Good thread, for many reasons. Thanks for sharing the experience. A lot of us have 'matured' through similar experiences.One after-action step to take is to discuss this situation with the LDS. They are probably quite interested in knowing how their trip leaders and coordinators are performing. The instructor was not being paid to dive with you, BUT if he was the nominal group leader, it is quite possible that his charter costs were being comp'ed or even covered by the LDS and there was an implied obligation to be an active buddy, once the pairing was made. The LDS should also be a good potential source for finding a dive buddy. As the responses suggest, most folks can understand your situation. You spend the time and money, you get to the dive site, are paired with an instructor who is also supposedly the group leader, and you go ahead and make the dive. The number of people who would have bailed out and not gone diving at that point is pretty small. Captain's Choice charters are quite common along the Atlantic, and even when a site is posted there is not always a guarantee you will end up there. But, there are lots of charters along the coast, from MD down to NC that are worth doing and not altogether remote from the DC area, so keep looking and keep posting. One additional option that several have suggested is to find the time, and money, to perhaps make a more extended trip to a 'new diver friendly' area where you can continue to develop skills at the shallower yet enjoyable depths.
You had a valuable learning experience. You came back safely. You are reflecting on what happened and what you learned by posting the questions that started this thread. Good for you! (And, a number of profiles, threads, messages, etc. were lost over the last 4 weeks when SB had some technical problems. It wasn't you, it was the technology. So, go ahead and redo your profile)