Having wife / girlfriend as dive buddy

[happybuddha]

My girlfriend originally got certified just because I thought it was a good idea. This was after she did a Discover Scuba and was better in the water than me and I had already made 100 dives or so. I still remember the day she went from diving for me to diving for herself.

In the Philippines (where I lived at the time) there is a well known dive named The Canyons, its an advanced dive which can have loads of current and great fish life. About year after her certification we finally did The Canyons together. On the way drifting into the Canyons we saw a large green sea turtle and once in the Canyons there was loads of fish and great viz-a classic Canyons dive. We then did the long drifting blue water ascent and when we popped to the surface she said "now I see why you dive" and she's been diving for her self ever since. She recently finished her DM course and is working as a DM. She'll probably go on to instructor in the near future.

The DM course has been really good for her, she now has a more confidence, not just about diving but in life in general. Diving is now the central to our relationship, its really somethng we share with each other.

What am I trying to say, not really sure, just wanted to tell my story. I do agree with the people above that suggested more training and for the wife/GF to dive with other buddies occassioally.

Drew

 

[vetdiver]

Is she a blonde?

QUOTE]

Hi, Mordred. I am a blonde (couldn't resist answering THAT poo - what is that about??? And a fellow lobsta divah, no less!!! The shame you should feel...) ...and my regular buddy is my husband. I have been diving for nearly 14 years, the hubby has been doing it for 4. We met after each of us had different training/experience,

I will tell you - I have had to have more than one talk with him about NOT trying to control my dives/equipment, etc. The last time I caught him trying to set up my gear for me, I let him have it - reminding him that I have been doing this far longer, have more logged dives...yadda yadda, you can imagine where it went, it wasn't pretty...I was really furious...

Since that time, we dive together, but he no longer tries to control my gear or influence my choices. We are possibly going to do the deco/advanced nitrox specialties together next year - though we have to find a way to do it "not together", if you know what I mean - this may wind up with us doing the dives separately, in fact, to ensure that we keep in our heads that we are independent divers.

I dive because I love it - and I do the things I want to do and am comfortable with - some of those things we share, some we do not. However, we have a love of diving as a fundamental to our relationship, and it is truly wonderful for us - diving together has made us stronger and happier. In fact, we look around sometimes and really feel sad for the couples we know who seem to "go through the motions", never really having a hobby that they enjoy independently and together.

My bottom line here is the same as what others have said - speak to your gf/wife and get an honest answer about how she feels about diving and her level of comfort under the water. Make sure she is doing this because she enjoys it - and make ABSOLUTELY sure that she has some independent time in the water to decide for herself. There is nothing worse than being on a diveboat with that bickering couple, one of whom obviously hates diving - except maybe being the person who hates diving...

 

[del_mo]

Am I unusual here? My wife is the best dive buddy I've ever had (and vice-versa, I hope). Aside from the not uncommon male/female issue of air consumption, we have always been very compatible as divers, and we work around the air issue most of the time.

I can't imagine a better buddy then my wife, additional risks and all.

 

[tainosoldier]

Yeah what about the hangout afterwards, besides that, the wife and I wouldn't feel comfortable if we were both out in the water and the kids were with some sitter, Lord forbid, something happens to one of us.

 

[zboss]

and fill him in on the situation... if he's cool - maybe he'll "suggest" that your wife buddy up with him just because she's "such a special lady". Be sure to tip BIG.

Just throwing ideas out.

 

[Hooked4Life]

Mordred:

My GF and I dive together. She wasnt very interested in quarry diving so I started diving with someone else. Needless to say our skillset started to differ between the 2 of us. We just got back from Cozumel and we took the AOW course. Both of our skills increased by taking the course. I feel that having a good instructor and the AOW course really did make a difference.

 

[STROKE1]

before you say anything negative try to tell her about the good things she does then tell her politly that your tired of being the one in charge all the time, and that you'd like to know she could get you up if she had to. My wife and I have been diving as a team for over 10 years. while it was rough when we started, after all this time I wouldn't have anyone else. if I'm shooting video she maintains directions, watchs air etc so I can consentrate on my filming. On dives when I'm not, I handle the chores so she can relax.its called team works, the only time we don't dive together is when she insists on doing sidemount cave diving...I never said she was wrapped tight just a good buddy

 

[STOGEY]

To Vet diver,

You are 100% correct, about being honest with ones partner. That is why I do the diving and my girl friend does the sky diving. My girl friend is comfortable with diving out of perfectly good air planes, but I'm not.

I on the other hand am very comfortable in the water, but my sig other is kinda closterfobic. No problem, because we have no problem with giving the other their own space.

 

[awbologna]

My user ID says it all.

MAKE her be responsible. Don't do it for her. Have her set up all her own gear - simply busy yourself doing something else. Your buddy check will catch any errors - and make her lead the buddy check.

She isn't going to like the change in style - you've been doing it all for her so that is what diving is to her.

Don't babysit...if she gets tunnel vision, let her fix the problem, she'll never learn if she knows you will come to the rescue on any little thing.

Talk to her about keeping awareness up even when she is doing something else. She needs to accept that diving isn't a single task.

Like I said, she ain't gonna like it but she's got to accept the responsibilities that come with diving...or you have to cut the cord and find new buddies.

Get on a course - rescue is great. Stay away from her on the course and buddy with other people.

 

[KidK9]

My fiance is my dive buddy and is a no-brainer. We dont even have hand signals. I just look at her and I know what she's thinking. Not only that, but I'm constantly strugglin as to what's the better photo-op - my fiance or the corals. I usually pick the former....