Significant Others who don't dive

[redacted]

When we vacation I would like to dive, and he is fine with this as long as its one day only, not a full dive trip.

That is a pretty severe limitation. I expect that something will have to change or this may not work out.

 

[cbm32]

There is no one size fits all answer to how to handle this situation, and the answer that works best for you and your husband may even change over time. I dive and my wife does not but there is really no way in hell she would be happy with me going off to a tropical dive location for a week without her. Our answer is that I dont do live aboard trips. We stay in a condo or a nice AI resort and she does what she wants while I dive in the mornings and the afternoon and evenings we do things together. She loves to lay on the beach or shop and when we are not at an AI she likes to cook. I dive any and all days of the trip I want to (and our trips sometimes last up to a couple of months since we are both retired) and sometimes throw in an afternoon or night dive as well.

If she had a different outlook I would probably leap at the chance to do a live aboard, but then if she had a different outlook she might not even be my wife

 

[FaithC]

That is a pretty severe limitation. I expect that something will have to change or this may not work out.

I'm actually really ok with this. When we travel we like to sight see and take in as much of the destination as possible. I'd probably be too tired and notmhave the time to do this if I did multiple dives. Plus, I really like spending time with him and vice versa.

As for the cruel part, imagine February in New England, 3 ft of snow, it's dark cold and ****ty, but see ya honey! I'm going to Key Largo for a dive trip. I wouldn't like that much if the roles were reversed. So I'm just trying to follow the golden rule here and consider his feelings and wishes while balancing my new hobby.

---------- Post added February 17th, 2013 at 09:43 PM ----------

I'm thinking you can, and if he has the ability/option to get certified & dive and chooses not to, it's not your fault, so to speak, that he doesn't.

That said, you guys might enjoy cruising. If you pick a cruise with an itinerary hitting highly diveable islands, you can go diving, but still spend much of your vacation together doing couples stuff, such as going to the evening shows.

Richard.

Cruising sounds like a great middle ground. I'll look into this. Are dives part if an excursion package or do you make arrangements with a dive operation on your own for while youre in port? As for him choosing not to dive, he really can't with his severe asthma.

 

[drrich2]

So I'm just trying to follow the golden rule here and consider his feelings and wishes while balancing my new hobby.

You hit on one issue that differs amongst couples; how important diving is to you. Granted, for most of us, it's a 'hobby.' But many of us love it & avidly look forward to when we can do it again & where. In other words, some have a passion for diving, and the idea someone who loves us would needlessly get in the way of that over some sentimental reason can trigger a 'Huh? What?'

You may or may not develop that passion. Some people (like my wife) like to dive some (5 or 6 dives on a week in Bonaire would be fine for her; I aim for 20+ & under 15 is like a personal failure) but can 'take it or leave it' - and enjoy doing other things, too.

Richard.

P.S.: Just because he doesn't go with you doesn't mean he has to stay home!

 

[261311]

P.S.: Just because he doesn't go with you doesn't mean he has to stay home!

This.

@Rich, I guess we're the same in the introverted aspect. I need my own space when I'm with someone, and usually I only find people who I can get that with. It doesn't mean I don't like company but sometimes it's good to separate the really personal emotional side of things and just do something else that you enjoy.

 

[Tessunderwater]

Granted I'm not married yet but.. My boyfriend is also a diver and we do go diving together as much as we can. Now there are times when I have to work or I don't have the vacation time and he has gone on dive trips without me. We also have some different interests so we both have time to ourselves. There should be a dive op that will allow your husband to go on the trip. This way you get to enjoy your hobby and he gets to experience it with you. In addition to the cruise suggestion, if your doing a resort in a particular place like the Bahamas or a place in the Caribbean there are plenty of other activities you can do together when your not diving.


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[CAPTAIN SINBAD]

I am in a similar situation. I took my wife on a discover scuba trip on our honeymoon and she had serious ear problems that prevented her from equalizing. When I surfaced the sea was rough and the sea sickness had caused her to lay on the floor in fetal position shivering and throwing up. After that first experience she does not want to have anything to do with diving and boats etc. Fortunately for me she understands my passion and lets me go on dive trips by myself. I have found some buddies that I plan trips with. When I am booking a day trip I tell them in advance that I will be coming without a buddy and would require them to pair me up with someone. It works but you rarely have control over who you get paired with.

 

[spectrum]

If you really think breaking away for a day is the limit have you considered going on a cruise? You may be able to go on several part day dive excursions while in ports.

Pete

 

[TMHeimer]

There is no one size fits all answer to how to handle this situation, and the answer that works best for you and your husband may even change over time. I dive and my wife does not but there is really no way in hell she would be happy with me going off to a tropical dive location for a week without her. Our answer is that I dont do live aboard trips. We stay in a condo or a nice AI resort and she does what she wants while I dive in the mornings and the afternoon and evenings we do things together. She loves to lay on the beach or shop and when we are not at an AI she likes to cook. I dive any and all days of the trip I want to (and our trips sometimes last up to a couple of months since we are both retired) and sometimes throw in an afternoon or night dive as well.

If she had a different outlook I would probably leap at the chance to do a live aboard, but then if she had a different outlook she might not even be my wife

Good points. We are in a similar situation--snowbirds for 3 months in the South - condo, etc. So plenty of dive time for me, casino time for her and other stuff together. I'm sure it's totally different if both people work with limited vacation time, and one goes away diving.

 

[Colliam7]

1. I obviously lack a dive buddy when we are away, what is the standard protocol for going on a dive boat without a buddy? Do you let the dive operation know ahead of time? Do you get paired with the DM or a stranger?

On a boat, it doesn't hurt to let them know in advance. When you call to sign up for a charter trip, and reserve only one spot, you can let them know you are a single / unpaired diver. Some ops will even ask if you reserve a solo spot. You will usually be paired with another non-buddied diver, or perhaps put with a buddy team to make a group of three. It is unlikely to be a problem.

2. I would love to go on some of the trips my LDS organizes, do most trips allows Sig. Others to go? Is there a reduced rate for someone who isn't going to dive?

I can't speak for all shops, but we certainly allow / in fact encourage non-diving SOs to come on our trips. There is a slightly reduced rate (maybe ~$200 on a $1595 all-inclusive Bonaire fee, for example). My wife accompanied me to Roatan and twice to Bonaire as a non-diver, and loved it. She brought her laptop, got a lot of work done, had access to WiFi so she could do email, had her mobile phone so she could do telecons,etc. She brought lots of books. We ate meals together and slept together, but most of the time during the day, and often in the evening, I was diving. We did sight-seeing together (or horseback riding on Roatan) on the last afternoons, once I was in a no-fly interval. She always had a blast and appreciated the quiet and relaxation. She also did some snorkeling on her own, or did some arranged activities as interested her. I use the past tense because, two years ago, she finally decided to get certified and now dives on the trips. But, where I usually try for 4-6 dives a day, she usually goes for 3-4, and then retires to the room or pool while I dive some more.

I just can't go without him, I think it would be unfair and somewhat cruel to go on a tropical trip without him.

Possibly. I asked my wife to join the Caribbean trips because I wanted her to enjoy the laid back atmosphere of the resorts (and she did). She would usually not accompany me on weekend coastal charter trips, although occasionally she would, along with the kids, and use the time to go to the beach or do things with them. She goes on a couple of cruises each year with one or more of our daughters and her sister, that I do not go on - I value the time alone to get things done around the house. It all depends on the dynamic of the relationship.

Still not sure if he would go for this as I'm sure I'd be diving the whole time.

Hmm. That's one for the two of you to work out. What I did tell my wife about going on shops trips, before she was certified, 'I would love to have you go on the trip. I think you will enjoy the environment and the people. But, I will be tied up diving almost all of the day.' That worked well for us. Your results may vary.