Good Buddies Gone Bad

[MXGratefulDiver]

As I emphasize to all of my entry-level students ... never be afraid to politely decline to dive with someone you're not comfortable being in the water with. If they want to know why, explain it to them in a way that emphasizes your concern. If they don't choose to hear or comprehend that, then you've done all you can do.

Your first responsibility is to your own safety ... and diving with someone who willfully dives in an unsafe manner jeopardizes that ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[snowdog]

I have thought about the term "entry-level" (whether) it is diver or student. . . I love it and will use it more.
Thank you

 

[captain]

I understand we all “dive differently”, these differences can be related to physical, experience, and knowledge factors.
What prompted me starting this thread was, my Wife and I had discussed our dismay with the other couple and our frustration with their diving, and yes we did take the “dive differently” into consideration.
Here are a few stories they laugh about, they don’t care to figure out what could have caused the issue:
1. On one dive (we weren’t with them), the group they were with started to submerge, the wife couldn’t submerge, and the husband assumed she was behind him. It wasn’t till about 25 minutes into the dive did he realize she wasn’t there. He was just swimming along with the group, and thought she was. He didn’t alert the DM she was missing.
2. During assent and safety stops she can’t control her buoyancy, (she’s not ascending to fast, it just a non-stop assent to the surface), someone (usually the Dive Master) has to hold her down. (and before you ask…she is actually over weighted (FYI 36lbs)), after watching this time and time again, I noticed she wasn’t exhaling to control her assent and control her buoyancy, in fact once she reaches 20 feet or so she doesn’t exhale at all, unless someone is holding her down. 9 times out of 10 during the safety stop her husband is 15 to 20 yards away. During the last set of dives the Dive Master was dealing with another diver and I had to be her “Safety Stop Anchor” while her husband just swam around. I suggested my observation (about her not exhaling) to her husband, and he told me not to say anything to her. During the next dive it happened again, and I shared my observation. Her response… “No one every told me”.
One of the great things about ScubaBoard is the forum threads, as I read them there are Positive and Constructive postings, to sometimes . . . something less than positive. This thread is no exception. In general, most people that post to the forums are generally interested in sharing knowledge, and giving back to the sport they love.
I have read or heard somewhere “Good Divers Continue to learn” and this site is a great source of information. I didn’t want to go into too much details about the other couple, but neither one of them are interested in Scubaboard, or what they could learn from it. As my Wife and I continued to get additional instruction from “AOW” to “Rescue” as well as general discussions with other divers, the other couples response to all of our additional training, was “Why were we doing it? We already have our OW cert”

How close are you to this couple outside of diving. If it is just a diving thing just start making excuses why you can't dive with them.
If it's more than a diving friendship then also realize that either you accept the bad diving as part of the friendship package or could loose it all together if you are honest why you won't dive with them. You can't protect people from themselves.
I will say again four people can't be buddies in the diving sense.

 

[Zieg]

I understand we all “dive differently”, these differences can be related to physical, experience, and knowledge factors.
What prompted me starting this thread was, my Wife and I had discussed our dismay with the other couple and our frustration with their diving, and yes we did take the “dive differently” into consideration.
Here are a few stories they laugh about, they don’t care to figure out what could have caused the issue:
1. On one dive (we weren’t with them), the group they were with started to submerge, the wife couldn’t submerge, and the husband assumed she was behind him. It wasn’t till about 25 minutes into the dive did he realize she wasn’t there. He was just swimming along with the group, and thought she was. He didn’t alert the DM she was missing.
2. During assent and safety stops she can’t control her buoyancy, (she’s not ascending to fast, it just a non-stop assent to the surface), someone (usually the Dive Master) has to hold her down. (and before you ask…she is actually over weighted (FYI 36lbs)), after watching this time and time again, I noticed she wasn’t exhaling to control her assent and control her buoyancy, in fact once she reaches 20 feet or so she doesn’t exhale at all, unless someone is holding her down. 9 times out of 10 during the safety stop her husband is 15 to 20 yards away. During the last set of dives the Dive Master was dealing with another diver and I had to be her “Safety Stop Anchor” while her husband just swam around. I suggested my observation (about her not exhaling) to her husband, and he told me not to say anything to her. During the next dive it happened again, and I shared my observation. Her response… “No one every told me”.
One of the great things about ScubaBoard is the forum threads, as I read them there are Positive and Constructive postings, to sometimes . . . something less than positive. This thread is no exception. In general, most people that post to the forums are generally interested in sharing knowledge, and giving back to the sport they love.
I have read or heard somewhere “Good Divers Continue to learn” and this site is a great source of information. I didn’t want to go into too much details about the other couple, but neither one of them are interested in Scubaboard, or what they could learn from it. As my Wife and I continued to get additional instruction from “AOW” to “Rescue” as well as general discussions with other divers, the other couples response to all of our additional training, was “Why were we doing it? We already have our OW cert”

Actually sounds like it's time to find new friends. The buddy I mentioned earlier? I got to where I couldn't stand him anymore on the surface. Underwater, Great; outta the water, forget it. I don't even talk to him anymore. And you know what? I don't miss him a bit.

 

[Max Speed]

If you don't want to be around unskilled, poorly trained people who might cause a fatal accident... How do you ever commute to work?

 

[TSandM]

I empathize with your concerns. It is very difficult to tell someone you don't want to dive with them any more. I had to do it to my husband.

(We have since resolved most of our issues, and now dive together, not entirely without friction.)

I agree that, if these people are folks you only came to know through diving, just stop diving with them. If they are friends in other milieus, I'd gently explain to them that you are really not comfortable with the way they choose to execute their dives, and that you'd rather not be in a group with them, or on a boat. If they are as oblivious as you paint them, they probably won't even mind, although they may be confused. It's only if they are feeling guilty and defensive about their diving that they are likely to explode at you.

 

[danvolker]

I empathize with your concerns. It is very difficult to tell someone you don't want to dive with them any more. I had to do it to my husband.

(We have since resolved most of our issues, and now dive together, not entirely without friction.)

Wow! The social dynamics and complications in this are mindboggling!!! Glad to hear you are still married

 

[TSandM]

Oh, Dan, you have no idea . . . We didn't dive together for about six months when I was a new diver!

 

[snowdog]

I have to thank everyone for their inputs. We are going to sit down with them and discuss some issues (Before they have too many drinks), and see where the conversation goes.

They only want to dive in Cozumel with the same dive master, because everywhere else they have tried to dive, in their own words "didn't go well"
After a number of other conversations, it was shared . . . the other divers and dive masters were not nice.
I can only guess the other divers and dive masters gave them feedback they didn't like.

 

[Simon-]

Remove all the waffle.

If you don't want to dive with them, don't dive with them. Simple