Dive buddy's as a woman

[Rosie90]

I certified with my husband and we did everything together, however over the past 12 months things have changed.

when things go wrong with my kit he insists its me, even when I've proved its not and guides with us have verified it.

then when we're on holiday he will make friends with other males who's wives won't dive and basically goes off with them. If we dive as a trio, he will leave me, exclude me or we don't get to do the things I want to do, yet I do what they want to do.

then I find out he has been sneeking off at weekends to dive with the boys again excluding me (their wives won't dive). I asked him about it and he said that I wouldn't have wanted to go and I'm holding him back.

our other people who we dive with are couples like we were, but then I feel like I can't go just with them as it ruins the dynamics.

so now I'm feeling like I don't want to dive anymore, but I've worked hard to get my advanced. I loved to dive and take photos. So a question for you

as ladys how do you find a like minded buddy?

 

[Ana]

Seems to me you are totally cramping his diving style, if I was in your fins I would stop holding him back immediately. Begin by taking care of your own gear and set up your own dives, learn to identify the type of buddy that matches your style while developing self- sufficiency.

Start defining and getting used to different dynamics.

During surface intervals you may want to start getting quotes for family law solicitors, just to be informed.

 

[chillyinCanada]

Find another buddy. Don't let him hold YOU back.

Make sure his life insurance is in order. Good chance he's getting ahead of himself anyway.

Oh and when he goes off to dive with the guys, make sure his gear is still damp when he gets home.

 

[tkdgodess]

Join a group of divers who will be happy to dive with you. Most of my regular buddies are men i couldnt imagine having to dive with my husband. Its meeeeee time.

 

[rivers]

I certified with my husband and we did everything together, however over the past 12 months things have changed.

when things go wrong with my kit he insists its me, even when I've proved its not and guides with us have verified it.

then when we're on holiday he will make friends with other males who's wives won't dive and basically goes off with them. If we dive as a trio, he will leave me, exclude me or we don't get to do the things I want to do, yet I do what they want to do.

then I find out he has been sneeking off at weekends to dive with the boys again excluding me (their wives won't dive). I asked him about it and he said that I wouldn't have wanted to go and I'm holding him back.

our other people who we dive with are couples like we were, but then I feel like I can't go just with them as it ruins the dynamics.

so now I'm feeling like I don't want to dive anymore, but I've worked hard to get my advanced. I loved to dive and take photos. So a question for you

as ladys how do you find a like minded buddy?

Where are you in the UK? I've found most of my buddies through the interwebs or a local club. Either this site, The Dive Forum (uk based), or through various facebook groups. If you're anywhere near somerset, feel free to pop by Vobster on Sunday. I'll be there with some people I know and some people new to me. It should be a good, even if slightly chilly, day.

 

[Rosie90]

Thanks for the replys. I think you hit the nail on the head cramping his style. We started together and learned from scratch. However if now feels like he only wants me to dive when he doesn't have anyone else.

fortunatly I've always looked after my own kit as he doesn't look after his own properly so I don't trust him with mine!

its crazy as I meet loads of different people in more "lady like" things, but the only female divers I come across are those that were / are like me and diving with their partner.

How do you guys find diving with a group of men?

I've never thought about it before and guess buddy wise I've become stuck in a rut, never in a million years thinking this would happen.

 

[Keith.M]

Wow. What a dick.

I'd suggest you find another dive buddy, male preferred.

Then see how he reacts.

 

[uncfnp]

Rosie90. This sounds like a relationship problem, not a dive problem. Sorry. No easy solution here.

Just to address your diving questions, I have no problem diving with others, men or women or solo for that matter. As you can see from the female posts so far, we tend to be a fairly independent minded group. If I want to dive, an uncooperative partner will not stop me.

Wishing you all the best of luck.

 

[story]

I'm sorry you don't live in Sweden! I'm part of a great club where there are lots of girls and women who dive. Some are married and dive with their husbands, some are married and DON'T dive with their husbands, some dive like most of us, with new buddies each time...

I think you and your husband don't fit as buddies and that's lesson one (perhaps two), that you should feel comfortable with your buddy. But I kind of feel that your man's an ass. If he goes off diving, not even asking if you would like to join, that's not cool. I'm not saying that you should pair up in the water, but you could at least be asked to tag along and find your own buddy.

My best advise: find your own club/team/group and dive without your husband.

 

[Rosie90]

Rosie90. This sounds like a relationship problem, not a dive problem. Sorry. No easy solution here.

Just to address your diving questions, I have no problem diving with others, men or women or solo for that matter. As you can see from the female posts so far, we tend to be a fairly independent minded group. If I want to dive, an uncooperative partner will not stop me.

Wishing you all the best of luck.

yes that's my thinking, I don't want to stop now he has found his feet and wants to play look what a man I am (the people he dives with are less experienced Ie newly qualified). I'm not prepared to sit waiting at home for the times he has no1 else to play with.

I think I need to speak to the people we dive with as a couple in the first instance and still go with them, there are times we dive in threes. And look to go to the local club pool sessions, get to know some people.

Im due to go in a diving holiday soon, think I'll buddy up with the dive guide lol.

---------- Post added January 30th, 2015 at 04:24 PM ----------

I'm sorry you don't live in Sweden! I'm part of a great club where there are lots of girls and women who dive. Some are married and dive with their husbands, some are married and DON'T dive with their husbands, some dive like most of us, with new buddies each time...

I think you and your husband don't fit as buddies and that's lesson one (perhaps two), that you should feel comfortable with your buddy. But I kind of feel that your man's an ass. If he goes off diving, not even asking if you would like to join, that's not cool. I'm not saying that you should pair up in the water, but you could at least be asked to tag along and find your own buddy.

My best advise: find your own club/team/group and dive without your husband.

funny thing is our instructor told him I'm the better diver lol