Not trying to pick on you, just throwing an idea out there. Could this have something to do with your diving style?
i.e. When paired up with an insta-buddy, do you go over a dive brief, compare hand signals to make sure you understand each other underwater, talk about the dive plan, how to handle a buddy seperation issue, etc?
I mostly dive with a few trusted buddies, but we've had some insta buddies tag along from time to time. Our pre-dive briefs include all of those, plus we usually designate who will be the "leader." Generally, in our pairings, the instabuddy tends to be the less experienced, so we put them in the lead so we can keep an eye on them and let them set the pace that's comfortable for them.
I suspect it has a lot to do with my style and my personality. I'm very shy and I don't like talking to strangers. I don't faun over their gear; if I have seen something like it before, I won't make a comment one way or the other. How many ways are there to ditch weights? I would never tell somebody else how to dive or remind them they don't have air in their BC. Maybe they like it that way, what do I know? I don't check their tank valve and I don't want them to touch mine.
Hand signals? These are always worth a review but I'll admit to not doing it. I kind of expect other divers to know enough of these signals that we'll be ok. When you get in a car with someone, do you ask if they are color blind? Know how to use the turn signals? Probably not... Once they get a driver license, you have certain expectations. If they have had the license for a while, you would have even higher expectations.
I find it hard to discuss a dive site I have never seen and, until very recently, I almost never dove the same spot twice. Even if I am the team leader, I still don't know anything about the dive. I'll just have to work it out when I get there. Only on two liveaboard trips have I ever been on DM guided dives. They were ok but not nearly as exciting as the unguided dives.
All of my early dives went the same way. We were on a boat with a bunch of long time club members; we were 'The Newbies'. Maybe they would tell us something about the site, more likely, not. So, we jumped in and figured it out as we went. I'm not sure I remember hearing a dive briefing outside of a class environment. Ever... Now, I am not saying that the members wouldn't have answered questions. I am saying that, as a male, I would never ask for directions. Just jump in and figure it out.
So, I expect every other diver to be just like my buddy from the old days. Let's just jump in and figure it out. I'm beginning to suspect that my attitudes and expectations are not realistic.
I attribute most, if not all, of my issues with buddy diving to my own attitudes. Self doubt is not something I suffer. To paraphrase Captain Ron, if something is going to happen, it's going to happen down there. Figure it out!
Richard