Steven Wright

[Jcsgt]

I think someone may be getting too big for their britches. No, I may not do anything to them but I will have you pay the price for them. This could be very, very, bad.

Remember we are going to the costume shop today to get items for my pirate wench outfit. Note, they do sell splendid outfits I could put you in and takes pics of for everyone to see. So, think before you speak.

The question is, is the dog getting a costume, too? :lol:
I'm thinking that sometime, very soon, that puppy is going to need some serious psychological counseling. That or a purse and shoes to match it's outfit.

 

[Cave Diver]

I think someone may be getting too big for their britches. No, I may not do anything to them but I will have you pay the price for them. This could be very, very, bad.

Dang, so that means you're not gonna punish me?

 

[Jcsgt]

Dang, so that means you're not gonna punish me?

And you deserve to be punished, you've been very, very bad!:lol:

 

[Missdirected]

Dang, so that means you're not gonna punish me?

Ah but not punishing you in and of itself is punishment :14:

 

[lil sis]

I think someone may be getting too big for their britches. No, I may not do anything to them but I will have you pay the price for them. This could be very, very, bad.

Remember we are going to the costume shop today to get items for my pirate wench outfit. Note, they do sell splendid outfits I could put you in and takes pics of for everyone to see. So, think before you speak.

:shakehead not good:shakehead
And yet it was closed today...:lol:
Don't forget to bring Moonie!:mooner:

 

[H2Andy]

funny stuff. more of my favorites (i saw his HBO special way back when ...
thought the guy was a genius):


you can't have everything. where would you keep it?

I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell...except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one -- it wasn't doing what I was doing.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coathanger.

 

[lil sis]

funny stuff. more of my favorites (i saw his HBO special way back when ...
thought the guy was a genius):


you can't have everything. where would you keep it?

I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell...except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one -- it wasn't doing what I was doing.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coathanger.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: PURE GENIOUS!!!!!

 

[Cave Diver]

And you deserve to be punished, you've been very, very bad!:lol:

Offering? (and if you think that's bad, you don't know me very well yet.)

Ah but not punishing you in and of itself is punishment :14:

Doh!

 

[ScubaTexan]

On the other hand, you have different fingers...

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone...

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died...

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it...

 

[Cave Diver]

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo
cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it.
Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of
sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will."

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm
the only one moving.

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on
them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles