Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Sas]

Spelling isn't his strong suit....come to think of it....I don't know IF he has one....

Haha well now the cats out of the bag. I was trying to give him an out with the whole 'irony' thing

 

[marcopalla]

at the dive shop:

new customer: "Here's my computer, it stops working, probably it flooded :depressed:"

tech shop assistent: "Have you really put it under the water? :bandit:"

new c.: "Yes I have :nailbiter:"

 

[marcopalla]

after a controversy with DM about where to go,
someone still in the water after diving, shouting:
"Hey! have they done nuclear bomb experiments here?"

DM on the boath:
"no, why?"

"there are no fuking living beings over there!"

 

[crispix]

Don't know if this has been posted already in this thread (I didn't read every page), but I have a standard joke I use when a non-diver asks me if I am afraid of sharks while diving:

"Sharks are no problem. There is a very simple technique for handling a shark attack. Take out your dive knife, and hold it like this [and I make a fist and a jabbing motion]. Then, with one strong, full motion of your arm, stab your buddy!"

 

[ScubaSteve2000]

Talking to a "I'm a diver too" wannabe at a party a couple of weeks ago....
She said, "Yeah but my diving license expired so I'd have to go through the training all over again."
Sez me, "I don't think I've ever seen an expiration date on a c-card"
She gave me a disparaging look as she explained that you have to keep the card current so you can buy oxygen. I guess a "real" diver would have known that.

 

[miketsp]

Don’t know if this is funny or kind of sad.

At the local fill shop where they specialize in filling cylinders. I ask the fill guy to add his banked air of 40% to 2,500 psi then top off with air to complete the fill. (They charge extra if you ask them to do the calculations to get your end mix when starting with a different existing start mix)

After he is done I am checking the 02 % with the gas monitor and I say “Gee, I thought the mix would be a little higher than what I am reading”

His response “Well, I just finished topping it off with air so there is a slug of air at the top of the tank. You might have to wait or roll it around on the floor to mix the gas”

I said “You are not serious right!” He said “That is my experience”.
I did not want to get into it with him!

It's neither funny nor sad. This is a subject that was well discussed on various threads a few years ago. At 200bar the air gets quite viscous and I and some others ran the diffusion velocities calculations and the results are surprisingly slow. So depending on how much mixing was produced by the agitation of the gas entering while the pressure is lower (and viscosity was lower) it may take up to a couple of hours to get a perfectly homogeneous mix.
No-one is saying that that the gases will stay separated. Dalton's law of partial pressures and Graham's law of diffusion still apply. They just take a surprising amount of time to mix perfectly by themselves.
As he said, it's his experience. And of many others and mine too. Probably more than 50% of my dives are Nitrox and many times I've seen quite some difference (several % using the same instrument) between the cylinder just off the compressor and a recheck on the boat after transport with vibration.
Rolling cylinders around on the floor is standard practice at a lot of places I've dived if you're going to use the cylinder immediately after filling.
Of course most divers never notice this phenomenon because their cylinder was filled from a banked mix and they started with a near empty cylinder or a similar fill.

 

[Jax]

It's neither funny nor sad. . .

. . . Is it off-topic if someone gets serious in a 'funny' thread?

 

[jupitermermaid]

After listening to a man brag about his extensive diving experiences, I watched him as he fumbled around putting his gear together. I chuckled as he moved things about, paused, and rearranged everything. He caught me looking at him, and explained that he had to put his BC on the tank backwards because otherwise the reg wouldn't go on correctly (he put it on upside down).

 

[H2Ohm]

"I wear gloves so I don't cut my fingers when breaking off the black coral..."

 

[Reg Braithwaite]

He was easy to find during the dive - look for the guy in shorts and a golf shirt. No kidding. Whatever!

Is this him?

here's a better shot of his shirt: