Blonde

[santafejoe]

 

[CenTexDivin]

A blonde, a brunette, and redhead walk into a bar. They ask for the specials and the bartender names a few drinks and then tells them about a magic mirror in the bathroom.

Appearently, if anyone looked deep into the mirror and then said something honest about themselves, they'd get whatever they wanted. However, if they lied, then they would disappear into thin air, never to be heard from again.

The brunette went first and looked deep into the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the bar!" and then *poof*! A million dollars in a briefcase appears beside her.

Next the redhead went to the bathroom, looked deep into the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the bar." *poof* Priceless jewelry appears all around her.

Overly jealous, the blond runs to the bathroom, looks deeply into the mirror and says, "I think..." and *poof* she disappears, never to be heard from again.

 

[emcbride81]

A blonde, a brunette, and redhead walk into a bar. They ask for the specials and the bartender names a few drinks and then tells them about a magic mirror in the bathroom.

Appearently, if anyone looked deep into the mirror and then said something honest about themselves, they'd get whatever they wanted. However, if they lied, then they would disappear into thin air, never to be heard from again.

The brunette went first and looked deep into the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the bar!" and then *poof*! A million dollars in a briefcase appears beside her.

Next the redhead went to the bathroom, looked deep into the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the bar." *poof* Priceless jewelry appears all around her.
Overly jealous, the blond runs to the bathroom, looks deeply into the mirror and says, "I think..." and *poof* she disappears, never to be heard from again.

That is a money joke right there!!!!!!!!

 

[turtle_guy]

^^so far the best the others are good but dang keep'em comin y'all:rofl:

 

[CenTexDivin]

A Blonde traveling to a new job didn't show up on the first day. Her supervisor called and asked what happened. The Blonde replied, "I'm stuck in my motel room. There are only 3 doors in here: one is the closet, another is the bathroom, and the last one has a sign on it that says DO NOT DISTURB".

How can you tell if a Blonde sent you a fax?
There's a stamp on it.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
100. 1 to stir and 99 to peel the m&m's

Why did the Blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in 9 months?
Because on the box it says 2-4 years.

Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
They can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

What is a blonde trying to do when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
Trying to hold onto a thought.

 

[CenTexDivin]

Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!

 

[m3830431]

One day this blonde is riding a horse. As they are trotting along the blonde decides she wants to go faster and do some tricks so she starts turning the horse around in a circle. All of a sudden she starts to slip so she grabs the horses mane. But even though she has hold of the mane she was still slipping. so she decided the best thing to do was to not fall off by putting her foot in the saddle. So she's riding along hanging from her foot, with her head banging on the ground, almost near death when the K Mart guy comes over and turns of the horse.

 

[m3830431]

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any." replied the first blonde. "Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

 

[kilo_fox]

Two blondes were going to Disneyland on vacation. They saw a sign that said 'Disneyland left' so they turned around and went home.

 

[DarkCoffee]

A blonde decides that she tired of all those 'dumb blonde jokes' and needs to put things right. She dyes her hair black, sells her condo, buys a small farm, a jeep and leaves the city. On the way she sees a sheppard tending his huge flock and decided that her new farm needs some sheep. She walks up to the sheppard:

"If I were to tell you how many sheep you have in this flock, would you give me one?"

The sheppard looks over the flock, that ranges across the valley floor, scratches his chin then says, "Sure.."

She looks over the valley with a quick glance and announces, "2312!"

The sheppard is amazed! "You're right!"..

She grabs the nearest animal, puts it into the back of the jeep. Just as she's getting ready to leave the sheppard walks up to the jeeps door and politely knocks on the window. The blonde rolls down the window. The sheppard looks in the back, sighs and says:

"If I can tell you what colour your hair really is, will you give me back my dog?"