What to do when you have to go...

[pittyyofool]

First of all try to clean your plumbing before you dive. And if that Fails you..

If you are more than 3 miles off shore at a remote reef it is legal to dump your holding tanks. so take off your gear, pull down your suit, and do your business. I did it holding on to an oil rig at 120ft during a deco dive. It was cold but worth it.
If you are not in that situation, safely ascend to the surface, and run for the head. If it is really bad unbuckle your gear in the water (on the surface) and have your buddy hold on to it while you make the mad dash. They will not mind that what they are there for "to help you in a time of NEED!"

 

[bigken462]

Warhammer.......Like a bad nightmare that just wont go away. However, fun is fun, and when Mr. Hankey comes for a visit, would be a good time to congratulate your buddy that he just passed his solo speciality course - now go have fun.

A present from down below
Speading joy with a 'howdy ho'!
He's seen the love inside of you
Cos he's a piece of poo!

 

[BTravlin]

I've had the great misfortune to have experienced this problem myself. Was at the beginning of a drift dive and was at 80' when the rumblings started and these were no normal rumblings. Something I had eaten the night before was obviously not too agreeable to my system and was letting me know about it in no uncertain terms. I held everything together throughout the dive but only because it was a drift dive. If I had needed to be finning all about it would have been a lost cause. Anyway, I surfaced first and got back aboard the six pack which of course had no head. I stripped out of my wetsuit and went back overboard while everyone else was getting back on the boat. Went to the bow and dropped shorts just in time as the explosion hit. Cleaned up pretty well and got back on board totally embarrassed. If anybody guessed my dilemma they were polite enough to feign ignorance. I hope I never have to go through that again!

 

[dpaustex]

I guess I lead a sheltered life.....

you mean your wetsuit doesn't have a back flap??? You really need to buy the upgraded suit......

Some of them even have a built-in TED.

You know, a T_rd Extraction Device.

 

[Licensed to Creel]

If your on a boat without a head hang your A#& over the side. Warm water enviroment drop your drawers and let it go, the fish will typically take care of things. If you're wearing a wetsuit I guess you just shat in it! Purge at the earliest opportunity! No need to announce the event.

 

[Jupiter31]

My wife reckons I shouldn`t share this experience. Was doing an OW course with (thankfully) one student, and I arrived on site (we were making two shore dives) with really bad constipation (I`m a smoker and love coffee but that did me no good on this day). I`d spent ten minutes trying to force the issue at home before I left for the center, another ten minutes at the center`s restroom, and another ten at the loos at the dive site - Alas! to no avail and ten minutes in an Egyptian loo is a long, long time - and was too embarrassed to tell my boss that I couldn`t dive as I needed a crap. I had decided to make the first entry from a pontoon over the reef plate so my student could use a giant stride, a walk of about 100 meters from where we set-up (it felt like a 100 miles as I was almost doubling over with stomach pain). As soon as I hit the water my bowels let go, it was disgusting but felt so, so good. Thankfully I was in my shorty (and we were early on site and the first in the water by an hour) and was able to flush a lot out as we did some surface navigation work (with me a couple of meters behind my student), leaving clouds of brown in my wake and CD-thin pieces of s**t to slowly sink beneath me. We then used a line to drop down to about 7m and I had hoped it was all gone, but we were accompanied by more clouds of brown and yet more CD-thin pats that settled gently around us on the floor. After the dive, thinking there was no way my student could have missed my faux pas, I apologised and explained that I had a bad stomach. True to Sod`s Law, my student hadn`t realised what I had been up to and my shame was compounded. I dread to think what it would have been like in a full suit ... probably a full suit.

Morale is ... never be afraid to cancel a dive for any reason.

And when you gotta go, you really gotta go.

Love a good s__t story! Well told, too.

Seriously, Its a part of life and has the potential to happen to any of us.

Short of diving "dry" and wearing adult diapers, drinking a pint of immodium (sp?) prior to diving, or use of a butt plug no way to be 100% sure!

(And for the "literal minded", the last paragraph was tongue in cheek!)