Having wife / girlfriend as dive buddy

[mrobinson]

Since you took a turn at my rant, I'll try to rebuttal yours:

Since I did not mention ANYTHING about her training you cannot just assume that she had bad training.... Sorry about my RANT but please don't insult our instructor or training by assuming you know what the training was like.

So when I say "(Not anyone's fault, just wish SOMEONE would have encouraged a little more pool time.)" that assumes the "bad" instructor? No way man - this is between the person who ceritified her, her buddy, and her own piece of mind. I don't want to imply the ownership on one person. This is a team effort.

But like me she has just certified OW, so it will take quite a few dives to become comfortable with everything.

BINGO!!!

Our instructor was great, he is highly qualified and gave her 1 on 1 instruction - but how a person reacts underwater is not something which can be determined beforehand. .

Really, did I miss the part of the instructor needed to be in the water with her? (Sorry just being nit-picky there.)

Some people take longer to get used to certain skills than others. Before we are going to do an ocean dive we will do a lot more quarry dives to get better at the things we need to work on.

BINGO again - that why I suggested more pool time.

I agree that I'm to blame since I "held her hand" too long - something which I will change now by taking the advice given to me by others in this thread. Thank you to everyone for your posts so far.

Might I assume I'm excluded now?
I'm sorry if I got you a little red unde the collar - I'm very happy you're so loyal to your instructor. I am too. I hope in the future my posts contribute rather than offend.

Like that little blue fish in Nemo says "Just keep diving, diving, diving" (I know, I know!)

I agree - that's the only way to get more comfortable.... for her and you.

 

[ScubaDadMiami]

When I was actively instructing, it was always a toss-up about whether to let a husband and wife or equivalent buddy-up during the class. I can't think of when I finally actually separated a couple off hand. I know I came close.

One the one hand, what's the point of separating them since they will ultimately dive together after the class is over? At least, during class, I can intervene and try to instill good buddymanship between them. Hopefully, an instructor can get the couple working better as a team and give them direction on how to continue to do so after the class is over. To me, this ended out being the deciding factor, which is why I opted to at least try hard to work with the couple rather than separating them.

On the other hand, it made me have to work ten times harder with that class because I was always having to stop the man from trying to do everything for the woman. I will never forget when I was trying to get everyone to do back rolls underwater to enjoy the freedom of weightlessness. This guy actually grabbed the wife's tank by the valve and flipped her over. I mean, he wouldn't let her do anything.

It's a hard decision to make everytime.

Now, this doesn't mean that a big guy should force a little (I am talking physically) lady carry the scooter and doubles. There is nothing wrong with extending courtesy to anyone that needs a hand, same sex or otherwise. That's just being polite. You don't learn much that will enhance your diving skills by carrying tanks from the car to the boat.

When it comes to all other facets of the dive, e.g, planning, gear checks, teamwork and the like, that is where everyone should be contributing equally and switching roles like leading the dive. Not only is this safer, it's actually more fun and enjoyable that way.

 

[PhuketMegumi]

Hi all.

My usual dive buddy is my wife. I'm try to be very thorough with my equipment checks, etc. and as a result she is not. Some things she just won't check because she is used to me double-checking and fixing any equipment issues she might have. I worry is that she has a false sense of security when I'm around which I don't want her to have - she must be responsible for her own safety as well.

How do you guys experience having your wife / gf as a dive buddy - similar issues or am I alone here?

Thanks in advance for any advice

Hello Mordred

How about some advice from the other side of the coin. ScubaDadMiami, Serennity and Alcina all had good advice but I personaly was the troublesome wife/partner/diver. I first started diving in Sydney, BC, Canada in 1989 when I was visiting with a working holiday visa from Japan. I decided to try diving lessons just because it was a very trendy thing to do at that time in Japan and it was much cheaper in Canada. I loved diving from the beginning but after my certification I was pretty uncomfortable on my own and I was dealing with a bit of a comunication problem also.

I ended up dating my Instructor after my Open Water Course and I wondered why he did not dive with me for a while. He would give me diving trips as a gift but he always had a last minute reason why he could not come and dive with me. This went on for a month of diving weekends and a day before the weekend 4 weeks later he invited me out for a dive together.

We had a great dive and after he confessed to me what he had done. I guess he saw the same problem with me that you have with your wife and he thought that I was so dependent on him that he considered me unsafe. He worked things out with his military Divemaster buddies and explained to them what the problem was and they volenterred to help out. Each week I had a different buddy and they would be breifed in advance by my husband on what to focus on with me. After the dive they would report to him and he would plan my next dive according to their debreifing.

I had to admit that I was first lost without my security charm Instructor/ boyfreind and a little bit disapointed that we could not be diving together. Now that I have been an Instructor myself for 14 years I think that this was a great way for him to deal with the problem and cutting the cord without hurting my feelings, making it a big issue and maybe harming our relationship.

