Am I being stupid?

[MissyP]

Have you ever tried a seperation? Move out, rent an apartment, live on your own & let him live on his own. The old saying is that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so maybe in your absence your husband will realize just how important you are to him..
As far as the lack of intimacy, it sounds like you've simply fallen out of love with him... When you lose that emotional connection with someone, its easy to lose any physical desire as well.. Counseling may help, but its not always possible to regain that once deep connecting love that you started out with..

You and you alone need to sit down and weigh the situation - would you be happier without him? Does he really value you as a wife, or just a financial partner/roommate? As one poster mentioned, it really sounds like you're stuck in the rut of familiarity, and thats why you choose to stay in your situation..
Are you emotionally co-dependent on him?

 

[dilligaf368]

Divorce is expencive because it is WORTH IT! It's been 5 yrs for me. Bill

 

[redrover]

Just wanna to make sure I'm not just being childish. At 35, is it stupid to wanna be independent and on my own? I can make new friends easily. I'll certainly miss his company at times, but isn't that what happens when you've been with someone that long (15 years)? He seems more like family or something else - not a marital relationship that forsakes all others - his family need for protection of the "trust" seems WAY more important...........

Since you are new and incase you don’t know about this feature here, I sent you a PM.

 

[getwet2]

-Prenupitual agreement.
Hate that we share nothing - even in death - what's mine is mine, what's his is his and never the two shall meet.
I'm professional and financially stable myself.
He's made it fully clear that I'll never be part of his family or join in any way financially
...he's threatened divorce
Am I being stupid to want and expect more out of life and my husband?

Take the prenup to a lawyer to have a look at so you know where you stand and then remind him that the next time he threatens divorce that prenups work both ways. What have you got to lose? Except something that you don't really like anyway. Take what's yours and go or give him what's his as he's going.

 

[JeffG]

take what you can get

Nice first post troll.

 

[shark.byte.usa]

Without airing my own laundry on a public forum, I'll just say, sometimes it's best just to move on, life is too short, especially if he's imovable on important issues to you. I don't see counseling changing his mind on your main issues. We are who we are, love does not counquer all, may sound cynical, but in my experience true. People grow apart especiailly when married young. You don't want to wake up ten years from now and still be unhappy, and realize you just wasted another decade, but your the only one who knows if it can be reonciled.

 

[Diver0001]

Am I being stupid to want and expect more out of life and my husband?

On first glance it sounds to me like what you're describing has its roots in intimacy..... I don't really know how to answer your question. I know how I would answer it for myself, but it's hard to project these kinds of norms & values onto someone else's life. The important thing is answering the questoin for yourself. I would suggest going to a professional who can help you get your head out of the hurricane so you can make a well grounded choice for the future and move on either way.

If you do decide to divorce him then depending on where you live you may have legal options (despite the existing contract) to get the stuff divided up more evenly if that's what you want. In any case I would consult a lawyer before you move out if you decide to go that route. You helped build the nest egg the two of you are sitting on and you're entitled to your fair share of it.

And most of all I wish you strength and luck and dealing with this crisis.

R..

 

[smiling]

Missy - no emotional co-dependency issues.....I did kind of leave my family (time-wise and activity-wise) for "us" when we got married and such - but now re-connecting in past 6 mos or so.....

He DOES value me as a wife. It DOES feel like a partnership at this point - and most of our conversations are "work" related as we're not connecting at a deeper level at all. He'll put in time or effort to help me accomplish something - but very stingy financially. He can be really nice, helpful, and attentive - but when its "business" his attitude totally changes.

I know I'm in a comfortable but unhappy rut. Went from college/home to him at 19 - didn't really get a chance to know myself before meeting him. We've always been "play-mates", but that's no longer enough for me - I want more connection.

Redrover - THANK YOU for your PM

 

[Kim]

While I can appreciate that discussing this with fellow divers as you are doing here might be helping you, I can't help asking myself - don't you have any close personal friends that you could also talk it over with? Especially if it would be someone who knows both of you they might have a perspective that could help.
This is your life and happiness that you are discussing - not something to be taken lightly. Maybe some of the advice that you have been getting here IS what you need. Please remember though that most of us on a board like this don't know each other, and if we did we probably would have discussions like this face to face.

(a little concerned)

 

[ScubaFreak]

Yep, Its an easy trap to fall into. I know my Ex and I are better off splitting and yet we still remain very good friends.

Bet you don't let her use your scooter though