>Conversations
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>Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
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>Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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>Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
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>TWA 2341: "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
>here?"
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>Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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>From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line: "I'm f...ing
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>bored!"
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>Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
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>immediately!"
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>Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
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>O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
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>Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
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>
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>United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
>little
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>Fokker in sight."
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>A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting
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>to locate the aircraft on radar,
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>
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>ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
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>Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
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>A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
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>after touching down.
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>San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of
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>the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit
>off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
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>A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the
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>following:
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>
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>Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
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>
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>Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
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>Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
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>
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>Germany .. Why must I speak English?"
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>Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because
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>you lost the bloody war!"
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>Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
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>124.7"
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>Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
>we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
>runway."
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>Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
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>Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
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>
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>Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
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>we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
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>
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>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>
>One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
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>the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
>around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in
>the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you
>make it all by yourself?"
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>
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>The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
>real
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>zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll
>have
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>enough parts for another one."
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>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
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>short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
>location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
>with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
>exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call
>sign: Speedbird 206.
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>
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>Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
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>Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
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>The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
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>Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
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>Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
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>Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been
>to Frankfurt before?"
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>
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>Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I
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>didn't land."
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>
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>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>
>
>While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight
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>departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
>United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air
>crew,
>screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn
>right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I
>know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get
>it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now
>shouting
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>hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
>sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
>can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want
>you to
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>go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
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>that, US Air 2771?"
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>
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>"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
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>
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>Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
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>after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
>the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
>cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an
>unknown
>pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
>
>"Wasn't I married to you once?"
>
