Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Jax]

DM on the boat in Hawaii, giving the standard safety brief.
"If someone goes overboard, the ring is there behind you to throw to them. Also, if the current is strong, you can use it to tow your dive buddy in if you like him. If you don't, throw him another weight belt for the entertainment of all aboard."

 

[pygmyghostpipeturtle]

My OWI on wetsuits and diving: There are two types of diver: Those who pee in their wetsuits and those who lie about it.

3 kinds. There are those that have fly zippers installed so they don't have to pee in their suits..

 

[charlie123]

if you close your eyes the sharks will disapear.

 

[Laurie S.]

After diving at Costa Maya last month, I was on the pier walking back to the Maasdam and passed two woman passengers returning to the ship, also. They looked at my backpack and big mesh duffle bag and asked if I was joining the ship now. I guessed they missed the wet hair, scuba dive shop shirt, sweat pants, and flip flops (all rather wet). It had been lightly raining earlier, but I was a lot more wet and disheveled than that. I said, no, I had been scuba diving. One woman looked at the light rain falling and said, "Oh, I guess it would be okay with a wetsuit."

I really didn't know what to reply.

 

[StreetDoctor]

The following conversation was had between me and a site sponsor and dive shop manager.

Me: I need a fill of 50% Nitrox
Him: Ok we can do 50/50 no problem
Me: Ok, I need 50% Nitrox though not 50/50 (not sure if he meant 50% EAN or 50/50 He/O2)
Him: .... Oh, that's how we fill to get 50% Nitrox, we fill 50% with pure O2 and 50% air

To his credit he is not a gas blender. I just chuckled a bit although it would have been a good opportunity to bust balls. I wonder if he'll read this.

 

[Nursediver]

A guy in our group began his dive. He struggled to get air from his regulator. It just wasn't coming out. He got 10 feet down before resurfacing to try to figure out what was wrong. He still had his snorkel in his mouth. Ooops! He also forgot his wet suit and didn't want to spend the money to rent one. He was easy to find during the dive - look for the guy in shorts and a golf shirt. No kidding. Whatever!

 

[StreetDoctor]

This is proof positive that an arrogant spirit (vs a teachable, humble, "keep your mouth shut and learn" spirit) will perpetuate, magnify and permanently cement someone's stupidity.

You wonder how people can be that stupid, and everyone of them that I have met actually think they are right (thus perpetuating their condition).




Kindof reminds me of the hilarious transcript from the microsoft IT customer service guy that got the call from someone who couldn't get their computor to work and walked her through many startup procedures, until the customer tells him that the power went out before she called, to which the IT guy replied,
"OK, here is what you do next. Pack up the computor in the original box, take it back to where you bought it and tell them that YOU ARE TOO STUPID to own a computor"

How about telling someone to sell there computER cause they're to stupid to spell correctly?

 

[MaxBottomtime]

How about telling someone to sell there computER cause they're to stupid to spell correctly?

 

[Sas]

How about telling someone to sell there computER cause they're to stupid to spell correctly?

I hope your misspellings were meant to be ironic otherwise your post was a major fail

 

[ScubaInChicago]

I hope your misspellings were meant to be ironic otherwise your post was a major fail

Spelling isn't his strong suit....come to think of it....I don't know IF he has one....