ADVICE for Solo Dive trip STRESS

[tmp]

Hello,

I have hesitated to post this but I guess as a last ditch effort in possibly maintaining my sanity I will seek out advice or thoughts.

I have a trip coming up in a few days. I am booked as a solo diver. I normally dive with my wife, we are good divers with a variety of dives and dive conditions and certs, under our belts. I have been on several trips and seen several, shall we say "clowns" on the boats and in the water. I am always thankful that my wife is my buddy. She knows me. I trust her. She dives like I do with respect for the water and conservatively.

That being said - we are having a few "issues" that I believe will be resolved over time and she has "opted out of this trip".

Here is my issue: I thought initially it would not be a problem, I will still go - I need a break from life, work and stress anyways. For me my dives have always been complete serenity....quiet other than sounds of the ocean and bubbles, complete relaxation. As it draws near to be perfectly honest I am scared. Scared to be in the water and diving without my wife. I keep telling myself it will be fine - stick with the DM and the group (these will be led dives - very easy). I fear I will get stuck with a "clown", poor diver or inexperienced as a buddy and it will cause my already existing stress to double or perhaps go into overdrive.

I thought about cancelling completely but I do not think that is the answer.

What to do? Do I talk to a DM, the staff.....do I tell them these things.....do I not dive??

 

[DevonDiver]

This question of unreliable 'insta-buddies' gets asked frequently here on Scubaboard.

I put my thoughts into an article, to save endless cut-and-pastes: How To Dive With Insta-Buddies

If your own stress is a particular issue, then you may want to consider hiring a private DM for your dives - then you will know that you [should] have a reliable buddy, who is of a proven benchmark in dive skill and familiar with the dive sites you will visit. This may allow greater peace-of-mind.

Failing that, simply pose your concerns (as presented here) to the dive operator concerned - and ask them to make a determined effort to ensure that you will be twinned with the most capable buddy possible.

Once on the boat/at the dive center, do your best to network and meet other divers. Identify the ones who are likely to have the emotional sensitivity and dive competence to be a good buddy... then just ask them.

On a more personal note (as someone who's been through more than enough relationship turmoils in his life), don't forget to remind yourself that this will be the perfect opportunity to meet new people, make new friends and put life into perspective.
Find the right people to share dives with...irrelevant of their experience/competence... but instead, on the basis of their willingness to listen and accommodate your preferences. Sometimes a developing diver with a good attitude, can be better than a hot-shot with a bad vibe. Who knows? You might even take some pleasure out of diving with a newbie... if they are willing to accept your mentorship and suggestions... that can be a very fulfilling experience in itself.

 

[DivemasterDennis]

Find my comments at my blog titled "Constructive Criticism for Instabuddy"

 

[ScubaSteve]

I would first suggest that you make sure you are mentally in a place to dive right now. You seem to have some major life issues right now and the last thing you need is to not be in a frame of mind to react quickly and wisely when the circumstances call for it. We have recently seen posts from people who went on dives and made some really bad decisions on those dives. Some have implied that perhaps they were not in a safe frame of mind for diving because of issues in their present day life. I say, first and foremost, make sure that you are going to be able to safely plan and execute a dive if diving solo and that you can be a good buddy if you do not dive solo. Right now you should likely worry more about yourself than another insta-buddy....

Just my $0.02

 

[Teamcasa]

....What to do? Do I talk to a DM, the staff.....do I tell them these things.....do I not dive??

Yes, on talking to the DM. Like you my primary dive buddy is my wife as well but should she not want or can not dive AND I'm booked or simply need the time off and want to dive I'd simply hire a guide if the charter is generally vacation divers.

It's not that much more and if I hire them, they tend to do want I want, not what the group wants. This works out perfect for me as a videographer.

 

[BluewaterSail]

Good comments above. I recommend that you seriously consider hiring a private DM for a few reasons:

1) You are looking to relax. Being with someone who knows the dive site removes some stress generators
2) Odds are they are not a "clown" as you put it.
3) You can be very clear with them how you like to dive. Since their job is to satisfy you, odds are they will listen if you are adequately clear. You won't have to compromise with someone who really wanted to dive differently (less conservatively)
4) as Steve wrote, you are not in a good frame of mind right now. You are distracted. You may not notice things as quickly as you otherwise might. Being with an attentive buddy (who you are paying to be attentive) would help to mitigate that added risk.

But be sure to fully communicate to the organizer what your concerns are, and what you would expect out of your private DM. They won't read your mind. Insist on a full buddy check and discussion of the dive plan. Don't do a trust me dive. Think of it as hiring a local buddy.

