ZzzKing
Contributor
A Diving Primer for DIMWIT’s
There has been a recent surge in the popularity of DIMWIT diving and with it, demonstration of lack of understanding of what it truly means to be a DIMWIT. My intent here is to provide a brief overview of DIMWIT diving, hit a few of the more important guidelines and provide guidance to those of you that would like to pursue excellence in the DIMWIT field.
Overview
There is a bit of controversy on the actual meaning of DIMWIT. DIMWIT is an acronym that stands for “Doing It My Way In Texas”. Others have other meanings but it is dependent upon them to write their own damn manual. This manual is about “Doing It My Way”. And by “My Way” I don’t mean my way. The beauty of the true DIMWIT system is that each individual thinks through their own particular circumstances and dive plans and creates their own well thought out system for dealing with the challenges thereof. It’s a wholistic system that must be achieved through honest self evaluation and problem solving techniques.
Guidelines
1. Never dive with someone that can’t think for him/herself.
2. The corollary to #1 is if another diver is thinking for him/herself but it’s not something you might think for yourself in similar circumstances, you may politely withdraw from participation but remain close and be prepared to render aid in the event that the idea turns out to have a less desirable outcome than originally envisioned.
3. Never be the other diver mentioned in #2.
4. Refrain from using gardening implements as life support equipment.
5. Always carry a knife that is at least big enough to kill a poisonous water snake if necessary. (If you feel that sawing a water moccasin in half is best done with a one inch long broken steak knife, then you are a better man than I, Gunga Din)
6. Duct tape is the preferred method for repairing all buoyancy compensators, drysuits, wetsuits, lift bags, LP hoses and broken mask straps.
7. Zip ties are the preferred method for repairing anything that is not covered under #6 including brake caliper repair.
8. Any gear that cannot be repaired with duct tape or zip ties probably doesn’t belong on a DIMWIT.
9. Always ask for permission from the property owner prior to diving in a stock tank. If this is not possible because you and the owner have had numerous past confrontations, then you should park at least 1/2 mile away and quietly hike in under the cover of darkness. Dive lights are discouraged for obvious reasons. Observe #5.
10. When diving in stock tanks, be sure the resident bull is securely penned elsewhere on the property.
11. When spearfishing in stock tanks it is considered good form to clean and provide part of the catch to the owner of the tank.
12. When spearfishing in stock tanks it is considered bad form to spear your buddy because he looked like a state record yellow cat in all the murk. It is even worse form to then clean and provide part of your "catch" to the owner of the tank.
13. It is not condidered polite to wear neoprene exposure protection when diving stock tanks. Drysuits could be considered downright rude and could result in being invited to leave the property at the barrel of a 12 gauge.
14. The proper attire for diving stock tanks from May-October is cut-off jeans. November-April is your old Sunday go-to-meeting pants that now have a hole in the seat. International Orange is highly suggested for all back country wear during hunting season whether diving or not.
15. When diving the Devil’s River, don’t stand or kneel on the bottom while performing skills or you may be shot at by the adjacent landowner for trespassing.
16. Given the choice between clear, warm blue water with unlimited visibility and green murky water of dubious quality, don’t be a dimwit. Dive the clear blue water.
Certification
Please note that it is theoretically possible to achieve DIMWIT certification in Tibet, Thailand, Teipei, Trafalgar Square, Teotihuacan, Tokyo or the Trevi Fountain but you may get some funny looks. In Texas any onlooker will assume you are just scrubbing the bottom of your bass boat.
The preferred method of DIMWIT certification would include a trip to Texas. The benefit of this method is that it would allow you to double up and get your Swamp Diver cert at the same time. Two for the price of one. And you’d have to be a dimwit to not take advantage of that!
Please note that is is only a draft that I am posting for constructive criticism and suggestions.
There has been a recent surge in the popularity of DIMWIT diving and with it, demonstration of lack of understanding of what it truly means to be a DIMWIT. My intent here is to provide a brief overview of DIMWIT diving, hit a few of the more important guidelines and provide guidance to those of you that would like to pursue excellence in the DIMWIT field.
Overview
There is a bit of controversy on the actual meaning of DIMWIT. DIMWIT is an acronym that stands for “Doing It My Way In Texas”. Others have other meanings but it is dependent upon them to write their own damn manual. This manual is about “Doing It My Way”. And by “My Way” I don’t mean my way. The beauty of the true DIMWIT system is that each individual thinks through their own particular circumstances and dive plans and creates their own well thought out system for dealing with the challenges thereof. It’s a wholistic system that must be achieved through honest self evaluation and problem solving techniques.
Guidelines
1. Never dive with someone that can’t think for him/herself.
2. The corollary to #1 is if another diver is thinking for him/herself but it’s not something you might think for yourself in similar circumstances, you may politely withdraw from participation but remain close and be prepared to render aid in the event that the idea turns out to have a less desirable outcome than originally envisioned.
3. Never be the other diver mentioned in #2.
4. Refrain from using gardening implements as life support equipment.
5. Always carry a knife that is at least big enough to kill a poisonous water snake if necessary. (If you feel that sawing a water moccasin in half is best done with a one inch long broken steak knife, then you are a better man than I, Gunga Din)
6. Duct tape is the preferred method for repairing all buoyancy compensators, drysuits, wetsuits, lift bags, LP hoses and broken mask straps.
7. Zip ties are the preferred method for repairing anything that is not covered under #6 including brake caliper repair.
8. Any gear that cannot be repaired with duct tape or zip ties probably doesn’t belong on a DIMWIT.
9. Always ask for permission from the property owner prior to diving in a stock tank. If this is not possible because you and the owner have had numerous past confrontations, then you should park at least 1/2 mile away and quietly hike in under the cover of darkness. Dive lights are discouraged for obvious reasons. Observe #5.
10. When diving in stock tanks, be sure the resident bull is securely penned elsewhere on the property.
11. When spearfishing in stock tanks it is considered good form to clean and provide part of the catch to the owner of the tank.
12. When spearfishing in stock tanks it is considered bad form to spear your buddy because he looked like a state record yellow cat in all the murk. It is even worse form to then clean and provide part of your "catch" to the owner of the tank.
13. It is not condidered polite to wear neoprene exposure protection when diving stock tanks. Drysuits could be considered downright rude and could result in being invited to leave the property at the barrel of a 12 gauge.
14. The proper attire for diving stock tanks from May-October is cut-off jeans. November-April is your old Sunday go-to-meeting pants that now have a hole in the seat. International Orange is highly suggested for all back country wear during hunting season whether diving or not.
15. When diving the Devil’s River, don’t stand or kneel on the bottom while performing skills or you may be shot at by the adjacent landowner for trespassing.
16. Given the choice between clear, warm blue water with unlimited visibility and green murky water of dubious quality, don’t be a dimwit. Dive the clear blue water.
Certification
Please note that it is theoretically possible to achieve DIMWIT certification in Tibet, Thailand, Teipei, Trafalgar Square, Teotihuacan, Tokyo or the Trevi Fountain but you may get some funny looks. In Texas any onlooker will assume you are just scrubbing the bottom of your bass boat.
The preferred method of DIMWIT certification would include a trip to Texas. The benefit of this method is that it would allow you to double up and get your Swamp Diver cert at the same time. Two for the price of one. And you’d have to be a dimwit to not take advantage of that!
Please note that is is only a draft that I am posting for constructive criticism and suggestions.
