So I tried to do a good deed.....

[Dave in PA]

ItsBruce, my DUI drysuit is supposed to be in at the dive shop today.....I wonder if that will work? I think I told her I was going to order one.........

And my son's girlfriend is adopting the kitty. Our two dogs don't really care, but the two cats, well, lets just say I better understand the origins of the term "being very catty today"

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

LOL! Good job on rescuing that kitty. All of our cats, over the years, have shown up at our door and chose us as their humans. Fortunately, they allow us to live in their house, let us feed them, and even on rare occasions, tolerate us touching and cuddling Their Majesties.

Hrmph... F%&*ing ingrates!

 

[newdiver-toronto]

Cat joke (BTW, I love cats and am owned by 2):

(A dog thinking): "These beings provide me with food and water, keep me warm and tend to every need. They must be gods!"

(A cat thinking): "These beings provide me with food and water, keep me warm and tend to every need. I must be a god!"

 

[Dave in PA]

Here are some humorous instructions on medicating your pets:

How to Give A Cat a Pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. 12) Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss-back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
13) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the [bleep]ing cat from tree across the road.
14) Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
15) Tie the little [bleep]'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
16) Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
17) Arrange for animal control to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters

How to Give A Dog A Pill

1) Wrap it in bacon.
2) Feed dog.

 

[DementialFaith]

Eh... I'm stuck on 12... no scotch here, can I just skip to 17? Or maybe make a cup of fish smoothie?

 

[DiverBuoy]

In my 17+ years of experience, husbands are capable of just about any deviation from rational thought. Maybe she's learned that, too

Besides, it was early in the morning, and all cats are grey in the dark.

Hey, after 15 years of marriage, my wife would point at me and say "he resembles that remark".