Where is the line between minding my own business?

[Teamcasa]

No, she does NOT warn anybody she likes to do her own thing. She didn't tell us until we tried several times to find out why she didn't stay with us. I looked at her post just now, and she responded to my question with, "The Nuerologist said 2 months, so that puts me at September 25. On the other hand, the psychologist said... " Actually, our first dive was July 25, so she's taking the 2 months to mean from our first day of diving rather than the day of the accident....

So, I'm hearing that I should maybe write a blog on that board posting the accident (without mentioning her name and letting others put the missing pieces, such as names, together?) Some of the people on the board know of our trip together.

That response should tell prospective buddies something... maybe ... I hope

It should tell them that if they know her story and still choose to dive with her they probably should not buy any green bananas.

 

[Zman96]

I would have done the same too, people need to know if somebody is a danger to themselves and others.

Brian

 

[BabyDuck]

j, maybe post on that thread 'why are you looking for buddies? i thought you wanted to 'do your own thing'. that's what you told us in july.'

you know, a polite 'go farg yourself'.

 

[Kim22]

My question is, should I have kept my mouth shut (or my fingers off the keyboard), or do I have a responsibility to subtlety alert others of a potential problem arising with diving with this person so soon? If she was asking for people to dive with in Oct. or Nov., I would say nothing because then I would assume she had waited the recommended time to be safe again. Sometimes I don't know when to mind my own business and when it's important to say something that might affect others.

I think you ABSOLUTELYdid the right thing. It would be a tragedy for some poor unsuspecting soul to take her up on her offer to be a buddy and then be left alone and have to save her (again).

Did she even bother to thank you for her saving her???

 

[diver 85]

Yes it is her life, but here is the rub. If she were diving solo it would be one thing. She is putting other peoples lives at risk by how she is diving. You know they have a life too and they might not want to dive with someone who thinks that the rules of diving don't apply to them. I would want to know about such a person before I went along on a dive with them.

When I was a very new diver, (I still consider myself new--just not very new) there was this dive master who touted himself as a good diver. Even as a noob I wondered what was up with this guy. A couple of seasoned divers took me aside and said "be careful, this guy is a bent case waiting to happen." And they were right. Just got word that Mr Bent Case Waiting to Happen in fact happened. He is lucky to be alive and those who dove with him are lucky that they didn't get hurt with his many unsafe practices. I heard him say last summer that he almost ran out of gas on 140 dive due to a free flow while he was waiting for his lift bag to hit the surface and his reg began to free flow. He often bragged of his many escapes. I heard him with my own ears more than once. I haven't heard all the details, but what I have heard is not pretty.

Boyle's law really doesn't care who you are, but you should care to avoid those who think they are above the effects of it.

Don't know about you but I prepare every dive as a (partial I guess you can say) solo dive----if you think your buddy is capable of saving your life(& vice versa) in every emergency, rethink things.........

 

[UnderSeaBumbleBee]

Don't know about you but I prepare every dive as a (partial I guess you can say) solo dive----if you think your buddy is capable of saving your life(& vice versa) in every emergency, rethink things.........

I would like to think I dive with safe people and if I deem them unsafe I don't dive with them anymore. I hope my buddy could help me, but at a minimum, I hope and further more demand that they don't try to get me killed.

I check my gas every couple of minutes and know what the gauge should read. I also check my buddy's gas and know what it should read. If either is off I know one of us have a problem that needs to be solved. I also insist we do drills on every dive at the start. If someone can't clear a mask or share air, I will be happy to sit in the shallows and help them master the skill, but I won't dive with them. I expect every buddy to demonstrate some level of skill. There are those who think it is a waste of time and I am happy to spend time with them out of the water.

 

[vladimir]

My question is, should I have kept my mouth shut (or my fingers off the keyboard), or do I have a responsibility to subtlety alert others of a potential problem arising with diving with this person so soon?

In general, I think we all have an ethical responsibility to respect the privacy of other people, particularly where their medical information is concerned and particularly on the internet. I do not see an equivalent ethical responsibility to inform potential buddies of unanticipated risks. Your first-hand knowledge of the events of that dive, on the other hand, would not have any restraints attached, and in my view, you should feel free to share them.

Also, to the extent that she shares her personal identifying information online, you should feel free to as well. If, for example, you and I had a fiasco dive together, I think telling the ScubaBoard that vladimir is a lousy diver is fine; telling them that Vladimir Yevtushenkov of 115 E. 72nd Street is a lousy diver would be a violation of my privacy, because I have never revealed that [fictitious] information online.

That said, this idiot certainly tests the boundaries of those concerns, and it would be hard to fault you either way.

 

[jupitermermaid]

I think you ABSOLUTELYdid the right thing. It would be a tragedy for some poor unsuspecting soul to take her up on her offer to be a buddy and then be left alone and have to save her (again).

Did she even bother to thank you for her saving her???

Yes, that's the funny thing. While she was in her euphoric state of mind, she kept thanking me over and over for saving her life and questioned why I did it. She acknowledged that she had been a bitch all week and said she wouldn't have blamed me if I let her drown. Of course, I wouldn't let anyone drown if I could help it and her personality/dependability/had nothing to do with it. Acutally, it helped me prepare for my Rescue course, so it was kind of nice in a perverse way that I was able to practice on her....

I wouldn't want to put that burden on anyone else, however. And with the other buddies that were with us, no one suspected anything until I had her 3/4 of the way to shore. Who knows what could have happened if she didn't cling to me looking for help? She never approached the other divers, so she had enough wits about her to go to the one who had the most experience at that time to help her. Or, I was the one who availed myself at the moment needed. I didn't assess at the time who the "best" rescuer would be at that moment. It was a decision that needed to be immediately made.

So, where she was nice enough to thank me for saving her life, she didn't show that she learned from her experience, which makes her a non-future dive buddy for me, and a poor buddy for any unsuspecting buddy who might not recognize her inadequacies or have the ability to help her WHEN the occasion arises again. I would not want to feel guilty for being with a person who had an unhappy ending to a dive in which they were unable or did not recognize the need for help with a self-absorbed person like her. I hope I don't sound too harsh.

 

[jupitermermaid]

Jupiter, maybe you can now respond with "I hope the lung has healed" or "stear clear of the DChamber this trip and goodluck."

Go to divebuddy.com and you can see that I posted something "similar" to that effect, but a little more subtle. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

[Garrobo]

This reminds me of a situation I found myself in about 15 years ago. I worked with and around high voltage all my working life. I lived near a small town which had a hardware store which I frequented. On a trip over there one day I parked by the town library. There was a couple of guys working on the gutters using 40' aluminum ladders. The edge of the building was about 10' from a 13,800 volt high line. I hesitated and was about to say something to them and try to explain how dangerous and illegal their actions were. Considering human nature I decided that I didn't need to be told to get lost that day so I kept my mouth shut. While in the hardware store I heard and saw the flash and crash. One guy lost an arm and half a leg and was permanently and completely dissabled and the other one was DOA when the squad got there. Many times I have wondered if these guys would have paid any attention to what I wanted to tell them and have always figured that they would have told me to mind my own business. But you always wonder anyway.