Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Linedog]

Calm down, I did not read any sex into that spit comment at all. P.C. at its finest.

 

[markmantei]

And has it occurred to you that at least some of these girls might actually be decent ladies worthy of respect or do you just assume that all women are cheap tarts who like to be drawn into jokes about oral sex?

Relax a little. Its a joke thread. I didn't hear anyone complaining how the post about" having trouble getting it up" would offend those men with ED.

 

[Deefstes]

Of course it's a joke thread where people post jokes. In fact, according to the title, it is where people post funny dive quotes they have heard. Now we have people posting quotes they've made... which are not even funny.

But I've said enough already so I'll bow out. I just wanted to point out that not all people find jokes laden with sexual inuendo funny. In fact, my wife has said it to me in so many words that she feels insulted when strange men direct these filthy jokes at her. I can't help therefore to baulk when someone takes such pride in his lack of class and expects the world to think that he is very funny. Sorry bud, not everybody do. There are the drags among us who don't find it funny and just think it's disrespectful, boorish and unbecoming of a gentleman - but I'm guessing you're not overly concerned with that.

But don't worry about me, I am quite relaxed.

 

[markmantei]

But don't worry about me, I am quite relaxed.

Wow, doesn't sound like it. Some may find a post funny and others may not. I personally think the post may have been in poor taste, and certainly was a little tired and old, but there were many posts in this thread that were far from funny, and many others that were quite humourous, who cares, it is not for me (or you) to decide what is funny for the entire board. The point is that I believe whatever was said was not intended to be insulting, at least right up until your comments. Maybe a thicker skin is required. You don't like it fine, move on, or unsubcribe from the post, or whatever else you would like to do, but the board doesn't need to be purged of all things that "someone" may find even the slightest bit offensive. It's the internet, trust me there's much worse out there.

 

[Bigd2722]

Dive boat briefing:

The pointy end is the bow. When you finish the dive come back to the other end. (It was a group of very experienced divers all of whom had been on the boat before)

 

[Aqua-Andy]

The best two have been on this board but I forget who said them.

When someone asks how deep do you go, tell them "all the way to the bottom".

The other one was during a thread about should an octo be as good quality/breathing as your primary. Well people were saying that your octo needs to be as good or better than your primary as you would want them to have a reg as good as the one you are breathing. The quote went something like this "if I really needed air the quality of reg would not make a deference, I'd suck the fart out of a donkeys ass to get air if it meant living or dying".

 

[aquaregia]

"Frankly, I'd suck a fart out of a donkey's ass if that's what it took to make it to the surface alive ..." seems to be first attributed to GI3.

 

[g1138]

A: If you ever run into any trouble, just relax and take a moment. You'll always have the rest of your life to figure it out.

B: But what if you run out of air?

A: I never said anything about a long and prosperous life.....

 

[ajduplessis]

The dive went great, but then they entered the water.

 

[Whatevva]

"Frankly, I'd suck a fart out of a donkey's ass if that's what it took to make it to the surface alive ..." seems to be first attributed to GI3.

Be CAREFUL!! This might be offensive to the donkeys!!!