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Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of...

Jihad A Muslim I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD. Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that's when it all kicked off!

Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas, Timmy Jones...

Tesco Doctor One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!' Listen mate ; don't waste your time down at the surgery, Mike replies.There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the...

SMART ARSE ANSWER5 It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. "What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMART ARSE ANSWER4 A lady was picking through the frozen...

SEX AFTER DEATH? A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first...

:lol: Posting twice in a thread about 3D videography is perfect.

No explanation necessary

This isn't really funny but interesting. This is what 1 Trillion dollars look like What does one TRILLION dollars look like?

THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING? A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a...

Lawyers A very successful attorney parked his brand new Bentley in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the...

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The ' and 'IRS' together, it spells'THEIRS'? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? If people from Poland are called Poles, then whyaren't people from Holland called Holes? If a pig loses its voice, is it...

Paddy McCoy, an elderlyIrish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions,stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutoryminimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up."Tell me about...

When Ole wins the lottery Ole and Sven were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past. It was loaded with rolls of sod. Ole said, “I’m gonna do dat when I win da lottery.” “What's dat?” asks Sven. “Send my lawn away to be mowed."

7 Degrees of Blonde FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife answered, 'I...

Douche bag diving bell

Pooch rescued by dolphins CNN.com - Breaking News, U.S., World, Weather, Entertainment & Video News

A Homeless Man's Funeral As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the...

Google microbrew Ale or Bud

Why dogs are better than women: Dogs don't cry Dogs love it when your friends come over Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo Dogs think you sing great A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late. The later you are...