Try giving a weekend divetrip or set up some local shore diving with your wife and the local diveshop or some of your profesional level dive buddies. Set things up in advance that the buddy you have chosen for her will gently advise her how to deal with some of the problems she may be having but do not try to do everything on one trip. Debreif your buddy after the dive and find out what will be needed for her next cord cutting trip. Keep up with this untill your buddies say she is on the right track or before she starts to question where you are when she is being babysitted by your freinds.

Best of luck with your lady and it realy is better diving together.

 

[alcina]

That's a great idea, PhuketMegumi! And how nice to have a sig other so thoughtful!!!

BTW - my husband was also my OW Inst (we didn't date/marry during the course but months later)...there are a lot of us out there

 

[Shiprekd]

By chance, Wife and I were actually paired up with husband & wife instructors for our OW. After OW, other than helping with any heavy work (loading tanks etc..) All I did was keep a silent eye to her.

If anything, she was more reliant on me before we started diving and it gave her some confidence in her own abilities. When I met her, She wouldn't get within 100ft of the ocean. Now, She doesn't bat an eye about getting in the tank with 2 dozen sharks, she actually looks forward to it.

Both of us went through the DM course even as db's and she's been my db pretty exclusively since. I trust her more than anyone else to be quite honest.

 

[SouthernSCUBA]

Another great thread.

Like all instructors I have seen the issue of one buddy being dependent on the other; a spouse, significant other or family member, parent-child.

Very early in the class I take the pair aside and explain that I train independent divers. They both need to master the skills because they will rely on each other, it is a mutual relationship. If one buddy is dependent on the other then the independent diver does not really have a buddy.

People buy in to that and I rarely have to mention it twice.

 

[Mordred]

Might I assume I'm excluded now?
I'm sorry if I got you a little red unde the collar - I'm very happy you're so loyal to your instructor. I am too. I hope in the future my posts contribute rather than offend.

Not at all - thanks for your input. I just wanted to clear up that she did in fact get a lot of pool time and that the instructor was very good.

 

[JulieannevZ]

Mordred, as I read this, I kept thinking to myself " I think this is how my husband feels about me".

My husband ( John) and I learned to dive together, and even during the open water course, we had to separate because he worried so much about me, he couldn't concentrate on himself. It seems this happens a lot.

For our first 20 dives, the only time we really had a good time, was when we were apart. There were a few times when it was okay. However, I always felt ( still do sometimes ) that he's bossing me round mothering me, like I'm some kind of baby.

I don't mean to offend you Mordred, just telling you my feelings because it may help you.

After John and I had done about 20 dives, I decided to go on a Live Aboard trip ( without John ) and do the Advanced Course at the same time. I had a great trip and dived the best dives I've ever dived. Of course, the actual dives sites helped too, because they were so spectacular.

Once I came back we started diving much better together. Well, except for one time which is another long story

We are slowly working things out. One of my diving friends said to me " it's a guy thing - they feel as though they have to look after us all the time".

Personally, I don't want to be looked after all the time. I love being independant.

It would be interesting to know how your wife feels Mordred?

By the way, John and I had talks with a Diving instructor ( each on our own ) about this, and felt better just talking to someone about it.

I trust that everything will be great for both of you, and you'll be the best buddies for each other!!

One diving couple told me they make up funny signs and when one gets annoyed with the other, they do the signs. It makes them laugh.

 

[STOGEY]

Hi all.

My usual dive buddy is my wife. I'm try to be very thorough with my equipment checks, etc. and as a result she is not. Some things she just won't check because she is used to me double-checking and fixing any equipment issues she might have. Another issue we have is if she has a problem, for example her mask is not confortable, she'll focus ALL her attention on the problem and forget about EVERYTHING else - sometimes this causes her to drift away from the buoy line, or she might be negative buoyant and sink while she is fiddling with her mask - making me rush down and frantically try to inflate her BC.

When I dive with her I struggle to keep my air consumption low - without her I don't have any issues at all. My instructor remarked that since I worry so much about her all the time it causes me to use more air.

How can I handle these issues diplomatically without insulting her or coming over too strong? My worry is that she has a false sense of security when I'm around which I don't want her to have - she must be responsible for her own safety as well. I worry about her diving without me because an unknown dive buddy won't go out of their way to accomodate her. She struggled to get comforable in the water, she is doing fine now so I don't want to put too much pressure on her.

How do you guys experience having your wife / gf as a dive buddy - similar issues or am I alone here?

Thanks in advance for any advice

Is she a blonde?

Actually, I'd be a little blunt and tell her that although dving is a fun hobby, unlike some other hobbbies such as jogging or kite flying, there are some serious aspects to this hobby. And no matter some dives will not always be persect(having a leaky maks) and that she maybe not let one aspect take up her entire dive.

 

[Tobagoman]

I got my wife certified to dive 10 years ago and over the years she has progressed to a PADI divemaster. I think that was the best thing to do, encourage her to continue her diver training/education. She is now as proficient a diver, if not more so, than I am. I trust her with my life and vis a versa. She has conducted several assists and rescues of ditressed divers and displays exemplary skills in all her diving activities.

So I would say time and training will help your situation.