Some thoughts about diving alone

[redacted]

According to the post on TDS, he was neither diving solo nor was he diving alone. But he did advise his buddies when he ran out of film that he was going to surface and they parted. They found him later, on the bottom, as they were returning. I would expect the autopsy will reveal what happened.

 

[lamont]

I would expect the autopsy will reveal what happened.

I would expect any autopsy to reveal diddly-squat.

75% chance it'll return drowning. 25% chance it'll return drowning with lung barotrauma.

It'll reveal a certain amount of age-related wear-and-tear as well.

 

[The Chairman]

Yes, death is a solo dive. However sometimes a death affects how we view life and our decisions affecting our life. Rob Davies' death was a wake up call for me many years ago. He was a personal friend and we had planned for him to teach me to dive rebreathers two weeks later.

We'll never know just how/why Rob died. Just as Wes, he died alone on a rebreather. Does it make a difference to me? Not really. I have realized a few things as I have continued to dive...

I like diving solo. I find it effective while hunting or getting alone with my thoughts.
I want to learn how to dive a rebreather.
I doubt that I will ever dive a rebreather solo.
If you are my buddy, don't expect me to let you surface alone.

 

[Rhone Man]

I noticed that only a few responders actually discussed what their own thoughts were about their deaths, and if they had discussed it with those closest to them, those whom this situation would affect most. What I believe really is only half of the equation. What would make my wife feel better is the other half. I have discussed solo diving, and diving in general with my wife, as well as motorcycle riding, and any of the other activities I, she or we participate in. In my situation how I die will matter very little compared to the fact that I am dead. Unless there is some sort of catastrophic accident or monumental eff-up, then my passing will just be that: my turn. All the analysis in the world won't bring me back. Will it give someone something to point at and blame? Possibly. But I am hoping they don't do that as it just seems like a waste of time, and you don't know how much of that you have.

I know where you are coming from. I am OK with the idea of my own death - it will come to us all eventually, and I have the comfort of faith. I'd just rather it didn't happen too soon. But I know that my wife and children would clearly be distraught by my passing, and that really troubles me. That said, if I died diving (whether solo or not), I don't think any of them know enough about diving to get closure from "how did he die?"

 

[tomboyy]

According to the post on TDS, he was neither diving solo nor was he diving alone. But he did advise his buddies when he ran out of film that he was going to surface and they parted. They found him later, on the bottom, as they were returning. I would expect the autopsy will reveal what happened.

At which point he was diving alone.

Lynn was just bringing up the part about the surviors(sp?)....

 

[dumpsterDiver]

I don't want this thread to turn into a solo diving bashfest. All I wanted to do was raise the issue of what family and loved ones might think, or how they might feel differently about someone who died diving alone, versus someone whose buddy could tell them that he did everything he could to save his friend, and who could perhaps shed some light on what actually happened (as Richard Mork's buddy, and Denton Byers' buddy did). Having the story could answer questions and put issues to rest for those who have to do the grieving.

It might actually be kinder to the family to have no information about our diving death. I know it would be better to get the body, but might it be easier for the family to know simply that the diver assumed a certain level of risk to dive alone and now they are dead?

I'm not sure it would bring my family comfort to know that I was diving with a friend and he provides a story (that may well be true) but still doesn't paint a clear story and seems to be tinged with questionable "facts" that convienently exonerate the buddy. Might these feelings of distrust of the dive buddy cause the pain and doubts to linger even more?

Face it, scuba diving is a somewhat dangerous activity and to engage in it, you are undergoing unnecessary risks yet you continue these activities simply because you derive selfish pleasure from them. The only way to shield your family from the possiblity of you dieing while diving is to not dive.

I say: try to be safe, try to be careful, but the fact remains that you have put your own enjoyment above the need to protect the family from emotional pain.

 

[John_B]

.....

 

[SeaYoda]

Walking alone, jogging alone, flying a plane alone, driving alone, or even sitting in a chair alone at home, one may die and have no answers for the family. Solo diving is no different and it is just a choice of activity. All diving increases risk. I have discussed my solo diving with my wife and she is OK with it. She has a difficulty with cave diving, even with a buddy or team, so I don't plan on making her life miserable by taking on that risk at her expense.

I know death may come by my mistake, someone else's mistake, body parts wearing out, someone's ill intent, or some combination of these reasons. I can not make all the people that touch my life understand that death can not be escaped and that I've prepared myself for it (to the best of my ability). I can live right and enjoy what God has given me - I hope others can learn from that and gain some peace even while I'm still alive.

 

[nielsent]

A poor attempt at my diving mantra

Now I descend me down to dive,
Pray my self will move and thrive,
Deep within Poseidon’s hand,
A stranger in a stranger land.

When I reach the abyss, that is where I descend,
It welcomes me like an old friend.
I stare into it; it stares back at me,
It knows I am there, shows its secrets to me.

One day that world will call upon me,
To face my end, and so it will be.
To those around me, it may seem my time here be brief,
Full of questions, mourning, loss and grief.

Please do not grieve for me, for I welcome this day,
When that stranger world takes me away.
I will stop for it, when it stops for me.
Happy, deep and free.

Solo, team, buddy, or on the surface. I will stop and remember those who have died, and know that they were truly living. As a result, I am envious of how they died, with their fins on. I only hope that I die like that.

The people that I know who died before their time would have wanted others to keep on living it up, and be happy that they finally got the chance to have a rest. In their memory, I do everything I can to live it up, for those that have gone, those that are here, and those to come.

To paraphrase Emily Dickinson, I will not stop for death, he will have to stop for me.

 

[bowlofpetunias]

I didn't interpret Lynne's original post as saying anything negative about solo diving per se, but rather whether it is better and more comforting for family & friends to think that someone was there, that they didn't reach for help and not find any, that they died quickly/painlessly, etc.

But ultimately, death is always a solo dive. I envy Skiles and can't think of a better situation to die than doing what I like best. I presume his family knew him and understand that as well, even if no dive buddy was around to give them the particulars.

Some of you may remember the incident with SB user littlejohn a year or so ago. I was his buddy on what turned out to be his final dive. But as sad as that is, I know for a fact he really enjoyed that dive, and if you're going to go out, might as well be doing what you love.

I work in a hospital where many people die slow deaths surrounded by plenty of loved ones and caregivers. That's one way to go, and perhaps offers easier closure for those friends and family. Yet if I have any choice whatsoever in the matter (knowing that I probably don't), I would gladly choose the way of Skiles or littlejohn, even knowing that it might be tougher for friends or family.

I would trust that, ultimately, they will understand, even if that understanding comes with poignancy.

I agree with you on all of this but I would like to add to it.

Life is about choices and I take responsibility for making the choices that will eventually bring me to my appointment with death. It may be my decision to make a certain dive, take a certain drive, maintain or fail to maintain healthy habits but the decisions of my life will ultimately lead to the inevitable exit. My loved ones and I give each other our blessings to be alive until we are dead not to be living dead!

We can't 'be there' to help our loved ones cope with our deaths except by open and honestly discussing the potential with them in advance. It is my belief we can help them find peace by gifting them with the memory of lives well lived, love expressed and our discussion about coping with our inevitable death.

FritzCat I would find personal comfort if my husband's dive buddy was able to tell me what you have just said about littlejohn on his last dive! I am selfish enough to hope that I do not outlive my son and my husband but if I do... I will not dishonour their memory by living in self blame, second guessing or questioning their right to the choices of their lives!

TSandM thanks once again for posting a thread that challenges us to examine a vital aspect of our responsibility to our loved ones!