Your Gear, Your Dive, Your Responsibility

[Bobbin-along]

I'm bothered. Really bothered. I've noticed a significant number of women in real life and in anecdotal stories here on SB that seem to rely on others for their kitting up, checking their gear, and even for their dive experience. Lynne is the exception, she's always been a big believer in personal responsibility. She's not the one I'm worried about just because someone helps her with her doubles to and from the water.

I'm bothered by the story in the Accident&Incident section where the woman was OOA 7 minutes into the dive, and her husband set up her gear and it appears she didn't check over her kit after he set it up. Or, the couple who are both DMs and the husband is the dominant person and the wife rarely does anything without him "assisting" her. She's yet to take anyone out on a local dive without hubby coming along to guide her and the customer. Numerous other women who are diving and letting their S.O. set it up gear for them, and even do things like inflate the BCs for the while underwater. It happens often in classes, and then last month when we dove with a couple who were AOW graduates. He reached over and hit her inflator button for her, and then during the ascent he was burping it for her. #$^$%!!!

I won't say I hate the days where my husband lugs the tanks from the shop to the car, but usually while he's doing that I'm dragging the other 2 bags of gear to the car. But at the dive site, it's me who sets up my gear. My gear, my responsibility, my life. And bless it all, don't EVER touch my power inflator. I can make myself an ICBM without anyone's "help". And for whatever reason women who know their husbands can't negotiate accross town in a car without getting lost, suddenly rely on them to navigate underwater. WTH??? I have watched numerous spousal teams where those things happen. and apparently it isn't limited to OW, as seen by the AOW, and DM couples I know.

OK, I'll put my soap box back into the garage now. But I still believe that women who dive need to be responsible for themselves for a few reasons.

1. If you get into trouble while diving you have to be able to be active in avoiding the problem initially or solving the problem yourself. Read your gauges, know your gear, know your limits, use your flipping compass every dive and be one with it.

2. If you don't have the necessary skills and confidence, then your dive buddy will most likely make bad choices risking both of you while trying to help you when you are in a pickle. Afterall, He's thinking through his fear/panic that he's been assisting you on all the dives and you can't possibly help yourself.

3. If something happens to your buddy, and he's been the one doing something for you all the time, you aren't going to be able to help him or yourself back safely to the exit.

Diving is a great level playing field for men and women to enjoy together, and the best dive buddy is the one who has their act together, is skilled,and has confidence in their abilities. Seek out more information, learn about dive planning and gas management. Plan the next dive rather than having your buddy tell you what they want to do. Get out there and lead the dive, don't follow. Take a class on your own or dive with another female diver. If you are both unsure about your skills start shallow with minimal hazards and build up your skills and experience. Set up your own gear, and if something doesn't work for you figure out how to re-route it to make it more user-friendly for YOU. The goal is to be a smart diver, a confident diver. If you have the skills, smarts, and confidence, then you will be a SAFE diver.

 

[runamonk]

My wife is the same way. She's not as strong as me obviously but she sets up her own stuff and puts on her own gear.

I don't see any reason for women to rely on anyone else to do any of this for them.

 

[Cacia]

yes...you are right.

JB does set up my gear to be chivalrous, but I do check it. I would set his up sometimes, except he has integrated weights and I told him when he bought that thing that I would not touch it.

you are right....

In my defense, I am in charge of the thinking....he COULD think, we just have drifted into these simple roles, for convenience. He is not ever going to call a dive...so it's up to me and we don't discuss it too much. I'll say..."we are going back to the boat because the current is picking up..nobody on the boat" and he says "okay". If he looks too heavy and it is annoying me...I have added air before.
It really bugs me when someone is not getting their bouyancy dialed in, and just swimming around and I can be meddlesome.

 

[fairybasslet]

Well, I've always been self-sufficient. I was certified before my late husband was, so I kind of took the lead with him. And since I've been more actively diving the last few years, most of my buds have been women, or my son. Even with a male buddy, I would never assume that he should help me control my buoyancy or set up my gear. However, I will admit to welcoming help schlepping tanks. I'm short so I can't carry an AL80 with my arm hanging straight down, which does make a difference when carrying. I am not that strong, though I am working on it by strength training. And I am not the best navigator, on land or in the sea, so if someone else is better than I am, I do let them take the lead.

 

[minikinminx]

I have to say that I get rather irate with people who assume I'm helpless. I can schlep tanks as well (if not as fast or far) as most of my dive buddies and although I do appreciate help at times, it is not necessary. If one of us is heading back to the truck for fresh tanks, it is easier to carry two tanks than one. He carries my tanks, I carry his. Though if he does go and get doubles he's on his own.

I have run into DMs (especially the newer ones) that are more than helpful. I have had to slap hands on more than one occasion when somebody decides I need help and attempts to inflate my bc, hook up my drysuit whip etc. If I can't handle these issues on dry land I have no business being in the water. I realize it is done with the best of intentions, but really they are doing a great disservice.

Chivalry is great, don't get me wrong, but being female is not a disabilty. I think the guys I dive with are finally catching on, now they just abuse me the same as everybody else.

 

[TSandM]

Thank you for starting with a disclaimer that this wasn't about me!

For the record, there are only a few things I don't do with my doubles, and I CAN, if pushed, do them: Set them on end if they've been laid down in the car with the valves away from me; Lift them into my husband's car (I can get them into mine without problems), and carry them from where I took them off to the car in the parking lot. Everything else I do myself.

I've seen female divers who depend on their male companions for multiple steps of gearing up, and who never lead the dive. I've never seen anybody whose male companion managed her buoyancy, and I sincerely hope I never do! But I have never understood the mentality that permits that kind of dependence. One of my faults in diving is that I'm not assertive enough when trying to take charge of an emergency situation (simulated to date, thank goodness) and I'm trying very hard to solve THAT. A team is only as strong as its weakest member, and that's NOT going to be me if I can help it.

 

[Walter]

I don't see this as so much of a male/female issue (although, I do see that as well from time to time), but usually of someone who has little confidence in their own diving abilities, usually as a result of an OW class with no real skills learned.

 

[Cacia]

well, I don't usually carry the tanks, but I try and make up for that.

Although...my buddies Ed and Jay have those handle thingies and they are really nice! they look silly until you have used one.

 

[sea nmf]

I don't know how many women divers that you are familiar with. I, for one, dive with women regularly and every single one of them sets up their own gear, lugs their own gear, and cares for their own gear. Mostly single women, I will admit.

If I had a significant other that would lug my gear, I'd absolutely love it. It wouldn't be because I couldn't do it, it would be because I'd simply rather not.

As for setting up my gear, I have always done that myself, even when my regular buddy was a man. In fact, I regularly set his gear up for similar reasons to Catherine. He drove the boat and did boat things, I did the gear things.

That being said, in my OW class, the instructor separated couples for the reason you mentioned; it may become a habit that women and men naturally fall into. And, I agree with you, it is a dangerous habit indeed when you don't set up your own gear and maintain your own gear.

 

[almitywife]

hubby sometimes shleps a tank aboot for me but thats it... on the weekend he tried to pack my gear for a dive (i was stuck in the kitchen) and afterwards i still went inot the lockup to go thru everything to make sure it was right

never had anyone set up my gear before...it would feel funny for me and after a dive i do a equal share of cleaning gear.

i will put my hand up for saying ive never lead a dive.... maybe i should join the child in her nav classes over summer

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