seperate holidays?

[vladimir]

I think the separate holidays idea is great; that's what my wife and I used to do. I mean, my ex-wife.

 

[scubajenn81]

Hi everyone,
Thank you for posting your replys. I am sure we will find a healthy balance for the holidays. We still have some time.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Tell both families that you are going to Bonaire for the holidays and let them deal with that. My first wife was jewish so it was not a big deal with her family. My second's parents could not get along with anyone. My current fiance and I have been together for 6 yrs. We see my dad one day during thanksgiving and either christmas eve or the day after xmas. My family is really not that close and if things started to get sticky we've agreed that we'll stay home and they can come see us. You hubby needs to learn to compromise. You spent last christmas with his people this year it's your turn. If he is that attached to them then maybe ne has not cut the strings yet. Tell him to stand up and be a man cause you are momma now and when momma ain't happy nobody is happy. If your inlaws don't like it start looking for new ones.

 

[dvrliz1]

We had a similar dilemma, with 2 strong family ties. Now that we live in Bonaire, we have chosen that it is up to our family to make the decision to come see us as we cannot leave...especially since it is high season.

We did however come up with a great solution while we lived in the States and created a "new tradition" for all! My family distances were about the same as yours.

We decided to have Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas day with his. My family would choose a place such as my parents house, or a sibiling's house that was big enough to hold everyone. We would arrive around 5 or 6, have a great festive dinner around 7 then we would give our presents to my family and vice versa. The kids loved it as they got to open a gift on Christmas Eve. Now they still celebrate Christmas Eve as sometimes my sisters and brother go to their inlaws on Christmas!

Back home at around 9pm, an early night, early up to drive to the in laws. In-laws a long way away, check out flying in on Christmas morning, fares are usually cheaper!

Best of Luck!

 

[scuba41girl]

I went through the same stuff and now i'm divorced. His family was all about themselves and my ex refused to cut the cord. I got sick of it and bailed. Now his family is thrilled that i'm gone but he walks around miserable all the time. They just don't get it.

you need to make the 2 of you happy or you will end up miserable

 

[Blitz]

Did you really say ballistic crockery? Damn that was funny.

Hmmmm. Living with anyone "'til death do you part" means, in part, getting over being passionate about any one given issue to the point that neither one wants to "cave".

There will be literally hundreds of similar mini-crises as you have babies and raise kids over the next twenty years or so. ('Which pair of grandparents get the kids first in the summer?' 'For how long?' etc...)

If you both get all escalated and entrenched on each crisis that comes along, ....life may get real interesting. Trust me on this one.

It might help if you don't think of it as "caving".

You're not 'caving' on your ideals, you're "working things through".

With respect to your present dilemma, given that you had a misunderstanding and told both sets of folks that you were coming, well...whip out the plastic. It's only September, you should still be able to set up plane tickets that will have you at both sets of parents homes during the ten days or so between December 24 and January 2.

(Hopefully you can work out which weekends you spend where without noisy recriminations and ballistic crockery... )

Then next year, and for hopefully many years thereafter, recognizing that holidays will continue to be an issue, you work it out in such a manner that both sides of the family can be supportive.

One thing that can help alot, especially after the kids come: hotel rooms. Rather than stay with either set of parents, have a place to retreat from the chaos. (The grandparents want some time with the kids anyway!)

It's generally all in how you look at it...

Best,

Doc

 

[Cacia]

HELL NO and immediately advise hubby that they cut the cord years ago and he's got to get with the program that he is married to YOU and now you and he are FAMILY

what about having a "our" christmas together and starting your own tradition... go away for a dive trip christmas and phone the families on the day - that way neither camp feels ommitted as they have both missed out.

seriously, if you start something now, its for good, i would be resentful if my hubby thought EVERY Christmas as his folks place was acceptable.

a lifetime together and feeling resentful about celebrating Christmas is very sad so set the ground rules now and good luck

Oh, wise one. I agree.

This family stuff gets out of hand.

Make your own Christmas, make your own traditions. See them some other time. When you have children it will just snowball. Stop the madness while you still can.

 

[raya]

What about organising someplace in the middle, I mean, one year we rented a windmill in France, there was plenty of room for both sides of the family and some friends too..we all had to travel a bit to get there but it was all on even turf if you catch my drift..then those who don't want to, or can't ..well thats their problem,(they can't make you feel bad), they make other arrangements..Renting a windmill, or small castle or even a little cottage or something along those lines, can be fun..Good luck, please don't let it get to you, its your christmas too and your husband needs to realise that.

 

[Damselfish]

The trouble with meeting in the middle is, there are usually more than 2 sides to the family. Like perhaps you have brothers and sisters, or your spouse does. Well, they may have their spouses family to see, and now they would be away from them. Dominos.

 

[DiverDebbie]

Christmas is a pain in the butt. You can never make everyone happy. So make yourselves happy and go on a dive vacation instead