I agree, and I think this is the point of contention running though this thread all the way from the OP's honest attempt to come to grips with ditching weight vs. his instructor's admonition.
Here's an example (and search SB for "Wing Lift Calculator" if you want to run through the pieces yourself). If his wing/bcd fails he can't swim up easily. How much weight can he ditch safely AT DEPTH? Everyone is saying not to do it, or to do it only if your life depends on it. Why?
A big guy wearing a steel Worthington 95 (among the more negative steels), and a 7mm wetsuit, diving to 80 ft. Yeah, I know...he should be diving dry, but there are a lot of NorCal divers who just can't plunk down $800-3000 for a drysuit. So just go along with me on this one.
Backplate (-4#) and wing. -2# for regs and fittings. -16# of lead on belt or integrated and/or fixed. -3# empty tank buoyancy. -7.5# carried air. Total negative -32.5# not including a slight negative for a big guy with low body fat.
His nice new soft 7mm gives him estimated 26.5# buoyancy at the surface for his body surface area. So he's about 6# negative at the surface at the start of his dive with full tanks. But at the end of the dive with 500 psi, he's 0.3# positive at the surface. In other words, perfectly weighted.
But at 80 ft when his wing fails, his wetsuit is compressed and only providing 8# lift. So he's between 24-27# negatively buoyant with full tanks.
If he drops more than 6# (his initial negative buoyancy), he will potentially have a runaway ascent as his suit expands on the way up, because he will surface with positive buoyancy. If he drops exactly 6#, he will arrive at the surface neutral. But he still has to swim up ~20# at the beginning, until suit expansion helps.
This all changes during the dive due to air weight consumption.
At the end of the dive, with min air for a no stop ascent, he would be about 18.5# negative at 80 feet. With a failed wing, he would surface (whatever way he managed to ascend) 0.3# positive due to wetsuit expansion. So ditching ANY weight might result in a runaway ascent.
So there's the spectrum, and the difficulty in knowing what to do when. Despite being perfectly weighted, with a catastrophic failure and no buddy, he'd be swimming up between 18.5 and 27 lb without ditching weight, if he could do it.
With wetsuit diving, it's not a matter of ditching weight to make yourself neutral on the bottom and then swimming up, because suit expansion will make for a runaway ascent.
But by the numbers, he could ditch between 6# and 0# depending upon where he was with tank contents, and surface neutral assuming he could get himself off the bottom while 18# negative. Any more weight ditched, and at some point positive buoyancy takes over and he's no longer in control.
Those are the numbers, but just...for this guy, this tank, this depth, this wetsuit, and when exactly during the dive?...It's a lot to process.
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The easy answer for safely ditching weight at depth (when wearing a wetsuit), is that you can always ditch the weight (above reserve) of the air you are carrying, without becoming positively buoyant, if you are properly weighted. For example, an AL80 holds ~6#. One pound is reserve (500 psi). Therefore, you can ditch 5# at depth at the beginning of the dive, and 2'5# at 1875. That's not much help, but there it is.