Scuba Susie:
Hey y'all,
I just heard a story and need some verification please. I was just told that Coco View had razor topped barbed wire all around the resort to keep out the really poor people on the island? I know this sounds far fetched but is it true? I was hoping to go there next year but feel kinda weird about staying at an "encampment". Could any of you who have been there or are there now comment on this story? I came hear because I knew I would get the straight scoop!
Thanks
Susie
Shhh. Keep this mum, but here's the real deal....
The Whale Sharks? They were really Semi Rigid Inflatables :butnhome: operated by former Honduran Seal team operatives, now turned mercenary security guards.
At the airport, you will be loaded into comfortable refitted APC's (armored personnel carriers) that not only have air conditioning but bulletproof glass observation windows and frozen Margaritas on tap to move you and safeguard you through the various free fire zones on the way to the resort.
Even though the resort is known locally as "The Rock", largely because of it's location on what amounts to its own private ten acre key (island), security doesn't end there. You will be extracted form the APC and placed in an LST (Landing Ship Troop) as seen on Saving Private Ryan for the 3 minute crossing to the resort.
You will be taken to your room in an armored golf cart. This may seem a bit exposed and risky until you understand that the entire resort key is patrolled by trained Monkeys (
Not some broken down
Guerillas from the Nicuraguan/Contra war of the 80's, no siree!) driving "technicals", those little Toyota pickups as seen in Blackhawk Down. :monkeydan Instead of machine guns they use the deadly "plantain" which is a deadly carbohydrate weapon :banana: disguised as a friendly banana. These can kill you deader than a dodo bird, no doubt- check with your cardiologist.
The bungalows which are all over the water present a special security concern, as they are bordered by the sea. The resort has contacted another operation of the island that runs a Dolphin Circus and Trained Turtle Show and has obtained some of the more aggressive "Porpi" :azvatar: which could no longer be trusted to swim with the cuter female guests. (There were threats of lawsuits in regards to these crittrer's "negative" amorous :07: interactions with show guests, but in reality it only resulted in one happy marriage- the couple are now living near & in Marineland)
These aggressive "Flippers" were fitted with detonating devices which they patrol the front of the resort nightly. They are so aggressive that some of them blow themselves up just for fun.
The resort recently acquired the air rights :bigun2: to the neighboring Fantasy Island, having elevated the former Manager, Mr. O'Rourke to High Commander, and his assistant, Tattoo to the rank of Low Commander. All's quiet on the Western front.
The dive boats are actualy reconditioned coastal patrol boats (PT Boats) and have disguised the fish (torpedos) to be SCUBA tanks.
The resort has, on a permanent submerged station, out 3 minutes snorkel in front of your bungalow a 140' Submarine :thinkingo SABC (Slow Attack Ballistic Chupacabra) that is cleverly disguised as an artificial reef known locally as the "Prince Albert Wreck". It is the last of the Honduran coastal patrol submarines that are coal powred, on a lend lease programme from Canada.
The Dive Masters have all been trained by Dr Evil of the Thunderball Corp. 'Nuff said, there. They can kill many of your brain cells
with a simple Salva Vida Beer. Rough bunch that they are.
On a more serious note...
Who starts goofy stories that would lead anyone to believe that Concertina Wire (Barbed Wire) would line any fence in the tropics? In an environment where even
plastic rusts everybody knows that all fences are topped with broken glass bottles.
Sheesh! Where do these stories get started?
P.S.- this isn't really to keep the poor people out, it's more to keep the Narced Divers (a tip of the Hatlo Hat to Dr Bill for that one) inside the resort proper.
Hey, Susie... if you liked Vietnam, you're going to
love Sipidan.
Now tell us, who spun this yarn for you?
Reality check: All Caribbean resorts have security. CCV needs less physical security than most as it is on it's own island. Not only for that physical distance, but no outsiders are invited in to come to the bar, disco, or to walk through on their way to their village. All you will see in your week is staff and guests, unlike any other Roatan resort. You will not see the security there because it is so professionaly done. Such things are a fact of life in Central America and the Caribbean Island nations.
