Question for all the "attached" women

[Ber Rabbit]

and both you ladies think it ok to just "chat" on the phone about non diving related issues with someone you do not dive with? just trying to get a perspective on things
thanks

Personally I don't have a problem with him chatting with anyone. Jealousy is a waste of energy for me, I would rather focus on what I need to do to keep our communication lines open. Hubby and I are both flirts but we always go home together, I realize not every relationship is like that. You have to work with what you have but keep communicating.

Some people like to share what is going on in their lives with other people, I'm one of those. Hubby gets the "bored stare" when I start to tell the same story for the third or fourth time, especially when it's a story about something we did together. I have a tendency to forget I've told the story so I call my one of my dive buddies to abuse with the repetition when I feel the story urge coming on

Do you know about these calls because he's open about it or because you feel a need to spy on him and discovered them? When the calls go "underground" then you have a problem. Good communication and not acting jealous will keep things above board.
Ber :lilbunny:

 

[gNats]

I'm going to have to agree with Ber Rabbit on this one.

First, your concerns are very natural and you have a right to question the perception in front of you. However, have you sat down in an non-accusitory fashion and discussed how these phone calls make you feel with your SO?

As B Rabbit stated, if the phone calls are on the up and up and are not meant to exclude you or are hidden from you, it is probably harmless, and will stay as such, as long as you get a grip on your own emotions. Accusing, pouting, and demonstrating that evil green envy monster will do more harm than good to any healthy relationship.

Take an interest in the callers. If Susan calls, after it ends, ask how Susan is doing. Learn about her. How are her kids? Did she see her mother last weekend? How's her new BC fitting her? Did she get that promotion? Ask her to dinner. Take an interest in his new friend so he doesn't feel the need to hide something that is really nothing. Who knows - you and Susan may hit it off and become friends on your own.

Sounds easier on paper, right? It sure is. The bottom line is, if you are easily overcome by envy and jealously you have two choices... 1) learn how to dive and become his best and favorite dive buddy. 2) Find someone who doesn't have a life outside of your home so you won't have to face those demons.

If you really believe your personal jealousy has nothing to do with this hypothetical story, then why stay? Tough pill to swallow, but I think plenty of men in this thread have demonstrated the ability to know the difference between diving with a female and an affair.

Find someone who knows the difference (and can walk the talk) and be happy and confident within your relationship.

 

[drbill]

Most of my "regular" buddies are female, all with husbands or SOs. Fortunately none of them has any concern about their diving with me, even if it involves coming over to the island and staying with me. Sigh... I'm just so safe.

I chat with many women divers, both on-line and on the phone. The conversations are generally about diving, but sometimes politics or other topics. It is only with certain single women that I will broach other subjects.

I don't see a problem IF you two have developed sufficient trust and honesty. If not, hmmmm...

 

[JeffG]

I am not female, so my perspective may be different, but I am reasonably confident that my wife would brain me with a shovel if I did that.

Mine would too.

 

[Twistedarts]

I chat online (forums) with female divers, I have spoken on the phone and dove with them. My SO is not a diver, does she have a problem with this? No. I have her trust and respect as she has mine so it is a non issue. If you can not trust your other/spouse then what is the point of being together.

Besides like I tell her, 1 woman is PITA enough, why would I want another?

 

[DESIGNERDIVER]

I chat online (forums) with female divers, I have spoken on the phone and dove with them. My SO is not a diver, does she have a problem with this? No. I have her trust and respect as she has mine so it is a non issue. If you can not trust your other/spouse then what is the point of being together.

Besides like I tell her, 1 woman is PITA enough, why would I want another?

thanks all

 

[princessaprilia]

Most of my "regular" buddies are female, all with husbands or SOs. Fortunately none of them has any concern about their diving with me, even if it involves coming over to the island and staying with me. Sigh... I'm just so safe.

I chat with many women divers, both on-line and on the phone. The conversations are generally about diving, but sometimes politics or other topics. It is only with certain single women that I will broach other subjects.

If it's any consolation, Bill... I think you are dangerous.

The super-suave, flirty guys... I've got their number. No problem. They are handled.

But the nice guy with the torn suit??? Sneaks in under the radar. I'm defenseless.

 

[breaker]

How come all the post got removed? I was going to give another opinion.

 

[DESIGNERDIVER]

How come all the post got removed? I was going to give another opinion.

sorry didnt mean to start anything just looking to see how people handle everything. it is clear to me that the diving community is a very friendly and close community. Hopefully In time I can become part of that. For the people who have judged or have come to any conclusions about myself or anyone else........please dont i was trying to gain some perspective and an understanding of something I am not familiar with. Thank you for all your input

 

[princessaprilia]

Hey Designerdiver,

One thing you should learn right off the bat is that people around here are passionate. I think it has to do with the fact that scuba attracts passionate people - it's unlikely that anyone is willing to spend the $ it takes if they don't have the DRIVE. Don't take anything personally.

The other thing is - diving is still kind of a guy thing. Women are a minority here, so in most cases we need to get the info we want from the guys on the board. Some guys are okay with us, some aren't. But ALL the women have to be comfortable with men - it's the law of averages.

Personalities can mesh, and friendships can form; any SO will have to decide if it's a healthy friendship or not.

I have approximately 25 guys that I would go for coffee, pizza, chat or dive with. My husband has exactly 0 women that would fall into that category. Seriously. Zero. So if he all of a sudden started chatting with some hunting girl online, I would have to really question it.

And I'd have the shovel standing by...