Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[nomro]

During a Basic OW pool session one of our instructors went through the usual briefing of a reg recover. Basically the students would form an underwater huddle and wait their turn as the instructor came up to each of them one at a time so they could perform the skill.
At the end he [instructor] asked if anyone had any questions.

One girl (hair color being withheld) responded:
"Should we be breathing while we wait?"

I'll be happy to report that she passed the class with flying colors. Even the academic portion.

Let me take a wild guess , a blondy

 

[Storysunfolding]

Ran across this thread and it's been some great lunchtime reading. Decided to join the forum to pass on this story

Went Diving off the west side of Kauai back in 2004 while participating in a Plastic Surgeon's conference. Had a blast with the dive crew on the first two days and decided to go back for a third day on Saturday. Due to the number of people signed up, they split us into a few different groups. I was paired with a quirky South African DM named Hans. At the end of the dive, we came up to find the greener group had just come out of the water.

New Guy: Did you see anything under there?
Hans: Yay, we saw 17 foot of shark!

Whole group starts to turn white

Hans: A 5 footer, two 4 footers and a baby 3 footer

I laughed so hard I couldn't get out of the water for a good five minutes.

 

[Deefstes]

Hans: Yay, we saw 17 foot of shark!

Whole group starts to turn white

Hans: A 5 footer, two 4 footers and a baby 3 footer

Yes, I guess us South Africans aren't great when it comes to mental arithmetic

 

[Sue J]

Parent of son's classmate: "Your son's into scuba diving? That'll be great for his college applications!"

Son was in second grade at the time.

 

[regtechkidd]

I took a reservation over the phone from a guy who proudly told me he is an instructor!....RED FLAG....Making small talk while taking his diving reservation he explained to me that he had just found something that shirley (stop calling me shirley) ive never seen before, inside a tank he was about to oxygen clean. Apparently one of his customers had taken the cylinder shore diving and let some sand get into the DIN valve. When the tank valve was turned on, it sucked the 4oz of sand right into the pressurized cylinder!......I though huh....I wonder who sells these magic tanks and valves that defy physics??

 

[cwhite6]

If the tank is completely empty with the valve opened, sand could get in it if it was laid over on it's side.

 

[squid509]

Me: oh you got a goPRO cam I was looking to get one but I don’t like its mounting options
Scuba chix#1: its got plenty of mounting options
DM: so where are you going to put it?
Scuba chix#1 in a innocent school girl voice: any where you want
Scuba chix#2: she is going to fit right in

 

[LittleZarbo]

Thanks! I pondered responding to the "supplemental O2 required at 10000 ft" comment but thought better of it.

Just bear in mind 2 simple scenarios:
1) O2 isn't required on treks to Everest base camp (20000 ft). Many tourists do this annually!
2) 10000 ft is the height airline pilots descend (rapidly) to in the event that the passenger masks have deployed

The reason you don't need supplemental O2 on an Everest trek is because of the fact that it takes several weeks (I believe) to trek that 20,000 ft. By the time you get to the summit your body has acclimated to the change in O2. Also, when you skydive, you need supplemental O2 at 15,000 ft and above, not 10,000 ft, so you don't become hypoxic. Keep in mind though that I've never climbed Mt. Everest so I am not sure about that one, but I do work at a skydiving dropzone.

 

[LouieLouie]

The reason you don't need supplemental O2 on an Everest trek is because of the fact that it takes several weeks (I believe) to trek that 20,000 ft.

Nah, you can drive from Lhasa to the Rongbuk BC in a day or two. Been there, done that. Supplemental O2 is usually used only from Camp 3 (24,000 ft) onwards.

Using supplemental O2 is absolutely pointless at 10,000 ft. and conservative even at 15,000 ft. given the short exposure of a skydive and the lack of physical activity during the ascent. No mountain climber would ever consider carrying O2 at such altitudes, even with little or no acclimatization.

 

[netdiver]

Nah, you can drive from Lhasa to the Rongbuk BC in a day or two. Been there, done that. Supplemental O2 is usually used only from Camp 3 (24,000 ft) onwards.

Using supplemental O2 is absolutely pointless at 10,000 ft. and conservative even at 15,000 ft. given the short exposure of a skydive and the lack of physical activity during the ascent. No mountain climber would ever consider carrying O2 at such altitudes, even with little or no acclimatization.

Y'all realize this is a joke thread, right?