. I'm lucky in that she put me off overzealous "helping" early on - "How will I learn to do this stuff myself if you always do it for me?" She has taken CE courses through Rescue and Master Diver, and says those have helped her truly relax and enjoy her diving. She wasn't overly enthused about taking the Rescue course, by the way, until I suggested we run an "all women" rescue class. Suddenly six women wanted to take the Rescue course and it was a grand success - so you might suggest that to your LDS.
Good luck.
S

After many years of working on a similar dependency that I stupidly fostered, we are now good on equipment set up & tear down, bouyancy control, and buddy skills. I still get to do most of the packing & schlepping. And navigation skills - my wife is never lost. She always knows she is right next to me. The primary use of her compass is to keep folks from asking if she lost it. Plus, a comb and mirror just won't fit in that little hole.

But she sure can motivate my attention to navigation. When she give a boat sign, god forbid if you can't immediatly point in the correct direction.

 

[Gary D.]

For safety reasons I don't take my wife and my girlfriend on the same dive

Do not allow any Knives, Spearguns, pokers, sharp objects of any kind or hands around your neck during dives when they are both there. Also keep tract of all your body parts. One or more may end up tied to a mooring ball with a short chain at low tide.

Seriously. My wife is very cheap on air even though I get it free. She can do two dives to a hundred feet and max the tables on the same tank and still have air left over. Her exhaling looks like the dry bleed system on a Sherwood. To top it off, she is dealing with MS.

Get your wife to relax. Have her practice the skills somewhere she feels comfortable and make sure her equipment fits her properly. A little mis-allignment can cause problems for a lot of people. Once she realizes it's no big deal to clear or adjust the mask she will be more at ease with it. The same goes for the rest of the gear.

Gary D.