How children perceive their grandparents:
1.She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under
the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times
before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one
said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing
the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young
grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how
old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then
he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After
putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and
a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children
getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she
threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them
back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the
three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was
THAT?"
4. A
grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was
like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl
was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd
gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson
was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and
God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how
are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little
girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She
told him she was writing a story.
"What's it
about?" he asked.
"I don't
know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't
know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test
her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell
me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she
headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to
figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my
grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off
until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few
fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered,
"It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."
9. When my
grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not
sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised
"Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second
grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother,
more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's
interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's
simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add
'es'."
11. Children's
Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a
teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't
you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure,"
said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A
grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a
fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a
Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use
him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No,"
said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child
brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said
firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A
6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said,
"she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.
Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the
airport."
14. Grandpa is
the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to
see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My
Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they
blame their dog.