Your Gear, Your Dive, Your Responsibility

[fdog]

I would not dive with a person you describe (unskilled and unthinking and needy) of any gender.

With that said, I cheerfully carry my wife's tank, scooter, or whatever, because:

> It's what my parents raised me to do as a "polite man"
> My peer group is the same - we all get up to give our seats on the train for an elderly lady
> She can do it herself, I just got to it first
> And if I don't watch out, she'll carry my gear too while I'm not watching

<shrugs> Believe me, if I was partnered with someone that needed me to do all those things, nay, expected it, I for sure wouldn't. Do those things, I mean. Or, be partnered with them.

All the best, James

 

[Bobbin-along]

I know quite a few women divers actually. About half defer to the spouse during the dives or outright have the spouse do everything short of pee in their wetsuit for them. I'm from the uber-liberated PNW, the state where women's portable urinal cups were developed, and women hit men for opening a door for them. Maybe things are different in HI, but I don't think the demographic is that different from region to region. If anything I'd be willing to bet that you'd see this behavior quite frequently on the tour boat operations.

It's not about lugging the tank around. That was just supposed to insert a little levity in the more serious points of the post. It's about putting your gear together yourself and making sure everything works properly. It's about being an active member of the dive team from planning, leading, and understanding where you are. It's about being competent skill wise to be a good buddy. Those are things I'm not seeing in a significant number of women who dive with their spouse. It's a fascinating and disturbing facet of human behavior.

I don't understand it, and as I've been diving with different couples outside of my normal circle, I'm seeing it more often. That's why I decided to express my concern in a venue where similar minded women divers might be able to discuss how it may be solvable.

 

[Cacia]

oh....solvable!

hmm...well if you know the woman well tell her what you think.

If you don't, it is a waste of your time and what I do is ask how I can apply the observation/ larger lesson to myself. They say when these things really hit a nerve, there is a reason. And I have found that to be true.

like "hmmm..I could be broke someday by being financially dependent, etc etc"

Having said that, I do rinse all the gear.

 

[SubMariner]

I don't see this as so much of a male/female issue (although, I do see that as well from time to time), but usually of someone who has little confidence in their own diving abilities....

Right on, Walter.

 

[nauifins73]

Even though married to a diver for 32 yrs I usually travel solo. I to have seen women differ to their S O personally I can't imagine that.

I am the one that takes our tanks to the shop for the fill; packs his gear; and when he isn't looking checks his set up.

 

[CIRE320]

My wife got certified two years ago when we were still dating. I told her that she needed to get certified because she wanted to, not just because i wanted her to. I also told here that i would haul heavy stuff around, but she was going to have to set up her own gear. Early on she asked me to do things for her and i did, but i told her that she needed to be able to dod it herself. Now she's getting ready to start her DM class in the spring and the only thing she asks me to do is sometimes check that here BC strap is tight enough around the tank. I know several instructors that teach at the shop i work at that will split couples up in class so that one does't become dependant on the other.

 

[TexasZR2]

I'll schlep the tanks for my wife only because I am more suited for heavy lifting than she is. She dang well will help carry the rest of the gear, or she wouldn't be around for long. /ducks the backhand

We actually had a kewl experience in our OW course. Because of the time of year we took the course, we ended up in a class by ourselves. The intructors were a married couple who took turns teaching the different modules. On our dives, they each took one of us and conducted the drills separately. It was very nice getting personal, one-on-one attention without having to pay for a private lesson.

 

[letterboy]

In the classes I assist with we always split the husband and wife teams up and will go as far as splitting B/F G/F's up IF and WHEN they start to rely on each other instead of learning the skills on there own. All the students carry there own gear to and from the van at the pool, this is nice for me too.

My personal philosophy is if you can't carry it, I sure am not going to carry it for you

 

[sea nmf]

I dove my first 10 years in the PNW, so I include my experience there. Most of the women I know do set up their own gear and maintain it.

I have seen the situation you speak of on dive boats, yes. I don't mean to imply that it doesn't happen and that is itsn't a problem. Your original post implied that MOST women were that way.

But I will say that most of the women I observe do set up their own gear. This includes the PNW, HI, and most of my travels.

 

[Cacia]

there does come a point where it just is "their business."

yes,

I sure am not going to carry it for you

I draw the line at lifting integrated weights up and on to the boat.

I preached for months on the Halcyon and Eclypse and he bought a Ranger. SO heavy!

I would say 90 % of the women I see are self sufficient...