Good Buddies Gone Bad

[snowdog]

My Wife and I have been diving with another couple for some time. They got their OW certification during a Cruise, we went through a LDS and have continues learning and are now Master Divers and the other couple haven’t taken any additional training, or felt they needed to. They aren’t good dive buddies, they fail to follow dive plans, and are generally unsafe. When they have problems, they don’t want any feedback or even want to discuss what went wrong (Out of air, Decomp, blown safety stops, the list goes on and on).
My wife and I feel like we don’t want to be around when things really go bad, we have come to the conclusion we done want to dive with this other couple anymore!
How do deal with them? Just stop diving with them?

 

[danvolker]

My Wife and I have been diving with another couple for some time. They got their OW certification during a Cruise, we went through a LDS and have continues learning and are now Master Divers and the other couple haven’t taken any additional training, or felt they needed to. They aren’t good dive buddies, they fail to follow dive plans, and are generally unsafe. When they have problems, they don’t want any feedback or even want to discuss what went wrong (Out of air, Decomp, blown safety stops, the list goes on and on).
My wife and I feel like we don’t want to be around when things really go bad, we have come to the conclusion we done want to dive with this other couple anymore!
How do deal with them? Just stop diving with them?

Some people can learn alot just by diving a lot....but it sounds like this couple you are talking about, has not learned from the diving they have done..... You don't want to dive with unsafe buddies.... Eat dinner with them, have drinks, ride bikes, but have excuses ready for the next dive trip

 

[Ulfhedinn]

Share with them your issues in a light but seroius manner. Your well being is more importatant then thier freindship. If they are true friends... they will understand.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

If they're truly friends, you'll have a frank discussion with them ... and explain to them why you are no longer comfortable diving with them. If they can't take that sort of critique, then they aren't worth having as friends.

There are polite ways to let people know you are uncomfortable diving with them .. particularly if you let them know you are not judging them as people, but that you are simply uncomfortable with their diving habits. You do them a disservice if all you do is make excuses without telling them why you feel that way. They need to understand that there are consequences to their diving decisions ... this is one of the most fundamental rules of safe diving.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[g1138]

If you still want to hang out topside with the couple and keep a friendship going I'd be upfront and honest with them. Tell them you don't want to dive with them because you feel they're unsafe. Explain to them certain examples but most importantly try not to use accusing words. Don't put them on the defensive but just state what you saw, why you think it's unsafe, and what their opinion on the matter is (do they think it was safe in retrospect).

If you want to try to make a white lie you could just say their style of diving is too different from yours.

 

[MauiScubaSteve]

Show them this thread.

 

[danvolker]

If they're truly friends, you'll have a frank discussion with them ... and explain to them why you are no longer comfortable diving with them. If they can't take that sort of critique, then they aren't worth having as friends.

There are polite ways to let people know you are uncomfortable diving with them .. particularly if you let them know you are not judging them as people, but that you are simply uncomfortable with their diving habits. You do them a disservice if all you do is make excuses without telling them why you feel that way. They need to understand that there are consequences to their diving decisions ... this is one of the most fundamental rules of safe diving.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

I think there are people that would be interested to hear what they are doing that is deemed "unsafe", but these don't sound like the kind of people this couple was described as.....Going by the description given, this type of person would decide you were being preachy, and probably be very offended....
I think you can tell pretty easily if a person is the type that will want the critique, or will be offended by one. A lot of the dangerous diving types, will be the ones that will get offended.

I don't think I need to be a "Diving Evangelist" with every friend/acquaintance I know on a given dive boat....and I do know divers that are charicters, and fun to hang around with topside--who would be terrible to buddy with....I am not going to tell them they stink as a buddy, or try to sugar-coat this.
Those that care, probably would be looking for instruction or mentors anyway, and NOT be guilty of all the bad acts as described by the OP. But they would be the ones Bob's advice would work best with.

With all of the DIR ideas I began putting out in the 1997 to 2003 years, and now in the last 3, I do know that many people get offended easily. I only offer where it is asked for now.

 

[snowdog]

Thank you for the quick and insightful points.
I think I will email them the thread in a few days and see how they respond.

 

[snowdog]

I think one of the best complements we divers can give another diver is… “I would dive with you anytime!”

 

[g1138]

It think it would be better to have them start their own thread rather than having them view this thread. They have yet to give their viewpoint on the situation and might not take kindly to being the topic of discussion without their approval.

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