 

[Searcaigh]

Go for it, take a complete break from life, focus only on the diving, approach the operator and explain what you are looking for in this trip, accept your first instabuddy with no prejudice. refer to Devon Diver's link in his post above. Personally I have had few bad experiences on overseas trips, so go on the trip with an optimistic outlook.

I am beginning to think that recent comments about instabuddies are like automobile forums, all we hear are the negative points. I have had some wonderful instabuddies too, a lot more than bad ones.

 

[BlackPatch]

Hello,

I have hesitated to post this but I guess as a last ditch effort in possibly maintaining my sanity I will seek out advice or thoughts.

I have a trip coming up in a few days. I am booked as a solo diver. I normally dive with my wife, we are good divers with a variety of dives and dive conditions and certs, under our belts. I have been on several trips and seen several, shall we say "clowns" on the boats and in the water. I am always thankful that my wife is my buddy. She knows me. I trust her. She dives like I do with respect for the water and conservatively.

That being said - we are having a few "issues" that I believe will be resolved over time and she has "opted out of this trip".

Here is my issue: I thought initially it would not be a problem, I will still go - I need a break from life, work and stress anyways. For me my dives have always been complete serenity....quiet other than sounds of the ocean and bubbles, complete relaxation. As it draws near to be perfectly honest I am scared. Scared to be in the water and diving without my wife. I keep telling myself it will be fine - stick with the DM and the group (these will be led dives - very easy). I fear I will get stuck with a "clown", poor diver or inexperienced as a buddy and it will cause my already existing stress to double or perhaps go into overdrive.

I thought about cancelling completely but I do not think that is the answer.

What to do? Do I talk to a DM, the staff.....do I tell them these things.....do I not dive??

Buddy,

Do all of the above that you have listed on the days prior to diving.

Also, if you are even that bit unsure, don't hesitate to make the "right" call in not diving. No use in getting into a situation when in the water.

Story:

My friend and the key influence on me even taking up diving is a chap called Guy. Once certified I wanted nothing more than to rip right into the water and get underneath. I tried to find a buddy and could not. I came up with the Awesomeidea of diving solo ( I have nowhere near your experience levels) in a lake near by. As the day of departure approached I realized, with crushing force, that to do such a thing would put me in a place I am not equipped to go yet, therefore I could quite easily, become a statistic (at worst) or at best, affect my love of diving.

I scrubbed my dive. Never went. Knew that it would have created too much of an issue within me as to my experience level. I spoke to Guy about this decision and he told me flat out that I was not ready to dive solo yet, told me I would get there.(Not in those words, he is much more matter of fact chap!) I was rather proud of the fact that I had the ability to say No to diving, regardless of the overwhelming urge to get in the water.

End Story.

I only mention my story because If you are nervous of the fact that it will be your first solo dive then see if you can get out, prior to the trip, to an area you are familiar with.Try getting in the water, staying at a shallow depth and evaluate your responses to this unfamiliar diving scenario. If this scenario leaves you with a feeling of calm then it may not be the issue of diving on your own, it may be everything in your personal life that is influencing the Stress you feel.

The fact that you posted this up here is Kudos to you. Personal life is often difficult to talk about, so the fact that you have acknowledged this is causing a stressor on you is a big plus.

I don't know if my ramblings have helped, but whatever you do, just stay safe and don't be afraid to Scrub It if you need to.

Pete.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

I prefer to dive alone rather than with an insta buddy. Although that has worked out on a couple occaisons. Lucked out on one trip and hooked with three great guys of various experience levels who were all good divers and we had a blast. We even let a new guy in who by the end of the week was somebody I'd trust to dive with my kids. He listened, learned, and applied it all. I have also been in the water with one guy who informed me as we were about to splash on a PLANNED dive to the well deck of the Spiegel Grove that he didn't go like to go below 85 feet. The plan was for 120. Ok fine, he stayed at 85, I did my 118 and never dived with him again. I also at that time decided I will dive my own plan and whenever necessary do it solo as long as the op was ok with it.

But it sounds like you are not there yet. So - my number is on my website, I have vacation days left, send me tickets and expense money and I be your dive buddy.
Seriuosly though. Sorry about your situation. Sucks. Been there, done that. It may just be the thing you need to clear your head. But as one poster noted are your sure it's a good idea to go now. Do you have everything in order should you come back to a situation that is worse than you are leaving? Somebody had to say it. I was going through problems during two marriages. Leaving, even "temporarily" was not a good idea. Temporary always turned into permanent in the end. Neither was really good anyway but still.

As the old saying goes, Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and have the safety deposit box with the rainy day money well secured and secret.

So good luck.

 

[Vicksburg Diver]

Talk with the boat captain and DM and be very candid about your concerns. Stick with the DM and after first dive you'll probably be more relaxed and enjoy the rest.