fight with girlfriend over dive safety.....

[ScubaSixString]

Hey scubasixstring,
I didn't indicate padi with the intent of making the usual digs at them. I hadn't thought of it coming out like that when I typed it.
I actually would be quite agreeable with my gf telling me I shouldn't even be thinking about tech diving at this point, as I feel the same way. If she whipped out a tech 1 exam on me off the top of her head though I think that'd actually be kinda hot; call me screwy
But most importantly, when you said not to question her planning unless I'm diving that plan, I'm guessing you mean because in that situation its a question of my own life? If that's the case then If I really care about her life shouldn't I be concerned enough with her diving as if I was actually following the same dive?

Thanks guys,
Austin

Yeah.. i guess her whipping off a tech exam with no prep would be kinda hot....

I was padi OW cert. years ago. My last cert, Nitrox, was an ssi one. Love padi or hate them, makes no real difference to me. Tell me i have to buy this brand, wear it this way, or i can't dive, then we might have words

I guess where i can see your gf's POV is that she dove the dive, she was there for the planning, etc. You weren't. Its wrong NOT to be concerned about her, imho. But perhaps you should approach the matter of putting yourself at ease from a place of trust. Is 100 ft deep? Maybe. Can you die there? Yes....(but you can in 10 feet of water too).

If this was the first time you asked her about her planning, she might have overreacted....to say you always pressure her when this was the only time you asked seems a bit off.

If not, perhaps you could approach it this way, preplan with her (over the phone if you have to) NOT because you don't trust her, but because you don't get to dive much and need to go over things like tables and predive planning. You'll get practice, she'll have an extra set of eyes (ears) on her stuff....her diving stuff and all can be happy.

I know of what i speak. I had a 8 year hiatus after cert. (damn padi lost my card/i got busy/married to a nondiver/divorced from one) I tried to use tables before my refresher....it was like reading greek....when you can't. Met a guy last week in my nitrox course who'd been out of diving for 2 years.....he had trouble figuring out table basics.

If you feel you are justified in your sentiment, try a different approach....or...move to puerto rico.....(if you do, get me a job down there, will ya?)

 

[cummings66]

But most importantly, when you said not to question her planning unless I'm diving that plan, I'm guessing you mean because in that situation its a question of my own life? If that's the case then If I really care about her life shouldn't I be concerned enough with her diving as if I was actually following the same dive?

The deal is that you must trust her to make the correct decisions. If you can't trust her to do it then your relationship is doomed from the start. It sounds as if you're trying to control her long distance and that's not going to set well with her.

Relax and just ask her how the dive was, don't pass judgement on her nor ask her how she's doing in the skills unless she invites the question. Consider this, she's probably got more recent dive experience than you do right now considering she's done at least 4 dives, pool work and book work in the recent past. You on the other hand have more dives but spread out over many years and thus more of a chance to forget stuff.

You can strangle the relationship if you're not careful, nobody likes to feel like they're inferior and that's kind of what you're doing to her. As it stands you make 2 errors with her, you got the depth wrong that the cert is done, and you acted as if you needed a computer to do it. To her that could have been one of the things that set her off.

Remember this, the wife or girlfriend is always right, remember that and you'll do well.

 

[Floridawannabe]

Just learn this saying when you guys start fighting, YES, HONEY YOUR RIGHT I AM WRONG


Welcome to the ScubaBoard also tell her about this site she might find a lot of useful information.

 

[H2Andy]

Hey guys,
I just had a fight with my girlfriend because she says I pressure her too much about the dive planning and safety procedures she goes through.

so listen to her. she's telling you you pressure her too much. back off.

:14:

or, if you think you're right, dive with someone else

 

[neonstingray]

I appreciate the advice guys, but when you talk about 'controlling a relationship at a distance' doesn't that usually pertain to things like 'i don't want you hanging out with your guyfriends when i'm not around', or 'i don't want you going to a nightclub with those people', instead of things like 'remember to check your profile against your tables before you go down'? lol

I'm just saying we don't really have a controlling at a distance problem, but I will back off the planning stuff as you guys said.

-Austin

 

[gfisher4792]

I appreciate the advice guys, but when you talk about 'controlling a relationship at a distance' doesn't that usually pertain to things like 'i don't want you hanging out with your guyfriends when i'm not around', or 'i don't want you going to a nightclub with those people', instead of things like 'remember to check your profile against your tables before you go down'? lol

I'm just saying we don't really have a controlling at a distance problem, but I will back off the planning stuff as you guys said.

-Austin

Well, those are the typical examples doled out about controlling a relationship, but what she's probably hearing is, "i don't want you to plan a dive that I wouldn't approve of." That's control.

Like posted earlier, you're lucky your gf shares an interest in diving with you, but if yo're not careful, she may never want to dive with you or she may give up diving to stop having arguments with you about it.

 

[ScubaSixString]

Well, those are the typical examples doled out about controlling a relationship, but what she's probably hearing is, "i don't want you to plan a dive that I wouldn't approve of." That's control.

Like posted earlier, you're lucky your gf shares an interest in diving with you, but if yo're not careful, she may never want to dive with you or she may give up diving to stop having arguments with you about it.

she may give up diving to stop having arguments with you about it

Unlikely, but she may stop talking to him about it at all

 

[gfisher4792]

she may give up diving to stop having arguments with you about it

Unlikely, but she may stop talking to him about it at all

I wrote that part because one of my mountain biking buddies also had a gf who mt. biked. He kept nagging her about getting the "latest and greatest" to the point where she gave up biking all together and took up swimming. They were a bit dysfunctional and she was spiteful, but it happened. Just sayin'.

 

[Bill51]

I appreciate the advice guys, but when you talk about 'controlling a relationship at a distance' doesn't that usually pertain to things like 'i don't want you hanging out with your guyfriends when i'm not around', or 'i don't want you going to a nightclub with those people', instead of things like 'remember to check your profile against your tables before you go down'? lol

I'm just saying we don't really have a controlling at a distance problem, but I will back off the planning stuff as you guys said.

-Austin

You may not think your comments sound like you’re controlling, but in a distance relationship they may well come across as a lot of lifter and tappet clatter.

 

[pasley]

Married 33 years this week, and I would never go there. She is right, just get use to it.

The issue may be more in how the questions are asked. Don't ask them directly. Ask "100 Feet, wow, thats neat. How did you feel about doing a dive to that depth? Were you comfortable with the pre-dive planning? "You are certainly progressing quickly, the instructor must have had a lot of confidnece in your ability to plan and execute a dive to take you that deep".... Your get the idea, but be careful, keep in mind this is a loaded with explosives atmosphere where she may feel you lack confidence in her abilities. She probably does not see you as being all that ahead of her.