Dear Dork Divers Advice Column – Ask us your questions

[Fish_Whisperer]

Hahahaha.... I love this thread...

 

[J.R.]

Dear Dive Dork.....

what is the correct thing to do when voting stars on threads??

... follow your bubbles...

J.R.
DD - #... ummm.... something...

 

[El Orans]

Like, we really need a forum to discuss snorkels.

We really need a forum on color coordination.

Be careful what you wish for...

 

[J.R.]

Dear Dork Divers,

Thank you so much for setting me straight on my limitations in the bathtub vs the sink. I feel much more confident now. I do have some followup questions, however.

Should I get my snorkel filled only by responsible, certified dive centers? How long can I expect the air quality to last if I duct-tape the dry-valve shut? Should I carry a backup?

Sincerely,

Delta "SpareSnorkelAir" Wardog

General practice that snorkel filling is a *user responsibility*... I wouldn't trust anybody to fill my snorkel but me... I would offer a couple of guidelines though:

1: Make sure your snorkel is O2 clean... just in case...
2: Snorkel O2 cleaning kits are easily aquired if you have the cert for it
3: You may find duct tape less than satisfying... moisture tends to limit the
efficacy of this temporary fix. I'd suggest superglue... or a good epoxy.
The fix is much more perminent... As to air quality... it's a GIGO function
and not specifically related to the device... although... if you make the
suggested mod's in #2... I'd make sure the adhesives have cured for at least
a year to make sure they aren't outgassing *less than desireable* air
additives...
4: Spare snorkel... well... that is a personal choice... but I'd recommend it...
snorkels are not only useful *air supply extension devices*... but can also
be a handy method of self expresssion... an old "J" tube type can announce
to the world, "HI... I'm an OLD SCHOOL DIVER... and I got a big knife too!!!"
Various colors tend to identify friendly and extroverted divers... Black...
the "ninja" style diver ... CLEAR snorkels tend to indicate yo may shop at
Wal-Mart... but, that's OK too...
5: A spare snorkel is not only a *good thing* for you... but you have to ask yourself
"If my dive buddy looses THEIR snorkel... what position would I be in to help
them if I didn't have a spare?" In fact... ya' might ask yourself... "Did I remember
to bring enough for EVERYBODY?"...

Hope this helps...

Oh... and, as always... repeated experimentation using proven scientific methods have firmly established that using a snorkle at any depth beyond 60 feet is definately a BAD idea... even with advanced certs...


J.R.
DD - #... ummm.... something....

 

[H2Andy]

dear Dork Divers:

some of the posters in this thread are pissing me off.

what is the DIR way to pee in their regulators without them noticing?

 

[J.R.]

I'm a MOF kind of guy. Can I still be a Dork Diver?

MOF... MON... MOBOH... MOA... as long as yer' mask isn't back at the hotel... hard to be any kind of diver is ya' don't have yer' mask with ya'...

J.R.
DD - #... ummmm.... something....

 

[J.R.]

dear Dork Divers:

some of the posters in this thread are pissing me off.

what is the DIR way to pee in their regulators without them noticing?

... as an old navy chief once told me... "Better to be p'd-OFF than p'd ON..." ... and, I've looked through the DD handbook... don't see ANYTHING in there about making unauthorized mods to other people's equipment without express written approval of the owner...

... hope this helps...

J.R.
DD - #... ummm.... something...

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

dear Dork Divers:

some of the posters in this thread are pissing me off.

what is the DIR way to pee in their regulators without them noticing?

Dear H2 Andy,

Might I suggest a more constructive solution? Get thee hence to the water and DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!

 

[grassyknoll]

This thread is not humorous. It is Therapeutic !! After years of being blasted by the folks from the darkside, we finally have a place to vent that is gentle and supportive... So they banished us to where we can not recruit new members.

Like, we really need a forum to discuss snorkels. Do you see one? NO.

We really need a forum on color coordination. Do you see one? NO.

Dork divers must unite and PM the board on our concern. When they realize, 95% of REAL divers are dork, then they will pay attention to us.

My perspective is that for DD to catch on and recruit, you need to fight fire with fire. To the new diver, the Dark Side holds powerful allure with all their tech-talk and dogma-mantra-secret hand shake-black candles in the LDS basement goings on.
DD needs to develop it's own sophisticated tech-jargon with which to intimidate and impress new recruits.
My suggestions:
Day-Glo Giant Snorkle-REPLACE WITH-Flourescent trans-atmosphere air source access apparatus.
Mask on forehead-REPLACE WITH-Upper-cranial optimum mask placement manuever.

So as to remove the negative from a new divers performance, high SAC rate should be called a "maximized time/air usage ratio".

Having poor trim can be called being "Horizontally Challenged".

We can also promote the bicycle-kick (and perhaps a modified bicycle-kick?). Bicycle kicking will now be "Circular full-range knee kick".

All I have for now, I'm sure other DD can do better.

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

Is it nessesary to have your tank filled at the LDS
My local ACE hardware is having a sale
Is propane safe? that is to breath underwater

Well... That gets into exotic mixes. If you can get into a gas blending course and whip up a tank of propane, methane, and helium, you may not last long underwater, but you'll certainly be entertaining to other divers with the way that you smell and sound.