What motivates you?

[Hockeynut]

What motivates me?

Chicks!!

 

[Diver0001]

It is funny that you say I haven't had to face that yet because I have my whole life. My father's family was all into the way someone looked. They were so much so that that is all they talked about. The last words I heard from my dear aunt whom I loved and cherished before she slipped into a comma was "When did you gain all that weight?" I was around 20 at the time. I kid you not. True story and this coming from someone who is suppose to love you, not a stranger you are trying to impress in order to feel good about yourself. I actually look better now than I did 20 years ago. My husband tells me that all the time. I think self-acceptance and confidence can make a person much more appealing and attractive than the same person who is down on themselves or constantly complaining about their looks, their age, etc.

Indeed. These are wise words. Self acceptance and confidence are hard to win and easily lost. If you have them both then you are blessed beyond the means of most people.

Thanks, Denise. It may might not be a coincidence that we met when we did...

For what it's worth, you have nothing to complain about....

R..

 

[denisegg]

Thanks, Denise. It may might not be a coincidence that we met when we did...

For what it's worth, you have nothing to complain about....

R..

Thank you R.

 

[Diver0001]

Thank you R.

Alright...... Lynne (TSandM) and I had a little email exchange and she told me I was from another planet for complaining about how I look. I've never posted a clear picture of myself before so I figured I need to come clean. Here are two pictures. The one of me without a beard is a year ago (and not sharp... it was taken by one of my kids a little too close). The one of me sleeping (with beard and short hair) was taken a couple of months ago.

R..

 

[denisegg]

For what it's worth, you have nothing to complain about....

R..

My sentiments exactly R...

 

[annasea]

Very interesting read! (Probably the most interesting thread I've come across in a long time here.)

Diver0001, here's another one in agreement with Lynne and Denise. You look great! Even if you didn't, why does it matter? I get the impression that you're in a good relationship with your wife... as long as she's happy to share the same bed with you, what does it matter if any other woman is interested? Ego boosts are nice, but having someone to come home to, and having that person happy to have you home, are what really counts. (But what do I know? I'm 39 and [not always happily] single. )

 

[TSandM]

Even if you didn't, why does it matter? I get the impression that you're in a good relationship with your wife... as long as she's happy to share the same bed with you, what does it matter if any other woman is interested?

We all build our self-image, and our self-esteem, around a variety of things. Some people are proud of their looks, some of their strength, some of their intelligence, some of their skills. For attractive people, it becomes an unacknowledged but still important part of their sense of "self" that they ARE, in fact, attractive people. Unfortunately, attractiveness is even more fragile and sensitive to time than intelligence is. As you lose it, you have to replace it with something, or mourn the loss.

It was a revelation to me, getting involved in diving, which is so predominately male. For the first time in my whole life, I was truly relating to men as a neuter entity. Now, I majored in math, and did my residency in general surgery, so I was quite accustomed to operating in environments that were almost entirely male. But always, always, there was some degree of recognition that I WASN'T a man; a little flirtation here, or a compliment there . . . In my diving community, it doesn't exist. It was a blow, but at the same time I keep looking at it to see how it's advantageous, or how it might permit me to do things or be things I couldn't do or be before. (When I find them, I'll let you know . . . )

Losing my identity as a sexually attractive woman is something I'm almost coping with . . . When I start having to deal with losing my intelligence, you will hear the cries of anguish across the country It all depends on where you prioritize the things that make you, you.

 

[annasea]

Thx for the explanation, Lynne. I've never really felt comfortable with (or trusting of) another's attentiveness based on my appearance so it doesn't mean much to me. But if someone tells me s/he finds me interesting... I'm over the moon.

 

[nereas]

...

Losing my identity as a sexually attractive woman is something I'm almost coping with . . .

Then you are simply hanging around the wrong guys.

 

[Diver0001]

Very interesting read! (Probably the most interesting thread I've come across in a long time here.)

Diver0001, here's another one in agreement with Lynne and Denise. You look great! Even if you didn't, why does it matter? I get the impression that you're in a good relationship with your wife... as long as she's happy to share the same bed with you, what does it matter if any other woman is interested? Ego boosts are nice, but having someone to come home to, and having that person happy to have you home, are what really counts. (But what do I know? I'm 39 and [not always happily] single. )

Yeah well thanks.

I guess a bit more background would help. I've never really spent much time thinking about my appearance. It was just a given that I didn't look too bad.... but something happened to me about a year ago that simultaneously reminded me that I am mortal and for some reason I really started turning grey more quickly than I was ready for.... (like anyone is ever *ready* for this....)

Do you know the story about cooking frogs? If you put a frog in cold water and turn up the heat slowly then it will sit in the water until it's getting cooked but if you throw a frog in hot water it will jump out. Well that's the feeling I have. If I had just started turning grey a bit at a time I wouldn't be so freaked out.

So it's not about attracting women or ego boosts, although it might come across like that. And you're right. I'm thankful for and happy with what I have. I just wish that the heat wasn't getting turned up so fast....

And Lynne is right. It could be worse. If I were losing my mind I'd be wishing that I just turned grey so I guess if you look at it like that I'm just moaning about details....

niettemin... I never expected to have a mid-life crisis so having one blows really REALLY hard....

R..