Having wife / girlfriend as dive buddy

[Goose75]

I think the best thing to do is to do some dives with another couple and swap buddies (I see some wise cracks coming on that one). My wife and I dive great together but what you mention is a common occurrence. Friendly advice may be taken as criticism. The fact is, we view advice/complaints/criticism our spouses say in a different (and usually defensive) manner. It may be best to have the same words and advice come from an independent source.

 

[mrobinson]

Posts like this make me mad...
1) Obviously the instruction she received didn't instill enough confidence in her. (Not anyone's fault, just wish SOMEONE would have encouraged a little more pool time.)
2) SOMEONE's held her hand.

Solution - get more training and QUIT HOLDING HER HAND.

Sorry - rant over.

 

[gt2003]

My wife and I are great dive buddies as long as I don't have my camera in hand. I don't pay her enough attention when I do according to her. Anyway, I agree with the "switch dive buddies" theory. We went to Cozumel last year and took her certified, semi-learning disabled/unconfident brother (seriously). She did fabulous with him. Now, she had to hold his inflator in her hand and watch his guages but I think it sharpened her skills too. My stamina tends to be more than hers after dives and I generally switch her BC to her new tank, attach her guages etc. but I feel confident she could do the same if she were with another diver. I don't feel she is at all incompetent without me but I really think if she were with another diver she would realize she had to do it by herself and excel in the process. Good luck, Greg

 

[Mordred]

Posts like this make me mad...
1) Obviously the instruction she received didn't instill enough confidence in her. (Not anyone's fault, just wish SOMEONE would have encouraged a little more pool time.)
2) SOMEONE's held her hand.

Solution - get more training and QUIT HOLDING HER HAND.

Sorry - rant over.

Since I did not mention ANYTHING about her training you cannot just assume that she had bad training. She had fantastic training. She had plenty pool time and her confidence improved 100% with our instructor. But like me she has just certified OW, so it will take quite a few dives to become comfortable with everything.

Our instructor was great, he is highly qualified and gave her 1 on 1 instruction - but how a person reacts underwater is not something which can be determined beforehand. Some people take longer to get used to certain skills than others. Before we are going to do an ocean dive we will do a lot more quarry dives to get better at the things we need to work on.

Sorry about my RANT but please don't insult our instructor or training by assuming you know what the training was like.

I agree that I'm to blame since I "held her hand" too long - something which I will change now by taking the advice given to me by others in this thread.

Thank you to everyone for your posts so far.

 

[Damselfish]

I wouldn't have made assumptions on training, but your post did sorta sound like this has been going on for awhile, that's she's been certified for awhile, I see how someone might think training is part of the problem. If that's not the case that's good - shouldn't be as hard to fix!

Definitely stop doing things for her. Nothing wrong as a buddy with making gentle suggestions if it looks like she's really going to miss something important or do something dangerous, that's what buddies do. But sounds like she just needs a chance to figure out and fix stuff on her own.

Another issue we have is if she has a problem, for example her mask is not confortable, she'll focus ALL her attention on the problem and forget about EVERYTHING else - sometimes this causes her to drift away from the buoy line, or she might be negative buoyant and sink while she is fiddling with her mask - making me rush down and frantically try to inflate her BC.

Stuff like this, this is small problems, not (yet) a crisis - especially as it doesn't sound like you're in rough conditions, strong current, etc. If she drifts away a little while fixing her mask, is it really a biggie? Probably she'll get herself sorted out, realize she's drifting, and think "oops gotta pay more attention to that next time" and maybe have to swim back a little. That's how she learns. "Rushing" or "frantically try to inflate her BC" aren't good responses in most situations. (If someone frantically inflated my BC in most situations I'd be pissed, not to mention this could be dangerous.) Remember "stop and think" - this is what _you_ really need to do.

 

[Mordred]

I wouldn't have made assumptions on training, but your post did sorta sound like this has been going on for awhile, that's she's been certified for awhile, I see how someone might think training is part of the problem. If that's not the case that's good - shouldn't be as hard to fix!

We just have certified - our instructor said that although we have the skill level needed to certify we should do quite a few dives in a quarry close to us to sort out any issues like the examples I mentioned - especially to make my wife sort her buoyancy out. The mask was brand new - so she never wore it before the incident.

She just took longer to get confortable underwater than I - that's fine, and I can see she is getting more and more confident in her skills.

Thanks again - I'm sure we'll sort everything out.

 

[alcina]

Like that little blue fish in Nemo says "Just keep diving, diving, diving" (I know, I know!)

 

[minnediver]

I dive with my wife all the time. I don't pamper her and do everything for her. That is absolutely ridiculous. If you are going to dive then you have to both be good divers and good dive buddies. I am an instructor and my wife is a DM, and the person I trust in the water the most is her. When I am teaching I often see this same scenario where the "man" has to help the little missus because she is obviously not capable?!?!

When I see that happen I take them aside and tell them that either he leaves her alone to gear up and do what she needs to or I will seperate them as buddies. It is a disservice not only to her but to yourself to hold her hand and do things for her. Just tell her that she needs to be able to do it on her own. Also do take the rescue course but perhaps don't take it together. I have honestly only taken 1 course with my wife and we weren't even dive buddies for it and it is probably the best thing a person can do. You each need to have your own experiences and learn how to cope seperately.

 

[MikeFerrara]

My wife is my primary dive buddy. She's well qualified...cave, trimix...ect but she still hates math. When it comes to things like gas matching ( we dive different size tanks)and a few other things she'd prefer that I did it...which is why I don't do it for her. Every one needs to pull their weight.

She drew the line when it came to getting her advanced mix cert and just decided that she wasn't doing any more math on tests which is fine. LOL as long as she realizes that when I get a chance to dive the nest or the guinilda that she has to stay behind and make lunch.

 

[Wijbrandus]

My wife is my primary dive buddy.

For her first trip, I held her hand and did it all for her. She's an independent sort though, and once she became comfortable with the whole thing, she told me to "sod off" and let her do it.

We've been fine ever since.