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Jacques Cousteau verses Steve Irwin - Too funny.

 
The White House fence needed repair so three contractors where called for bids. The one from TN took measurements and gave the WH official a bid of $7000.00 dollars, $3000.00 for materials $3000. for his crew and $1000. profit for him.

The contractor from TX took measurements and told the WH official $8000. $4000. for materials $4000. for his crew and $1000. profit for him.

The contractor from Chicago didn't take any measurements he just leaned into the WH official and whispered to him, $27,000, $10,000 for me 10,000 for you and I'll sub-contractor the fence repair to the guy form TN. DONE said the WH official!
 
A man went to his rabi and told him of his fear that his wife is planning to poison him.
The rabi was doubtful and questioned the man further. He told the man he doubted that the wife was trying to poison him but he would call the man's wife and have a talk with her.

The next day the man received a call from the rabi, he said, "I talked to your wife on the phone yesterday for 3 hours". Yes, and what do think, what should I do?
Do you really want to know what I think you should do? Yes rabi yes!
Take the poison!
 
Fred, Hank and Larry were asked what they would like said about them at their funerals.

Fred stated he wanted said of him that he was a good man, father and husband.

Hank said the same as well.

When Larry was asked what he wanted people to say of him at his funeral Larry responded "hey look he's moving!"
 
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